Help!! He wants me to call....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Help!! He wants me to call....
6
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 6:26pm

Hey All-

I wrote a couple of weeks ago that I was about to break N/C (I would supply the link, but don't know how). I did, I responded briefly to an email he sent me about 1+ months earlier, then we briefly emailed back and forth a couple of times. I figured that was it, sort of closure, no more contact, ever.

Well he emailed today and wants me to call him.

We were together for 7 months, have been broken up for just about 3 months (he broke up w/ me after I told him I can't keep going on when he shuts me out). Honestly, this past Friday I was wondering if I would "hear" from him in some way since about every 3 weeks since the break up, he eithered emailed me, or checked out my profile... BUT I really thought it was done!!!

And I believe he has committment/intimacy issues, and I'm coming to terms with mine (I've read He's Scared, She's Scared !! :-)

Aarrrgh... I must admit...when I checked my email today, I thought to myself, PLEASE let one of the emails be from him... for some reason I wasn't surprised that he emailed today but was surprised that he wants me to call. God, what is wrong w/ me??? (then I panicked... what do I do????)

A few days ago I was going to start a post about having a hard time not thinking about him and wishing things would of worked out. I truly believe he and I were supposed to meet, I've thought that all along. And I'm SURE I do not want a relationship where the guy pulls away, and I'm getting clearer on what I do want from a relationship. BUT I also know that I had SO MUCH going on and wanted the relationship to work so badly, that I wasn't always myself and didn't stand up for myself sometimes. Despite all this, I have been moving on! And I thought I was almost completely over it. maybe I am.

I know that him wanting me to call, doesn't mean he wants to get back together (not that I do, definitely not the way things were). It just threw me for a loop.

I know I have to focus on what I do want and not to get sucked back into something I'm not sure of.

PLease, I need some advice!!! I need to think about things a bit - but right now my plan is to email him back in a day or two and say "I'm surprised by his email and ask what's up". That way he can clarify (if he chooses to respond) and I'll know what to expect if I decide to call him.

btw, he included his phone number, which is good cause I deleted it a couple of months ago!!!

Much thanks!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 6:48pm
email him back and tell him to call you instead...atleast his the one who made that first move...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 1:14pm

Girl, all men have some degree of "commitment issues."

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 9:14am

Thanks. I get what you're saying about go with the flow and don't take it so seriously. Now I ned to put it into practice!

On Wednesay morning I responded to his email saying if he wanted to talk, to call me. He called Wednesday night from work. He sounded a bit nervous, maybe a little awkward and bummed out (i.e. not chipper). We talked about the holidays, and my dad for about 15 minutes, with him asking questions, being supportive, then he started talking about what he's been up to.... he said "I was thinkning about you when" .... and started to talk about something... then his squad got called out and he had to go (first responder). He said he would give me a call back.

Well, I haven't heard from him yet. I didn't expect to hear back that night. I know he worked the next night, but I saw him online around the same time he had called the previous night. But I guess I kind of expected to hear something in the past 2 days. (And I'm not calling him!)

So, who knows?? I could analyze it to death (I'm quite good at that!!! :) But I need to leave it alone ... what ever happens, happens. I can only continue to move forward. I have to admit, I guess there was a little piece of me that hoped he had an epiphany... but how many hurt 44yr old, never married men, suddenly realize they want and can make time for a relationship?!?!

Edited to add: To top it off, I don't know if I even would want to get back together, not sure if we completely clicked... BUT there is this pull I have toward him...

Thanks again, and any words of wisdom are definitely welcomed!
zjaney




Edited 1/27/2007 10:10 am ET by zjaney
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 8:14am

He still hasn't called back, however, he did check out my profile yesterday, clearly he wanted me to know he did since he didn't "hide" his when doing so....

I'm confused ..... seems like maybe he is to???




Edited 1/28/2007 8:35 am ET by zjaney
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 10:32am

First off, I wouldn't contact him if that's what you're thinking.

2nd, I have a question, how do you know he has checked out your profile? I have a tracker on mine but it rarely identifies anyone. I have stopped checking my ex's b/c I don't like how it affects me PLUS I don't want him to have the satisfaction that I am checking on him :)

Have faith, think positive, and he will call, I truly believe that.

Your thoughts become things so if you think positive and surround yourself with positivity, that is what you will receive back :)

L

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 10:59am

Thanks!

On match.com, they show who's viewed you. He was at the top of my list last night when I logged on (and hadn't been earlier in the morning). I know you can view someone's profile without them knowing, (and he's savy enough to know the difference) that's why I know he wanted me to see that he "viewed" me. He's done it a couple or so other times, once it was within hours after I put my profile back up.

I was thinking about clicking on his profile, so he knows I am acknowledging he checked out mine (so juvenile, I know...and *safe*!) ... but I guess that's not a good idea??

I'm DEFINITELY NOT calling him! That I know for sure!

thanks,
zjaney