Help .... How do I break the news to him

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Help .... How do I break the news to him
1
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 1:03pm

We reunited this summer after several years apart & everything was great.... so great in fact, that we were engaged w/in 3 weeks. He's in the military & has been gone over 1/2 of the time we've been "together".

I think we really got caught up in the moment & I was excited as well... making wedding plans... already got my dress, etc. We hadn't set a date yet but he was ready yesterday. As for me.... I'm having doubts & second thoughts. I think this was all too much too soon. We were apart for 2 months & when he came back for the holidays things were strained & he could tell something was bothering me. I just feel really bad because I don't feel the same way he does anymore!

Now he's gone again & we get to talk about 5-10 min a day.... no email but can write letters. How do I do this? I hate to bring anything up on the phone when we don't have much time to talk. I don't want to upset him while he's in basic but I can't go on pretending things are ok for the next 3 months. What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 5:23pm

Are you not in love w/ him anymore? Or are you just depressed that he is in and out of your life w/ his lifestyle? Are you scared of marriage, or do you think he proposed to quickly?

It is possible that you did get caught up in the moment.
I think you will hurt him worse if you lead him on and don't admit that you are a bit confused. Don't tell him last minute.
Writing to him will be a good way to tell him how you feel. Explain to him that you want to post-pone your wedding date so you have time to think. Maybe deep down he feels you guys rushed also but doesn't want to tell you.
I wouldn't tell him over the phone if you only have a few minutes to talk.
But I would tell him how you feel the next time you write him.

How come you are unhappy? If he loves you he is not going to want you to be unhappy. I'm sure you could work out something together-like taking time off from talking about marriage. Possibly he will feel the same way.
I assume if he picked up something was bothering you when he came to visit, he is struggling to figure out what it is. I think its only right to tell him how you honestly feel in a letter.
Good luck Sara, I hope everything works for you.