help-how to end a long-term relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2007
help-how to end a long-term relationship
2
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 10:23pm

Hello... just found your message board and could use some advice.

I'm currently in a long-term relationship (6 years) with the same woman. Generally, it has been a good relationship and at one point I loved her very much. However, feelings have evolved and I am no longer getting the emotional fulfillment I need -- and know it is best to end the relationship. Best for the both of us... it will give her time to move on to someone who can better meet her needs as well.

Are there any suggestions on how/where/when to end it? What should I say? I don't want to wait; I've waited too long. She will be devastated; her life has revolved around me for many years. We live together (no children and we are not married). She has no job or income, so this is a definite obstacle. I still care about her and would be willing to help her with rent someplace or even fund some schooling for her (I am financially able to do this). Would this just prolong the breakup?

I will be leaving for a new job in four months and feel I need to get this done quickly so we can come up with some living arrangements/suggestions for her. I do not want to prolong it by having her move with me... any suggestions or ideas?

Thanks for the help,

gs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 12:48am

All I can say is be sensitive and straightforward. Offer your friendship and offer your support. Just let her know that you no longer want that boyfriend type relationship. Guess it is as well you are not married or have kids.

I know once in college, after 2 years of a great relationship, my boyfriend broke off,but the fact he offered to be friends and still cared, helped a lot. Yes, I was never totally over him until I saw him with another girl. And then I moved on. But just the fact that he was sensitive, and he cared and was there, helped at that time, to ease the hurt.

Unlike the guy now who broke up, he like totally cut everything off without even a decent conversation, just was too chicken to do it on face. And that hurt a thousand fold. Since you start thinking what happened to someone you thought you cared for.

So just be sensitive, offer your friendship, but be straightforward so she doesn't think it is temporary. Move without her, but offer to help her settle. That's all you can do. Doing anything more will mislead her and you will be doing her a long term favor by not misleading her into anything. But do be sensitive and straightforward and just say this is not for you. Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 11:55am

Hi gemini9440,


Welcome to the board.