HELP!!! I am caving...fast!
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| Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:04am |
Hi everyone,
I feel really bad telling all of you that I am caving, as I had been trying to help you all that are feeling the same way. I hate for all of you to see that by day 9 I am crashing and crying again.
Anyhow, this is my 9th day without contact, after he said he needed a break (after 3 1/2 years of a great relationship that he does not want to commit to) I did so great until the last two days, they were hard ones, I remained strong, did my best not to think about him, but last night I couldn't get him out of my mind no matter howmany times I changed the channel. I tossed and turned, and woke this morning crying, and am still crying, getting my keyboard wet.
I need some support, I want to call him so bad, I miss him like crazy, and to be honest am totally shocked that HE hasn't caved yet. I know its the absolute wrong thing to do, but I just want to talk to him, I really want to scream at him, but I would never do that, then he will be thanking his lucky stars that he moved on from this pathetic, psycho and I will look like an idiot to him...definetly not a woman to be considering a lifetime with.
Anyhow, I am having an anxiety attack, shaking, crying, I dont know what to do, please help me, I am getting really close to texting him or calling or emailing, yikes!!!
Thank you,
Louise

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Don't call that man!
Aw honey, you're going to have days like this now and again, believe me when I say you're not backsliding unless you actually pick up the phone or text him or email him.
I think everyone on this board has been through exactly what you are going through. I did the whole anxiety thing too.
How long have you two been broken up.
Its been two months for me.
I understand that you want to cave in and call him, but don't do this until you are ready to talk to him without getting into the relationship stuff. Thats what I did and my ex and I now talk occasionally. In fact we just had a nice conversation yesterday.
Anyway. He probably hasn't called you yet because he is still hurting, and isn't ready to talk to you.
When my ex and I first started talking again I asked him if he wanted to hang out and he was honest and said he wasn't ready and needed more time.
Just let this take it's natural course.
Move on with your life. Moving on with your life doesn't mean that you don't still love him or that you won't get back together one day, it just means you are moving on.
Trust me when I say it does get better, the days with the pain and crying become few and far in between.
If you are meant to be with him you will be, nothing can stop that. Not even his commitment issues.
If you have any questions or comments, let me know.
~Amber~
Hey my girl, it's Tuesday, and I'm at work, reading the boards, because I'm bored. I saw the "caving" and I knew it was you. Your the only one I know who uses that term. Girl, I've been waiting for you to send me an email to let me know when you wanted me to listen to you. I hope I didn't sound harsh when I email to you, but I just wanted you to know where I was at in my life regarding advice. I clearly understand, if you don't want to discuss it with me. I understand, and I still love ya for it.
It's so hard, and I know what your going thru. The pain is heartwrenching, and because I know your history and the love you have for him", it's more heartwrenching for me as well, to know your feeling like this. I'm so sorry, and what your doing right now is for you and your future. You have the right to ask for more, and you should be proud of yourself because your not going to allow yourself to get deeper until you get that committment from "him". You deserve it, Weezie, and so does every woman out there. The only advice I can give you, is try to stay busy, and not stay at home so much. Is there some place you can go. Staying at home, just drives you crazy, and you will eventually cave, I promise. If you cave, it might be more painful talking to him, because he may not ready to talk or give you what you want right now. I told you Weez, don't push him in this issue. He has to want to give you what you want, when he is ready. Pushing him will drive him away. When a man is ready to committ, he will do it on his own terms. Women sometimes try to force the man to committ, and do odd things to get their attention, but it only back fires. Another thing, if you cave, and you do talk to him, will you be willing to accept what he has to offer? That means, your going to go back to the same wonderful relationship you two share, knowing he's not ready for a committment. Write down what you want and what your willing to accept in the relationship. I'll write back to you later, I have to get back to work, but let me know how your doing. I love ya
Tuesday West
Awww, my girl Tues...I am so glad to hear from you...I havent been able to go full story to you yet without crying my eyes out, you know me, you were there 21/2 years ago when this happened to me, and i definetly LOVE your feedback, i know u talk from your heart and your now straight head!!! Its kinda funny about the cave thing, anyway girl, love ya for your support, i have always cherished it, and always will!!
On a more positive note ladies and gents, after my huge emotional morning, I went out, got my nails done, "bright pink"...and got my hair highlighted, i feel alot better NOW, i know its ups and downs, and I have thrown myself into my work this weekend, Friday 6pm till 2am, Sat. 6pm till 2am and the same on Sunday, when I am at work, I dont think of him at all, dont have time, and being a bartender there are a few guys here and there to flirt with, makes me feel better, and even more positive, my bank account is growing too!
I used to spend the entire weekends with him, but, whats a girl to do? Sit home and cry, no, not me, i asked for extra shifts from my coworkers who were more than happy to give up holiday weekend shifts to go out and party! Thank you all for listening, I am gonna hang in there, hopefully, and Tues. I didn't know i could chat with u during the day, I have been going to bed soooo early just not to think of where I was a week ago at that time. I hope he comes around, if he doesn't I know time will repair my heart, and I will be ready for the "real thing"
hugs to all of you
thank you!
Louise
PS...any more insight you can share with me please do...I am gonna go have a swim in my pool, lay on the raft, and just enjoy ME!
Hey there
I have so been (am right now) where you are. It sucks so much there aren't words. It's corny (maybe) but what works for me is reminding myself that he probably doesn't want to talk to me anyways because if he did my phone would be ringing right now. And I don't want to talk to anyone who doesn't want to talk to me. I hope you don't either.
I LOVE that you got a mini-makeover. Such a great idea - it can be hard to 'take care' of yourself when there's this stuff going on - pajamas and wine and chick movies are so appealing. I've found that they tend to make me feel worse in the long run though, as i brood and whine and cry for hours and it makes things feel fresher than they were before the sob-fest.
I'm going to go take a page from your book - going to the museum which i love and he wasn't that interested in so we never went. Well, I will. Right now.
Take care - let us all know how you're doing. Remember: you couldn't be less alone in this.
L
xoxo,
Louise
hugs,
Weez
Hey Baby,
I was thinking of you this morning, and once again I'm at work, but it's Saturday, and it's kick back, so I decided to post too ya. I'm happy you decided to stay busy, and with the work you do, you should have at least 6 hours of mental peace. That's good, but we all know, once you get in that car, all hell breaks loose, and you think crazy stuff. I want you to remember how you handled the situation the last time. You caved a couple of times, but you held it down for 6 weeks.
Weez, I have to be honest with you, because this time around, it's going to be hard, and I mean hard!!! You almost are going to have to move to another city, change your number, your job, get a new driver's license and social security card etc,. If you could get into the witness protection program, I would call the FBI and see what you could do to enroll in the identity change, LOL. You know I'm BSing, but you know what I mean. Everyday, you will be faced with challenges that you didn't see the first time. I tell you, you know my story, it's been 1 1/2 year with NC, and I still think of him. Once in awhile, out of nowhere, "call him" runs thru my brain. I don't know where it comes from, but it happens, and I just laugh, because it's trip how the mind plays games on you. So your day 9 of NC, is nothing!! I'm not trying to be mean, but it's the truth. When you can do one month, and then two, and so on, it'll start to get easy, but not too easy. You'll still be tripping. Take it from me. It's going to take you a period of time to get over "him". Just be prepared for that. It will help you. Don't look for any magic wand or pill to make this go away, because during this time, you will think so much, your brain will hurt, but you are also learning valuable lessons that's preparing you for the future. You don't see it now, and you won't, but in the end you will. I never believed that, but after my "mess" of a relationship, things didn't become clearer until the end of it. I still have struggles, and I mean I'm still not over him, but I have moved on, and enjoy dating and men once again. I do not let my guard down, and I really listen to my gut feeling when it comes to someone I'm dating, because I really don't want to make the same mistakes, and I voice myself a bit louder, and let men know what's up and where I stand. Some get offended, but who gives a "shzit". It's about me, and what I want, and this downfall, is all about what you want, right???
You reconciled with "him" and you guys had such a happy ending. I was kinda sad, because we didn't talk we use to, but I understood, and I was really happy for you. I want you this time around, call upon God. He will never let you down. Your not going to get the instant response and help you desperately need at this time, but call upon him everyday, and he will show you signs and help you. I truly believe, God made this decision for you, to break up with him, because you need answers right now in your relationship, and he's probably protecting you for anymore heartache you may feel later on. You know in your heart, your doing the right thing, because you really love "him" and you want to be with him forever. He has to want that also, and until he decides what he wants from you, it's going to be painful. You spent so much time with him, and the lonely panic attacks will come. When that happens, pray, and ask God to help you at that moment. I can guarantee you this, "Mr. Man" is hurting too. I can promise you that!!! He's not going out and looking for somebody to replace you. It's too soon, and if he does, you really have your answers on what your relationship was all about. It will hurt, but you know. He's lonely too, because I do believe he loves you and I don't know him but thru you. But the all the time you spend together, means something. He has included you in every aspect of his life, and that means something too him and you. But committment is scary for him, and he's drowning, because he doesn't want to lose you, but he's scared to give you what you want. You really got to wait for him. There's nothing you can do right now, but sit and wait. How long you wait is up too you, but try and move on as much as you can, because you have to prepare yourself for the worse. He may never call you, and I now that hurts, but be prepared for everything. I'll check on you later, ok. Keep us posted, especially me. Love ya
Hi all,
Why is it we all want to cave? To a man who we have to think doesn't care? I know they all do on some level, but, my goodness. You know what would be great? If all us "newly heartbroken" ladies lived close to eachother, we could hang out, go out, it seems we all need something to DO, someone to hang out with, to get over that hump...I threw myself into my work for the weekend, it helped alot last night, I didn't think of him at all, plus it helps when you work at a bar, fun, loud music, alot of laughter...
And guess what everyone, hows this for moving on...Miss Caving fast over here gave her phone number to a new guy last night, who knows if he will call, but at least its something exiciting to think about. He too is new off a long breakup, that could be trouble for both of us, but at least we laughed alot and made eachother smile. Wish me luck, hopefully he will call and we can get together.
On that prior note, I live in the Jersey shore area...anyone going thru the same thing as me should let me know, and we can go out, get lunch, hang out, window shop, drink coffee at the book stores, lol, I dont know, anything to keep our time slot that we USED to spend with our man, and just try and have fun. Lemme know, I have ALOT of time on my hands now, damn, it hurts, but pretty much all the time.
Hang in there, I'm trying too!
Louise
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