HELP!!! I am caving...fast!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
HELP!!! I am caving...fast!
14
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:04am

Hi everyone,
I feel really bad telling all of you that I am caving, as I had been trying to help you all that are feeling the same way. I hate for all of you to see that by day 9 I am crashing and crying again.

Anyhow, this is my 9th day without contact, after he said he needed a break (after 3 1/2 years of a great relationship that he does not want to commit to) I did so great until the last two days, they were hard ones, I remained strong, did my best not to think about him, but last night I couldn't get him out of my mind no matter howmany times I changed the channel. I tossed and turned, and woke this morning crying, and am still crying, getting my keyboard wet.

I need some support, I want to call him so bad, I miss him like crazy, and to be honest am totally shocked that HE hasn't caved yet. I know its the absolute wrong thing to do, but I just want to talk to him, I really want to scream at him, but I would never do that, then he will be thanking his lucky stars that he moved on from this pathetic, psycho and I will look like an idiot to him...definetly not a woman to be considering a lifetime with.

Anyhow, I am having an anxiety attack, shaking, crying, I dont know what to do, please help me, I am getting really close to texting him or calling or emailing, yikes!!!

Thank you,
Louise

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 1:51pm
Hey Louise ... Just be careful with dating other guys. I know it's tempting, especially when someone is nice and it feels good and you're laughing together. I have found it can really backfire on you though because your heart is still broken and will take a long time to heal. You will probably compare this new guy to your ex ... and that's not fair to either one of you. Or, if the guy says something dumb or does something dumb it may really set you back ... so hard though it is, I would say stay away from other relationships for now ... Perhaps others will disagree with me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 4:44pm

I think the fact that you gave your number to someone is great! I think you know you're not ready to start a huge new relationship with someone else right now - lord knows I'm not! But it's helpful for me to remember that 'he' isn't the last guy that will ever find me attractive or want to flirt with me.

When i went through my last break up (not the current one - it's only day 6 for me), I didn't date for months. I was just feeling too sad and depressed and yucky and knew I had nothing 'real' to offer someone else. i was waiting to feel completely healed from my heartbreak before getting back out there. I waited something like 5 months and remained feeling heartbroken the whole time. Plus I got really bored with my own heartbreak and of thinking about him and feeling sad. And then I went for coffee with someone that I knew I had no chemistry with, but who treated me well and made me laugh, because although I knew it was going to go nowhere, I just wanted out of the house! Nothing ever came of it, but it helped a lot to get out of my house and think that I'd made a real, concrete step towards being done with the self-pity and agony.

Everyone's different, and I don't believe any of us should jump right into the dating pool (or some random guy's bed!) right now. We're all hurting and our self-esteem has taken a horrible beating. But sometimes just a coffee date can make a world of difference to the self-confidence. Do what you think is best.

L

p.s. I have a friend who went out with someone she didn't feel she had chemistry with - she went 'just for fun' and a night out. Well, the guy says that he didn't feel HE was right for her, but wanted to introduce her to his best friend. He thought they would be perfect together. Turns out, he was right - they've now been married for 3 years and just had a daughter. So I guess you never know what will happen from a simple coffee date...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 7:37pm

Louise,

One day at a time chica!
Maybe he'll come around & see what a fool he's been but there's also the sad possibility that maybe he won't. Time will be the only indicator so let some pass and see what happens.... you know your feelings.. maybe he needs some more time figuring out his..
Lifes too short.... so keep it moving girlfriend!
We live in a state where there's much to do here or right next door in the city!

You're doing great, day #10, watch out, here weezie comes! You can be strong for yourself luv, don't let this get you so overwhelmed you feel psycially sick.

As far as pscyo...we all get our moments. So if you yell, scream, cry, love, hate... it's all ok. We're emotional creatures.... we're allowed to be a little nerotic at times, especially when we feel hurt by someone we loved & trusted.

To call or not to call.....you know what you need to do. If you do call him, just be prepared for the worst and realize he may not have the answers to the questions you so deeply want to know.

Be strong & do what you know in your heart, soul, & gut is best for you.

Hugs
Regina

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:29pm

I'm hemmin and hawin over here about the number thing.

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