Help! I don’t know how to break up
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 01-16-2008 - 7:39pm |
I know this may all seem bizarre to some of you but it is a horrible reoccurring pattern that I have and the fact that I can’t bring myself to do it not only exacerbates the situation but it also eats up quality time that I could be spending with myself or someone else that is worthy of my time. Typically, in the past I would either split town (I know! It’s crazy) or try and do something that would make them make the move. I don’t know what it is that prevents me from just being outright frank and ending it all together.
Right now, I am in a relationship with someone and although I really love him and care for him deeply, we are on totally different paths and I just know deep down that he can’t give me what I need. In addition, there is some baggage in this relationship because he is the guy that I started to date right after I separated from my husband (we are divorced now) and to top it off, I don’t even think my ex husband knows about us despite the fact that my boyfriend and him know each other since we all play in the same soccer community. For some reason, I could never get myself to be open about this with my ex husband. Please, I am not asking for judgment right now, I know what I did was wrong. I feel bad about it and I am trying to learn and grow from it now.
Back to my current relationship, I actually have tried to end it or at least, take some time off with him only to find myself back in his arms two or three weeks later. We have a very strong chemistry and it’s hard for me to be in his presence and not be affected in some way. But this relationship, at least for now, has gone on way too long and I, honestly, haven’t even spent any time alone after going through my divorce, which was very difficult for me. Also, I feel like I just want to be single and date other men, if the opportunity arises. I just turned 36 and really want to have the husband and children and as some of you in my situation know, I don’t have a lot of time on my side.
Anyhow, I am wondering if someone can give me some advice about how to go about ending this relationship once and for all or at least for a good 6 months? I want to approach it in an honest way. I guess my biggest concern is that I will rescind as I have in the past, especially since I see him a lot. We hang out with the same people (his friends are my friends) and we both play soccer together. I love playing soccer but should I give it up for awhile and stop seeing my friends so he’s not in my sphere of influence? What would you do in this case? I don’t want to give him all the power but then again maybe the only way I can officially end it is to completely avoid him and cease all communication? Please help!

Welcome to the board brookita,
Setting boundaries for yourself and maintaining them will take work on your part.