Help! I just found something!
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| Fri, 12-29-2006 - 2:23pm |
Help!!!
If you have read my previous posts, you know the situation. I am going to lose it! I wasn't planning on contacting him at all since we broke up last night BUT, I remember him saying something about myspace the other day, so on a whim, I looked to see if he had a site. Now remember, we have been together 3 years and were engaged in just September and broke of the engagement a couple months ago.
He has a myspace and it says he is single!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are also posts from some girl in a different state saying she misses him and can't wait to see him!! Granted, she is truly unattractive and has a child, so I know he would never go for her. But, it's the point! I am so unbelievably hurt. I broke down and called him, because I was just in too much pain from seeing it and wanted an explanation. He said he knew her a long time ago and that he doesn't know why she keeps posting stuff. He said his friend created the site for him, so he had nothing to do with the content (stuff about him being single. He also said that he understands why I would be upset, cuz he would be if it were me and that he would take it down or change it. I said what's the point? He has been keeping this stuff a secret and making himself available on myspace and we were supposedly getting married at some point????
I started questioning him more about the nasty girl on his site and told him I sent her a message to ask her why she's sending that stuff when I was dating him and supposed to marry him. He got mad at me and hung up on me. Nothing from him since.
I am going insane. I feel like the past three years are all a big lie. I feel like I wasted my life sitting around crying about him. I don't know how to get over this. I need serious help. I feel like my options are running out.

I'm sorry this time is so trying for you, this has to be a huge let down, especially at this time of year.
Sorry for you pain.
"Granted, she is truly unattractive and has a child, so I know he would never go for her."
For the record, I gotta say, because so many people think that affair are about someone's looks, it's not. Emotional bonding, intimately sharing, fuels sexual desire.
::I started questioning him more about the nasty girl on his site and told him I sent her a message to ask her why she's sending that stuff when I was dating him and supposed to marry him. He got mad at me and hung up on me. Nothing from him since.
He's mad because you CAUGHT HIM. He lied. Right, his friend set it up, set the setting to 'public' and this girl *just* found him.
::I am going insane. I feel like the past three years are all a big lie. I feel like I wasted my life sitting around crying about him. I don't know how to get over this. I need serious help. I feel like my options are running out.
Not necesarrily a lie, not the entire 3 years, but the last few months for sure. He didn't want to tell you what was going on, he thought he could control it, he thought it was no big deal, he was just getting his ego stroked, he had no clue the damage it would do to the relationship, because he didn't want to know.
Start journal writing, VENT on paper. Write him UNSENT HATE MAIL, then burn it. It's going to take awhile to rid yourself of the rage. But at least, well, hopefully, that rage will prevent you from taking him back ever.
Sorry you have to go through this.
Carrie
Hi Kveraj
I'm sorry you're going through this.
I don't really know if I think you should take his myspace page seriously. Although I agree with Sandra on everything else she said I don't think that all guys put a single status on their myspace page (my ex put in a relationship on his page and still hasn't changed that on his profile but he hasn't logged in anyway since 6 weeks after the breakup and we broke up 6 months ago. Now he has his profile on a dating site so that goes to show how much and how little it means). The thing is and the point is, if you keep focusing on this you are distracting yourself from the MAIN ISSUES and also losing your last bit of dignity. Ive been there, I called my ex up furious cause I got it in my head there was another woman after the breakup. It wasn't true and the only thing that came out of that was my own humiliation and then more distance between me and my ex. So do yourself a favor and don't check up on him anywhere. I know its hard, its almost impossible but if you manage to do that you will come out of this much stronger than you ever thought you could be.
People look for a distraction after a breakup because it hurts. The networking sites are a distraction. It really doesn't sound like myspace is a big part of your exes life so why would you give it so much meaning?
Focus on the real issues that drove you apart, try to fix them and when you feel that anger and desperation overwhelming you, go out for a walk or a run, punch a pillow, call a friend but whatever you do - don't call the ex. There's a reason why people say this on this site. Its because we've been there and we know how counterproductive it is.
Good luck!
PS - Just wanted to add this as I just now read your previous posts:
I didn't read all the details of your fights as it seems to be quite complicated and often making much out of nothing. I just browsed through it, and I'm stepping back to see the whole picture and I want to tell you what I see: If you want to marry this guy, I don't really understand why you are allowing yourself all these drama's small and big. I'm tempted to think you are subconsciously trying to sabotage your own relationship. When a man says "I don't think so" it can be translated into "No - but seeing how crazy you're acting right now and if you push me a little harder, I just might end up taking that other girl to the wedding after all". Seriously think about this. Sorry for being harsh. I understand you are in pain and I'm not judging you, I definitely have done something similar in the past. But notice how us dumpees on this site are always ready to attack the dumper and write him/her off as a bad person when in fact we have an equal responsibility and are equally to blame. I don't mean to come down hard on you, I just hope it helps you to think about this.