HELP!!!!!!! I NEED AN ADVISE PLEASE!!!
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| Thu, 11-17-2005 - 9:38pm |
PLEASE READ MY POST : PLEASE HELP. FIRST DAY AFTER BREAK UP SO YOU WILL UNDERSTAND ME
AFTER 10 days he wrote me this today. i HAVEN'T CONTACT HIM SINCE HE BROKE UP.
if you read my post you would understand.
what do you think about that. I am Very confuse !!! SHOULD I HAVE ANY HOPES ????????
ANY SUGGESTION PLEASE HELP ME
THIS IS WHAT WROTE ME TODAY:
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I have not wanted to reply because I feel very badly for what happened. I do not know when I started feeling like this or if I will ever change. But I know that it is not YOUR fault. And there is no one else, and I don't want anyone else. It's how things are , and I would feel like this with anyone. You made me happy, you made me feel happy to be around you and kept me smiling. I'm just feeling like it's too much to do, not because you ask me to do anything or demand from me.
I want to ask for your forgiveness for being so abrupt about this, and hurting you again; I know it was sudden to you. I am very sorry for putting you through all this and for doing it at a really bad time. There is nothing I can do or say to fix the hurt that you must feel. Just believe me when I say that it is not your fault, there is nothing wrong with you. You are an almost perfect woman, I don't know if there is anyone else like you; probably not. I mean that . You showed me how great a person can be and how giving, considerate, loving and caring a girlfriend should be. I know you don't believe me, but I don't care for anyone else, not since you came along. You showed me the best this world has to offer and I really don't think I'll have that same luck again.
You were right, I can be immature and don't share my feelings enough. It's hard to change some things and this is what it has led to. I can imagine how you must feel and what you're going through. That's what makes me cry, thinking of what I did to you. I cry because I know you must be crying, and asking yourself questions and blaming yourself. You always put yourself down when something happens, but please don't do it this time. YOU ARE NOT a failure, ugly, demanding, pushy; YOU ARE THE TOTAL OPPOSITE. This was not your fault, it's just something that snuck up on me, and I can't stop it.
I just cannot write enough to apologize or make up for the damage. Also, I can't write enough words to tell you how great you are and how much of a difference you made in my life, you showed me the best qualities in a person. I am very very...sorry for building you up, and then knocking you down. I know there is no one to hear you know and how much I meant to you. Trust me, it kills me, I feel like the meanest person in the world. I feel like I lied to you, because I've taken it all away. I wasted two years of your life, I know for you that is a long time. I was the only person you had and I abandoned you. I'm sorry for ruining your life, and wasting your time. I took so much from you and left you with nothing.
You are so great, and I feel like trash for breaking your heart when you repeatedly asked me not to. I hope you are able to be happy again, and trust someone again, and treat someone with all your love again. You are a very beautiful and ambitious woman, and I don't doubt you'll have someone wanting to make you happy. Please don't block anyone from getting close to you again, I don't want to prevent you from finding someone that will fulffill the things you want in life. That would be something that would make me want to die, although I think sometimes it would be better if I were not around to hurt you.
I hope you persevere and continue with your life, and not let this ruin it. Even though I haven't prayed in years, I hope to God that you get to sell your condo and make a lot of money and buy the car you want and live the way you want, and retire. I hope I don't make you give up on anything, or feel like you have nothing to live for.
Please, don't ever apologize to me again, you haven't done anything wrong. I will always be in debt to you for all that you did for me. I don't know if I can ever look you in the eye again, or hold a conversation with you, but we'll see. I'm sorry if you need me for support and I'm not there. I know this way of communicating is very impersonal, but I don't have the courage to talk to you on a phone or in person. I have to hide behind this computer and the distance, because I lack the courage. If you ever need anything from me, you can ask, just please understand how ashamed I am.
I know the only thing left to say is good bye, but I can't even do that.

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hey hi everybody
today my EX sent me an e-mail
it made me feel so bad all he said is :
I wanted to say to you again that I am sorry
I am so sad to know what you are going through. I probably won't be happy again until I know that you are able to be happy and living a wonderful life.
I feel miserable knowing what I've done to you. I am the worst thing and person in this world for having hurt you. You did nothing but find every way to make me happy, and I took everything away from you. I am sorry for you having to face people and your family on days like today, when they all ask for me. I am sorry for the shame, and sadness I am causing you; because I know I am. But don't worry, I'm paying for it.
You can't imagine how I feel about this. I have ruined your holidays and wasted your time. I have scarred you emotionally and left you alone again. But don't worry, I am paying for my actions. I will be paying for it until I know that you are happy. I've never felt like this before, because of something I did. But now I know what it's like to break someone's heart, and it is just as bad as having it broken.
You are a great person, and I thank you for everything you did for me. I am sorry I have repaid you in this way. Just please...be happy! Try your best to get what you want it life and to be happy. I won't be the same again until I know you are. I don't want to live knowing that someone is hurting so much because of me.
You don't have to forgive me, or sympathize. I just want you to be the happy person you were .
WHY WHYYYY !!!!!HE KEEPS WRITTING THIS ....THIS IS HORRIBLE ...IT MAKES ME FEEL HORRIBLE .. HE SOUNDS LIKE HE FEELS SO SORRY ABOUT ME ...IT MAKES ME SICK !!!!! I HAVEN'T CONTACT HIM IN ANY WAY SINCE WE BROKE UP .. SO WHY CAN HE DO THE SAME???...I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE. IT IS BAD ENOUGH FOR ME TO KNOW THAT HE DOESN'T LOVE ME TO NOW KNOW THAT HE FEELS SORRY FOR ME ....WHAT MAKE HIM FEEL I NEED TO GET E-MAILS WITH ALL THIS #@$@ WHAT IS HE THINKING??? I DON'T NEED HIM WISHING ME ANY LUCK OR TELLING ME TO BE HAPPY !!! WHAT IS HIS F#$@ POINT
ALL I KNOW IS THAT I'M MOVING ON, BUT WHEN I GET SH@&* LIKE THIS SETS ME BACK
SORRY I NEEDED TO VENT
WHY IS HE DOING THIS ????? I HATE IT !!!!!
Vivian,
Few days ago, you were complaining that he hadn't contacted you for two weeks and now that he has done it, you say you hate it. Or maybe what you don't like is what he telling you.
I suggest that you block his email. Send him a brief message telling him that you appreciate his concern but you want privacy. I think he is underestimating you strenght to move on. Don't let anybody to affect your mood. Stick to the no contact rule and you will feel better sooner than later.
Hi Vivian - I was reading the thread and have a few things to say.
But first, I'd like to say to iliana that her posts to you are lacking insight and sensitivity. I don't think you shuld take them close to heart.
As to your guy... You know what - I would have replied to him that he shouldn't worry, because you are fine and DATING OTHER GUY. Sorry for being so drastic, however this guy is really crazy - after injury he is adding an insult to you; he is putting salt on your wound - and I think SUBCONSCIOUSLY he wants to do it - to hurt you more.
BUT MOST OF ALL!!!! The only thing he really cares about is his little EGO and his guilt - he writes it only for himself to redeem himself! I'd be brutal to him, for this hypocricy.
Please defend yourself, protect yourself from these male ego games. Don't fall victim to him. Write to him that it is over for you and you are feeling fine so he should not feel guilty anymore.
Stay cool!
i will do that !!!
thank you for your post
it is true he is addind salt tl my wound
but i don't understand this part:
BUT MOST OF ALL!!!! The only thing he really cares about is his little EGO and his guilt - he writes it only for himself to redeem himself! I'd be brutal to him, for this hypocricy.
can you explain it please
thanks a lot
he does not want to feel bad about HIMSELF, he does't want to FEEL GUILTY- see it's all about him, not you. He writes to you to get rid of the guilt, to feel better about himself. I can just picture how good/self-fulfilled/even emotional he must be feeling about himself after sending you these 'forgive me/sorry' (but it's all false!). Not only he got rid of you, but now he is also getting his redemption from you and therefore his reward from his game. He wants you to think how kind and nice he is, that he is so thoughtful and caring. Therefore, you will want him back even more, you will have mixed feelings, contradicting thoughts about him - a good mix for everlasting suffering and misery. But his aim is to be good in your eyes so that his real act is covered. hard to explain but one thing I know: these 'sorry' people always stay 'sorry', because they LIKE it, they don't want to change, they want others to pity them and to care about them. they are simply selfish and primitive. if he is crying, he is crying only about himself...
also, never trust WORDS, from anyone at all, - only facts and actions speak the truth. trust your intuition, your guts, make your own choices, don't play the role HE wants you to play. And he wants you to play a role of miserable but still loving confused abandoned victim with her thoughts full of him ! See - all his words achieve exactly this result, not the one that he writes to you. He knows what he is doing, unless he is 15 years old, and it's up to you to stop it and explicitly express your indignation for his hypocritical behaviour to him.
irena can i talk to you ?
i would like to ask you something
how can i contact you???
do you have instant message
please post me
thank you for taking the time to read my ost and replay
I read your e-mail and it makes a lot of sense
i think you're right. but at the same time is horrible to realize i did not know him at ALL
I agree he is a selfish person and wants to play a horrible game on me, he is been playing with my mind
but it is NOT going to happen. !!!!!! NO MORE !!!!!
I am NOT going to play the role he wants me to play in fact, i'm going to do the total opposite.
I an not going to replay to him, because I don't want to play an e-mail game. I am much better than that. I am going to take action so i am going to block his e-mail address. like you said action is what counts!!!
i do not need his compasion
i'm moving on and that is the only thing it matters
he does no deserve one more of my tears ....never AGAIN
IT"S OVER !!!
thank you ireana you opened my eyes
hey, no problem! good lesson for the future :-)
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