HELP IM CANT MAKE IT
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| Wed, 10-20-2004 - 6:47pm |
I am struggling so hard today. Everyone knows its been 3 weeks no contact and I'm hurting so bad.
Okay I know what I'm about to say is immature so please dont bash on me about it cause I understand I'm stupid for doing it.
Once we broke up I would call his phone to check his messages...thats how I found out 3 weeks ago he was talking to this girl.
So today I've been thinking about calling him after work to see how he is doing. I just want to hear his voice again. But I decide that I will call and check his messages to see if he is still talking to her or not. That would give me an idea of how to make the conversation later. Well like an idiot I call but this time he has changed his password. THAT KILLED ME!! So what does that mean? Is he talking to someone and its getting serious so he doesnt want me to know? He didnt mind hurting me all those other times what is so different now. I am so hurt and I dont know what to do. I want to call him later but I know it will be the same pushoff he has given me before. I know I'll ask him about "US" and it will push him farther. Someone please help. Im sitting at my desk crying and depressed. I dont know what to do anymore. I cant do this anymore...

Hi hun,
Look, I know it hurts right now. I really do understand. I used to look in my ex's e-mail. But it hurt doing that, and I told him to change his password. It's much better not being able to get in to his e-mail. Well, I do have to admit that I try a different password every now and then...lol....I'm not a saint! But it's better to not know what is going on. Sometimes, in order to heal, we need to be pushed to the edge.....I think you might be there....that edge where you feel like you just can't do it anymore. When you've hit rock bottom. Then the only way to go is up. Maybe you are meant to be with him. Maybe you're not. But right NOW, you're not.
"He didnt mind hurting me all those other times"....Hun, why do you want to be with a guy who has hurt you so many times, and who obviously is continuing to do so? I'm in the same position as you...I want my ex back....but he hurt me SO bad, that everytime I think about missing him, or wanting him back, I try to remember how he made me feel. You deserve better!!!
Take it one day at a time. 3 weeks is quite an accomplishment. Something I haven't managed yet. Take care, lots of hugs,
Karen
I understand how you feel.... when I read your post I was struck by how seemingly helpless you sounded. One thing to remember is that you are only in control of you. You can't control what he does. I know this is much easier said than done since I'm going through some of my own relationship issues right now. :( but whenever I feel really hopeless I try to think about all the great things about myself and in my life and tell myself that if this doesn't work out. If I don't end up with my bf at the end- I won't die. I'll be sad and cry and feel really low for a while but I'll know that that will pass one day.
I don't know if this helps at all. It always seems so much worse and hopeless when it's happening to you. Just know that you CAN make it and you will. You should try to not call him and substitute with another activity. Everytime I feel like calling my bf (and we are definitely not in a good or healthy relationship at the moment) I do something else like try to read or cook. Sounds silly but it really works get me pass that particular moment when it seems I have to talk to him or bust.
I made it through yesterday without calling!! I had to call 2 friends and my mom just to have them finally convince me not to do it. The days are getting longer and longer. I know I can't call him cause I'll look so pathetic. If he wants me hell call me. Oh I have anyother question but I'll make a new post. Thank you for your kind words I really helps me get through my days.
Nessa