HELP IM CANT MAKE IT

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
HELP IM CANT MAKE IT
8
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 6:47pm

I am struggling so hard today. Everyone knows its been 3 weeks no contact and I'm hurting so bad.

Okay I know what I'm about to say is immature so please dont bash on me about it cause I understand I'm stupid for doing it.

Once we broke up I would call his phone to check his messages...thats how I found out 3 weeks ago he was talking to this girl.

So today I've been thinking about calling him after work to see how he is doing. I just want to hear his voice again. But I decide that I will call and check his messages to see if he is still talking to her or not. That would give me an idea of how to make the conversation later. Well like an idiot I call but this time he has changed his password. THAT KILLED ME!! So what does that mean? Is he talking to someone and its getting serious so he doesnt want me to know? He didnt mind hurting me all those other times what is so different now. I am so hurt and I dont know what to do. I want to call him later but I know it will be the same pushoff he has given me before. I know I'll ask him about "US" and it will push him farther. Someone please help. Im sitting at my desk crying and depressed. I dont know what to do anymore. I cant do this anymore...

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 9:23pm

Hi hun,

Look, I know it hurts right now. I really do understand. I used to look in my ex's e-mail. But it hurt doing that, and I told him to change his password. It's much better not being able to get in to his e-mail. Well, I do have to admit that I try a different password every now and then...lol....I'm not a saint! But it's better to not know what is going on. Sometimes, in order to heal, we need to be pushed to the edge.....I think you might be there....that edge where you feel like you just can't do it anymore. When you've hit rock bottom. Then the only way to go is up. Maybe you are meant to be with him. Maybe you're not. But right NOW, you're not.

"He didnt mind hurting me all those other times"....Hun, why do you want to be with a guy who has hurt you so many times, and who obviously is continuing to do so? I'm in the same position as you...I want my ex back....but he hurt me SO bad, that everytime I think about missing him, or wanting him back, I try to remember how he made me feel. You deserve better!!!

Take it one day at a time. 3 weeks is quite an accomplishment. Something I haven't managed yet. Take care, lots of hugs,

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 9:30pm
Stay strong and don't call. Tomorrow is my 3 week mark of NC and I have been a mess all day. I miss him so much there are times I feel I can't breathe... but I also know that nothing good can come of me talking to him & I feel the same is true for you. As for why he changed his password, who knows? Don't kill yourself trying to figure it out. There is nothing wrong with being sad right now - crawl into bed and cry until you can't cry another tear - that's ok! Just stay strong and don't call him, you will just prolong the pain if you contact him at this point. Believe me, I'm in the same boat & I feel for you... Take good care of yourself & if you feel like calling him call a friend or family member instead, or come to these boards for some support. You're not alone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 5:47am

I understand how you feel.... when I read your post I was struck by how seemingly helpless you sounded. One thing to remember is that you are only in control of you. You can't control what he does. I know this is much easier said than done since I'm going through some of my own relationship issues right now. :( but whenever I feel really hopeless I try to think about all the great things about myself and in my life and tell myself that if this doesn't work out. If I don't end up with my bf at the end- I won't die. I'll be sad and cry and feel really low for a while but I'll know that that will pass one day.

I don't know if this helps at all. It always seems so much worse and hopeless when it's happening to you. Just know that you CAN make it and you will. You should try to not call him and substitute with another activity. Everytime I feel like calling my bf (and we are definitely not in a good or healthy relationship at the moment) I do something else like try to read or cook. Sounds silly but it really works get me pass that particular moment when it seems I have to talk to him or bust.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 11:39am

I made it through yesterday without calling!! I had to call 2 friends and my mom just to have them finally convince me not to do it. The days are getting longer and longer. I know I can't call him cause I'll look so pathetic. If he wants me hell call me. Oh I have anyother question but I'll make a new post. Thank you for your kind words I really helps me get through my days.

Nessa

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 2:13pm
You can make it, trust me, it's just going to take time. The only way you can heal is not to call me. Trust me it's hardiest thing to do, because I'm going thru the same thing, and it's been 5 weeks today, and this morning I was crying, but I held ground and wiped my tears and started journal writing. You should do that, it really helps, and it keeps your life in perspective on what your feeling everyday. Try it! Your guy changed his password, because he no longer wants you to hear who's leaving message. Don't be mad at him, that's his choice and his way of saying he wants his privacy. Give it to him, and try not to let it bother you. I know that's not easy, because I'm experiencing the same thing your going thru, but time will give you a chance to heal. I can't wait until I actually have healed, it still hurts after 5 weeks, but each day brings progress. WHATEVER YOU, DON'T CALL, IT MAKES US LOOK WEAK AND PATHETIC!!! But if you need to call, then be prepared if he rejects you or says things to hurt you, that will save you for not getting so hurt. You will be ok one day, remember that, and remember that the pain will not last forever. The pain, depression and anger your feeling is natural and it's ok to feel like that, IT'S OK, OK? Let me know how your doing, because talking about it also helps, I wish you luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 11:54pm
nessa....i know how you feel right now, ive been through that 5 months back, mine was even worse, he dated someone right after dumping me....its going to be a struggle for you but trust me in saying this...IT WILL GET BETTER......i know right now it doesnt feel like it will because the pain is choking you. just cry, theres nothing wrong in crying and when u felt like uve cried hard enough, cry some more..let it all out....try to live each day one day at a time, trey to survive each day....every morning just paray that god gives u strength to survive it and at nite thank god for helping you survive...if u dont go to the gym, go...it helps when ur doing something , u get a bonus when u get a smile from strangers, im not saying go to the gym and get another boyfriend, just keep yourself busy and it will make u healthier too....believe me this too shall pass, ive been there, and guess what, they broke up and now he wanted to get back together, i said no ( took a lot of strength), but i did...i did that for myself now because i want revenge but i want to prove to myself that im strong, if its meant to be for us it will happen, but not right now, i worked so hard to be in this place....u have to learn to let it go....thats the only way for him to come back to you (if u want him to), hang in there and keep on posting it will help u feel better....people here are very helpful with advices because they have been through it....SMILE and live your life the way you want it to be...for you to be happy :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 10:54pm
I have a question for you sad girl, how long did you two date, and when did you actually get over the hurt and pain? Because I was seeing this guy for only a few months, which felt like an eternity, and I have good days and bad, but I can;t stop thinking of him. It's everyday, and the thinking of him is wanting him to apologize to me for hurting me. It's been 5 weeks since I last spoke to him, and I hit rock bottom that day, crying on his voicemail telling him how he hurt me, it was so pathetic, but I thought I needed to do that because I feel you should let them know how they hurt you, without hiding your feelings, they need to know, so maybe they will one day realize they made a mistake. I'm hoping he will realize that and one day apologize to, because I want that. Did you ever get an apology, and after you guys broke up, how long did it take for you to hear from him again? Did you call him or did he call you? I want my a$$hole to call me, so it can be like a payback to him for hurting me. I might not get the phone call and I know I will never call him, but it would be nice. Do you have any advice for me, because even though he hurt me, I still love him? I noticed you said he started dating right after you guys broke up, and he tried to get back with you. Where are you two now at this point, and will you give him another chance? Please help me with my dilema because I don't want to make more mistakes with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 2:14am
dev...i was in the same situation 5 months ago....we dated for 4 years....i felt like i was going to die, i wanted him to call and apologize over and over again..in fairness to him he attempted several times but during those times i yelled at him for hurting me...so thats when i decided to do the no contact thing....because if i didnt i he wouldnt respect me anymore because of all the yelling and that in the end i will not respect myslef because i was at the point where im starting to lose it. i decided that it should stop....i deleteded all his sn from my IM, did not pick up his calls, it was sooooo hard not to pick up the calls...i was always tempted to call or send an email, but i didnt. u know wut helped me a lot....listen to the song "the reason" by hoobstank..it helped a lot..i pretended he was the one saying it to me..i played it over and over and over...i posted on this message board every time i felt like calling him...i cried when i felt like crying.....i always pray to god that i survive the day every time i wake up in the morning, just to go through the day i always pray for him to give me the strength and courage to face the day...and you know wut, i did...i lived each day one day at a time....i went to the gym a lot, u know it really helped when u get smiles from strangers...dont go to the gym to meet a new bf..go to the gym to have fun and keep urself busy....it wasnt easy...but u know in time the pain will be less...u will miss him but the longing is not as much as when it ended....right after my bday, thats when he called and we talked for an hour....then he would call like every 2 weeks...then it was easier to talk to him....b4 i felt like crying whenever i hear his voice....now 5 months after, he broke up with the girl and wanted to get back together because he said i was very nice and good to him....i was tempted, im not going to lie because i thought thats wut i was waiting for...but i said no..i told him to meet new people and date other people, i said if its meant to be for us it will happen.....see.....it seems like u will never get pass through this, but trust me.....it may or may not bring him back to u, but u will live, u will see that there is something to look forward to....something good will come out of this believe me....u know at the gym i even started to have a crush, and u know it helped me a lil bit, just a lil something to give u excitement..create ur own excitements and u will see...before u know it the pain is less.....it will be a lonely raod to recovery but u will see....this too shall pass.....kepp on posting it will make u feel better! :)