Help me break up with her!!
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Help me break up with her!!
| Wed, 09-01-2004 - 10:33am |
I need all the advice I can get. I really appreciate anything could help me get out of this emotional pain and stress. I caught my girlfriend cheating on me 3 weeks ago. It was the most painful thing I had every experienced. It's been a year since we are together and after 6 months into relationship I had to move to a different state. But we both decided to see each other once a month and then after her apt lease is over, she would move with me. But I found out she was cheating on me while I was away. My love for this girl is more than I can imagine, I would never thought I could forgive her and I actually did..She kept telling me I am the one who she loves and she can not see me w/o her and she can not stand seeing another girl with me and etc..So I broke down and took her back, despit she wont see other guy at all..She hold herself for a week...then she slept with him again...Again, I was torn and in a mess..I forgave her again and I know everyone has told me that I should not have and move on..If I could really tell anyone how much I care for this girl..These 3 weeks been the most painful time of my life..she still keeps calling me every morning like use to and tells me she loves me and I know she still talk to the other guy..I am hurting myself which I shouldn't..I was honest with her in our relationship and I wanted her to be the same...we were really happy together, even friends and family could see how much we loved each other..she still tells me she loves me, and I guess I like to hear that and it makes me weak to break up or anything..but it hurts me when she tells me she still talk to the other guy (they work in a same place)..I told her to write down the things she doesnt like about me...She came up with nothing..that made her cry and made me cry too since I cant see her hurt..My heart say something different than my brain...I found myself crying to sleep and waking up crying...But, I get this little hope when she calls me and talks like nothing has happend..then after few hours, I go back to normal mess...Finally, this weekend I am flying down to her and I really need to do something about this. I know that he is going to call when I am there and I can not stand it..I know it is my choise and I should break up..how do I do that while she tells me she loves me!!!?!? She has no idea what she has put into and what pain and mess I am...This weekend got to be the last weekend..I want to break it up and feel good about it..so I can be in less pain...Please, any help or advice would really be appreciated...
Thank you,
Brad

I don't know how to break up with someone....I have the attitude that it'll work if you just work on it. But it takes TWO people...and she's just not there for you. She's cheating on you....that's the one thing I don't think I could ever forgive. She says she loves you? You don't hurt the ones you love....you don't go out and do hurtful things, ever. She keeps hurting you by calling and telling you she loves you.....she is the one who created the situation, and she should be big enough to know she has to live with the consequences.....which is the end of the two of you. I'm so very, very sorry that this has happened to you. i can understand the pain you must be going through. My situation, although it doesn't involve pysical cheating, is similar cause I am still very much in love with my ex. And I know how much it hurts. Be strong. Don't let this drag out. *Try* not to do anything pysical with her...it'll make it that much harder on YOU. She's using you. Plain and simple. She knows she can get emotional support from you, and she draining you dry. Good luck Brad. Let us know how it turns out.
Karen
You've asked this question, and have received the answer, in your prior post - just stop, stop taking her calls, stop seeing her, it's not as if she won't know WHY you're doing it. Just get off the rollercoaster, and back to reality. She's living in a fantasy world where she's torn between two lovers, caught up in the anguish and longing and guilt, but here in the real world the consequence of that kind of betrayal is that you're out on your butt. Put her there. She may come around, or she may not, but you have to be strong - tell her she has hurt you terribly, that you deserve better, then walk out the door. We're all willing to support you during the process of grieving for the loss of your relationship, but you have to take the step to extricate yourself from an untenable situation. For crying out loud, don't go see her. Tell her how it's got to be - she can't seem to commit to a decision, so you'll make it easy for her - you can't live like this, you won't, so you wish her the best but don't contact you again. Then enforce it. And be aware that most cheaters will try to wheedle their way back, but have every intent of trying to keep their cake and eat it too, so you must keep your resolve if she starts contacting you after the breakup. Maybe, with time and counseling and self-motivation, she could change, but that will not happen in a matter of hours, days, or weeks, so you need to not fall into the trap of going back to her.
Second, thank your lucky stars that she did this for you when you could not! Take it one day at a time, and DO NOT CONTACT HER or allow her to contact you (she sounds emotionally unhealthy enough that she might go back and forth, if only because she misses the attention and the drama). You WILL get better, in time, if you don't have contact and you work on accepting that it's over and that the two of you aren't right for each other (and how can she be if she's a cheater?).
Sheri
karen
kmjohnson21@hotmail.com
if i am correct, she will most likely have no reason and hesitate to answer u.
I'm sorry to say, but she has no idea what LOVE is or the true meaning behind it. What she is doing to u is nothing like she claims. In my perspective (what i read so far) her action towards u and the relationship basically say: i dont care, i do what i want when i want, he'll keep forgiving me, i have him in the palm of my hand, i control his feeling and the relationship. Sorry to say, these r ur girlfriends thoughts about u. It's just like that saying "once a cheater, always a cheater". Put ur foot down and take control. whatever u do, dont follow in her foot steps and cheat on her out of frustration and pain. dont sleep with someone else to get even with her. u will only make things worse. just do the right thing and stay away from her. Heck, change ur phone number if u have to...thats what i did....dont let her walk all over u. take control of urself and the situation. its in your hands to do whats right.....for your sake..... good luck