Help me decide what to do!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Help me decide what to do!!!
4
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 12:05am
After a very tumultuous year and three months my boyfriend and I called it quits... Actually, he broke up with me stating that he needed "space" and "time apart". Of course by that he meant "time to party with my friends without an angry girlfriend to come home to". We still fought during our time apart because I have no trust in him!! We finally decided to forget the whole idea of a relationship and just be friends - which worked out just fine for a week. Now he calls and wants me back. Well, we've been through this and the fighting and the drama soooooo much that I'm pretty much done with it. He was so mean to me sometimes that now I feel like I don't even know myself anymore. I want ME back. He's just so agressive that I don't know how to handle it. He's a me me me kinda guy so when I explain things to him from my point of view he just gets mad. What do I do? Should I go back until he breaks up with me again so he can't blame it on me and sabotage my single life and every relationship thereafter? Or should I just be brave and tell him to go away? I would like to maintain our friendship, but I just don't think it's going to happen. HELP.
Avatar for alsatia23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 12:41am

Be brave and strong, and tell him to go away!







Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 11:02am

"Or should I just be brave and tell him to go away?"

Bingo!

"I would like to maintain our friendship"

Now this is what I don't understand. Why would you want to still be friends with him? Are those qualities you LIKE in your friends? Do you want your friends to be self absorbed? Do you look for friends who selfish and have to have things their own way? Do you like friends who you can't trust?

That's where I'm confused. All the qualities (or lack of) that made him a lousey BF also make him a lousey friend. Why do you want to chose to keep that negativity in your life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 9:25pm
Hey, I know how hard it can be to show a guy, particularly one that you have strong feelings for, the door. But honestly, I think you're halfway there. You recognize that in the process of this relationship you've let yourself go. I've seen girls that have been in relationships for a long time and still think they're the same person they were before the relationship began, even though they are the relationship and that's it. It might be really hard but the other half is the day by day, hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute struggle not to call, text message or E-mail him. Contact friends you might have lost along the way, spend more time with your family and maybe make a change in your appearence to make yourself look as well as feel like a new woman. Get a new hairstyle, try a new style of dress, and I've found this helps; change the ringer on your cell phone. Just a few suggestions. If you're thinking about getting back together think long and hard about where you think it will go, if the answer is a circle, best to move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 12:27am
If I were you, I'd just go your seperate ways....forget the relationship and forget the friendship.....why would you want to be friends with someone who was mean to you and someone you can't trust and who would possibly sabatoge your relationship?? Just tell him you don't want to be friends and stop all contact. It will be hard at first but I think it would help alot in the long run. Good luck no matter what you decide!! We're here if you need to talk!!











Photobucket