Help Me Explain Why We Shouldn't Talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Help Me Explain Why We Shouldn't Talk
7
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 6:04pm

A little background- we dated for 2 yrs and 2 months, I stayed there a good 6 nights a week, we are both 26 and young professionals.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 7:12pm

May I suggest that you stop communicating with him with long drawn out explanations about how you cannot communicate with him?

 

 

 

 

 

******************************************* “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 8:16pm

I don't think he wants to understand--I think he just wants to be selfish.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 8:31pm

Hi,

I agree with the other responders. He is being selfish, i.e., you are helping him by talking to him. Its not mutual. It is hurting you. Furthermore, you are not in any way obligated t explain your reasons to him.

trillian

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 8:38pm

I agree. My bf does not understand why after this we can not be friends. He thinks it is immature. My guess is immature people can't see how mature (and hard!) that is to do! Tell him that it is healthy to take time to heal and that is what you are going to do. Tell him the minimum time you need to heal (two months for ex.) and tell him that you will not be able to talk to him during that time. If he cares about you at all as a friend, he will understand.

Good luck!
Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 6:40pm

Thanks for all of the advice ladies, I agree that he's being selfish- I spoke to him again last night he still didn't understand why we can't continue contact, he even wants to take me to dinner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 6:51pm

congratulations ju1ez!

I found that reading articles, websites, and books on breaking up and relationship issues helps me to see things in a clearer light. (I LOVE "It's called a breakup because it's broken"- book)! I also looked up some of his issues too, so I could further drill into my head that it is HIM and I did not do anything wrong!

I am also trying to keep busy! Yesterday I had nothing to do (I am on vacation from grad school), so I went to the laundromat and the book store! Today, I had to meet classmates to work on a project. Tomorrow my mom is coming to visit and on Thursday I am going back to my hometown for the weekend to spend time with family and friends.

Good luck! We are here to support each other!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 7:00pm
I remember the sad, uncomfortable weeks following the final no contact talk ("no REALLY... I need time to myself"). I felt restless, like I was waiting for something to happen. And I felt the loss of hope, too -- like there was nothing to look forward to, not even a possibility of something. It's hard as hell but you've done the right thing. It helped to change my routine a little bit, and get busy. I tried to create real things to look forward to, even if it was just a movie or something. I kept reminding myself over and over again that he wasn't right for me and consulted the evidence (a list of things that weren't good about the relationship... essential, because in many ways it was a fantastic relationship). It also helped to remind myself that nothing good could come out of resuming contact -- nothing. It's a given that I would be hurt again. No contact is hard, but logically you know it will get better and you won't feel that way forever. Hugs to you.