Help me figure this out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Help me figure this out?
4
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 11:29pm
Things are working out..thanks for all your help!


Edited 11/9/2006 6:06 pm ET by sandalsweety
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 12:49am

You find a picture of a naked woman lying ON YOUR EX'S BED, and he says they 'are just friends'??!! Who emails naked pictures of themselves to their FRIENDS?? I really think your ex has moved on, and he's just not telling you because he probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

If I were you, I'd return my plane tickets and start no contact with him right away to start the healing process of getting over him. I can relate to your situation a lot. My ex and I have been broken up for about 4 months now. The bigger part for our break up was due to him moving away to another city. You will go through a lot of different phases, denial will be the first, then you'll get sad/depressed, then angry, and then you'll just eventually come to grips with the break up. I'm going back and fourth from sad, to angry, to over it, back to sad again... it's a long process but it gets better every day. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but like they say, only time will heal you.

This is why starting no contact with him is really important. In order to get over him, you have to cut him out of your life. This is the hardest part of all, but it's really the only way to go about it. I haven't initiated any contact with my ex in over 2 months. Your ex will probably contact you during this phase to see where you're at, just be sure not to set yourself back in your progress by talking to them. (I know it's really hard!) Bottom line is: You can't be friends with someone you still have feelings with. So until you can honestly talk to your ex with no emotion attached to it, you should continue with the no contact rule.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 11:44am
He may not be dating her, but I bet my life savings he is sleeping with his "friend"..Of course he would tell you nothing is going on because he doesn't want to hurt you, but come on now, a naked girl on his bed??
I know your head is telling you not to go see him, but your heart is telling you otherwise and unfortunately, we usually let our heart rule over our head. If you go, just know that you will only be prolonging the inevitable, making it more dificult for you to let go. Why not start the healing process now? So then you can start moving on with your life and perhaps later down the road when you know you are over him, you both can truly be friends again?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 9:27pm

::but always go back together cause he wanted to be "friends".

What he wanted was to be friends with benefits. And you accepted the situation because you wanted more and getting some of his time was better than nothing.

::Everyone says it is time to tell him that we are not going to be friends (as he wants). I just don't know what I want. I love this man but I know that it will probably be better if we just don't talk. I still want him in my life though.

Can you be 'just friends'? Without sleeping with him, without getting jealous or upset that he's dating someone else and hearing about it? If not, don't bother being friends. He wants to be friends so he won't get labeled 'the bad guy'. And this way he can feel that you are ok with the situation the way it is. You aren't, so don't fake it. Or stay in hopes that things will change. You've already seen his true colors. You've already broken up a few times and got back together to be friends, not to be in an exclusive, committed relationship.

It's time you put you first. That may be a journey to know who YOU are, but that's ok. Enjoy the path of self-discovery.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 10:48pm

I know you really want to see him, but I dont think it is good idea to see him now.

If he really wants to be friends, he will wait for you until you are ready.

I think it is very important for you to figure out what you really want at this point.

You already made huge progress. Do you want to be back in denail and start healing process all over again?