HELP ME WITH NC. I can't breathe!
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 09-30-2004 - 2:14pm |
I'm new to this board. I've been reading the postings for the past couple of days and i have found some very supportive messages and I'm hoping you guys can help me through this. 3 weeks ago today, my boyfriend of one year with whom I really thought I would be forever told me he wanted to "date-other-people"... out of the blue. My friends were in complete disbelief. We were so happy and he just walked out. I was in shock as we had a great relationship, the best I've ever had (and I have had a few) and I'm trying to find the reasons why and I can't. I have not contacted him at all, but I'm devastated that he hasn't contacted me either. We spent every free moment together and now there is a great void in my life and I just want him to come back. The thought of him with someone else is gut wrenching. He was my world. I was so ready to love and be loved when I met him (I wasn't always ready and I had to do A LOT of work on myself before I could fall in love again). I loved him the right way. And I thought he felt the same way. He told me he did. But he was younger than me by a lot (6 yrs) and I guess he has a lot of growing up to do. I'm an idiot for having gotten into this, I was hesitant to date someone so much younger than me. But he was so wonderful to me and my life was already so well-rounded and good, that he was just amazing "gravy" to my life. And then he became more than just gravy. I can't believe he left after all the love I had for him and all the love he said he had for me. He was my world and all I want to do is email him and I know I shouldn't but, god, it's hard. I want to hear his voice, I want to know how he is.... I feel like I can't breathe. I hope you can help me with some words of wisdom. Because my life is now consumed with thinking about this break up. I know I will get over this someday, but right now it's too hard. Help me, please.

Pages
I read your message, and my heart absolutely aches for you. I have been exactly where you are - and I have never felt so hollow in my life. There was an asolute emptiness within me- and nothing seemed to fill the void. I knew I was going through that kind of utter heart shattering pain for a reason. I also knew that I would never "get over him" ...I would simply move on. Which for me is true. I have moved on- recovered a sense of balance and well being in my life...but it was the longest, hardest, and loneliest road I have ever been on.
If I had to do over- I would still let myself fall completely and whole heartedly in love. It is a feeling like no other- and I got to know parts of myself I didn't even know were there until my heart really became alive with love.
I want to offer you my most sincere apologies, and just say...every day, hour, minute you get through - is an accomplishment when dealing with such grief. You are in a cross roads of your life now. You can either choose to learn from it or you can allow it to harden your heart. I hope for your sake you turn it into a time of growth and healing. If you loved once- as much as you say you did- you now know how deep your heart is. I have very confidence that your heart will be filled with love and laughter in the future. Until then- "keep on...keepin' on".
This is my first weekend solo in four months and I made it a point to make sure I am with friends and out and about for the whole time, I suggest you surround yourself with people that will make you feel better. The pain will still be there for a while but you will gradually get over it, I promise. I also suggest writing a list of things you didn't like about him (you will find enough to make a list of I guarantee it), now is not the time to think of him as this wonderful guy, you have to get YOU over him and I found that making a list is a good way to do that. I also think that no contact is the best route, it is hard but you don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he hurt you as bad as he did and most importantly it will help you heal much faster and more thoroughly.
Pages