help me please...i'm desparate
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 02-24-2008 - 4:28pm |
i'm sure there's a bunch just like me, but i don't have time to read them all.
i was in a 6 year relationship since i was 16. i'm now 22. i'm trying to move on b/c i realize he is bad for me. at the moment we have to continue living together b/c situation just requires it. i'm going to try to be brief with this all. we were engaged early on, but never felt the need to get married. i need to get him to understand we are over, b/c he can't move on. i slept with someone else, not cheating b/c we are over.
big problem is that i let him 'control' my life. it wasn't done one purpose. i was just so content with him i didn't care. well, b/c of that i don't have any friends now. none. i want to create a new life and i want to go out, but b/c it's been so long i have social anxiety and everyone also doesn't want to bother with me b/c of my complicated situation. the guy i slept with was a friend, and i planned on it staying that way. but he hasn't elaborated yet, but told me it was awkward b/c we are so different. (he;s very social an out all the time)
how do i get past my anxiety and find friends. i know all the typical stuff of get a job or do things you are interested in to find ppl. but i can't even get myself to leave my apartment without crying over it and freaking out. i'm not explaining things well, but i hope well enough, b/c i'm freaking out! how do i get past this? what do i do? it's so hard to stay strong about moving on when you have absolutely no one to help or hang out with.
i'm lost.

When you say you have to live together because it's 'required', I'm assuming it's because of financial reasons.
I don't know if this is exactly what you meant, but:
Before my breakup, my life centered around my ex and I neglected my social life and my friends. It was scary for me to put myself back out there socially at first, but I'm finding that the more I'm away from him, the desperation to be around people has pushed me back out there. It felt strange at first, but I'm doing it and I know you can too. It's scary, but it's worth it!
Khorie, I just read your post and I've been a similar situation. I was with one of my first loves at the same age for 5 yrs. He was 3 yrs older than I at the time. He was very controlling and I didn't know- I was content, just like you for a very long time because I was still discovering who I was and what I wanted in life. Near the end of the relationship I realized that he wasn't right for me and wasn't what I wanted in a boyfriend anymore.
Getting back into the social scene is tough and it's scary at first. Find things that you like to do. Do them. You'll make friends along the way. Do the things that make you smile and feel good about yourself. Don't rush into another relationship with anyone for awhile. Give yourself time to heal and feel confident, sexy and wonderful. Someone will come to you and it will feel right, not awkward.
Have you thought about seeking counselling through a professional or school? They can help you cope with the anxiety you are feeling.
You're 22? Are you in school? There's often counselling offered by universities and colleges and it seems like the right step for you right now. Otherwise, take out a phone book and give women's aid a call, they should be able to point in the right direction.
As for leaving the apartment being stressful, is it in certain circumstances or just as soon as your foot is over the threshold it's painful? Because I'd advise you to begin with a simple walk around the block. Get dressed, map out your route, and just walk. Then expand your walk a little bit.
Hopefully between this and counselling, something will help
all the best,
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.