HELP, QUICK, PLEASE,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
HELP, QUICK, PLEASE,
9
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 10:15am

WELL HERE I AM AGAIN... I NEED SOME QUICK REASONS WHY NOT CALL HIM, I AM ABOUT TO!

BEEN TWO DAYS, HE BROKE UP WITH ME ON THE PHONE, WHILE HE WAS ON THE GOLF CORSE BECAUSE HE CAUGHT ME TAPPING INTO HIS EMAILS, (I KNOW, VERY BAD!)

HISTORY..

4 1/2 YEARS TOGETHER, ROCKY FIRST TWO YRS, 3RD ALITTLE BETTER, AND THIS PAST YEAR, PERFECT, PERFECT, PERFECT

WHAT I NEED SUPPORT WITH, IS DO YOU ALL THINK HE IS THINKING ABOUT ME? I KNOW HE IS PROBABLY DOING ALOT TO KEEP BUSY, EITHER FISHING OR GOLFING, BUT HOW CAN HE BE SO STRONG NOT TO ANSWER MY PATHETIC TEXTS OR PHONE CALLS? WE ARE LIKE ONE STEP AWAY FROM MARRIAGE, AND THIS HAPPENS, I KNOW I VIOLATED HIS PRIVACY, I APOLOGIZED, ETC... NEVER GAVE ME A FACE TO FACE TALK, A TIME TO EXPLAIN WHY... LAST THING HE SAID TO ME WAS,

I AM SO UPSET WITH YOU RIGHT NOW, YOU ARE RUINING MY GOLF GAME... I AM GOING TO HAVE TO LET YOU GO, GO GET YOUR STUFF, AND LEAVE THE KEY...

I DID JUST THAT FRIDAY AFTERNOON, AND I HAD ALOT OF STUFF THERE, DIDN'T LEAVE A NOTE, DIDN'T EVEN PUT HIS AM COFFEE CUP IN THE DISHWASHER, JUST LEFT THE KEY ON THE SHOPPING LIST THAT WE MADE TOGETHER THE NIGHT BEFORE, FOR OUR FUN, ROMANTIC WEEKEND WE PLANNED..

AND NOW, NOTHING... WHAT DO I DO???????? I AM FREAKING OUT!!!! I AM PRETTY CLOSE TO CALLING HIM... AGAIN..... I CALLED LIKE THREE TIMES YEST... THEN WOKE UP AT 2AM, ROLLED OVER TO SEE THAT I WAS NOT IN MY MANS BED, AND HE WASN'T THERE... I CALLED, NOW I KNOW HE IS PROBABLY PISSED, BUT I LEFT A MESSAGE, AND SAID, I JUST WOKE UP, YOU WEREN'T THERE, I AM SAD THINKING OF THE WEEKEND WE PLANNED, AND I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU...

OK, KNOWING THIS MAN DEFINATELY LOVES ME, DO YOU THINK HE JUST NEEDS TIME TO COOL OFF, DO YOU THINK HE WILL COME AROUND, MY FRIENDS SAY, LET HIM BE, LET HIM GET OVER IT HIS OWN WAY, AND HE WILL COME AROUND IN A FEW DAYS... BOOHOOOBOOOBOOO, I CANT TAKE IT!!

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR LISTENING TO MY (PROBABLY CONFUSING) DRAMA... PLEASE HELP!

LOUISE :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 10:26am
SORRY, ONE MORE THING... We go to the gym together, EVERY single Sunday, for, like over a year, around this time of the am... should i still go? I think maybe if I dont go he will wonder? I just want to do whatever the right thing is to do right now in order for us to patch things up... (I am sure my crying, pathetic phone messages at the house and cell are probably bad) but I am pacing the floors wondering WHAT TO DO!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 10:50am

Hi -
I really think you should cool off for a few days. The last thing you want to let a guy know you are too clingy, too available. If he really loves you and cares, he will come back in a few days. Your constant email, phone, leaving messages is going to just drive him away! I know this is hard but concentrate on something else. Catch up old friends, call other friends..Just dont call him for a few days. See what happens.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 10:59am
Thank you, i agree, i look needy, but we have such a great thing, so how can he totally ignore me for two days? Do you think he just needs space to think? Its just so hard not to contact him given our "was perfect relationship" because i am so confused as to how he can do it... is it a guy thing? I dont know how I can wait a few days, its killing me. I will definately NOT email, text or call from this day foward, but its so hard sitting here waiting for the phone to ring, i know, get out and do something, but i am soooo scared and upset, i cant even get myself to leave the house, i guess its too new, the pain i mean...and being all alone with no support team... my GF's are all like, oh jeez, here we go again, you know you two will be back together, just chill out...UGH!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2007
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 4:54pm

let me ask you this. you said your relationship the past year was perfect. well if it was then why were you going through his e-mails? there was obviously some lack of trust or something otherwise why would you try to "find out" more about him by going through his private e-mails?

i'd take this next week and cool off if i were you. try to get your mind off things. and try to take an honest look at your relationship and see if there were things there that bothered you more and if "perfect" was but an illusion. try to clear your head. it'll help you both. and at least if you give it some time then you can be logical and rational with him when you do speak to him again which i promise you he's going to deal so much better with rather than frantic calls or texts.

give it a few days. it may still be ok. but do take some time to think about you and your relationship without him being there.

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 6:49pm

Hi Louse,
OMG! I hadn't read your story until just now. I'm very sorry. One question. Why were you in his email anyway? What gave you the insecurity to want to check it? What did you find that he actually knows you were snooping around?

If he got caught doing something he shouldn't have been then he's probably pissed that he got caught. Yes, you invaded his privacy and that's bad. Oh boohoo! He needs to get over it. I'm dying to know what you found because that would bring a lot of clarity to this whole situation. I have a strong belief that "Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing." My boyfriend used to hold my cell phone all the time and use it to call people. He'd go into the phone book, read a text if it came through. I had nothing to hide. I didn't care. If it rang, he could answer it. He would answer all the time. I had nothing to hide so it didn't matter to me.

Let me know some more of this story (if you want to). Cuz something tells me he is mad that he got caught doing something or else you would have no reason to admit to reading his emails anyway. If that's the case he's more mad about getting caught slippin.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 12:08am

Ok, you know who this is, Ms. West Coast, and I know your history. I'm not going to say too much, but hang in there. Stop the the contact, right now Weezie, your going to really scare him away. It's easier said then done, but it makes you look desperate, even though you are, and we all know that feeling. But because I do know the history, you can not, and I mean it, contact him. Let him make the first step to fix this. You have apologized, and he knows your really sorry, and the messages prove how sorry you are. But, you have to wait and see if he wants to fix it. I know it's hard for you, and you have been thru alot with him, but you never give him the opportunity to contact you first. Your in my prayers, because I know it's hard, I've been thru this with ya before. Maybe you need to take a trip somewhere, like to California, what do you say? Leave your cell phone, and come out here, and get a change of scenery....I'll be waiting for ya...Your in my prayers

Ms. T-West

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 4:36pm

Hi everyone, just want to give you all an update of where I am at. Well, I committed the cardinal sin (#1 snooping his emails) but I caved Sunday morning, sent him a text, how can you ignore me, etc.... laying in bed, feeling sorry for myself, not even getting up to get my support from you wonderful ladies in iVillage.... I CALLED. I know I probably shouldn't even tell you all this, as 99% of the time, its degrading and bad to contact the jerk who is making you hurt, so I dont recommend my behavior to anyone. Well he answered, AMAZINGLY... and I was like, hi.... he was like hi Louise (he NEVER calls me that, always Weezie) and i was like, how can you let this go, blah, blah, especially via cell phone, when we are adults here, do it like a man, in person. He said, lets do lunch and talk about it... We got together, around noon, he let me explain, etc... and promised to never do it again, which i wont, i had my insecure reasons for doing it... and now everything is all better, back to normal, we spent the whole day and night together doing what we always do, had a great dinner, and he was back to normal, as was I.

Bottom line I think it would have been better if I didn't contact him that soon, he was hurting too, and needed the space, but broken hearts dont like space as we all know... He admitted he missed me badly all weekend, did nothing, and didn't study one sentence of three books he is studing in to earn his doctorate, he said it was my fault, he couldn't concentrate on ANYTHING! Soooo, that is where we are at, PHEW!!!

As far as WHY I tapped into the email a few of you asked? Well, I did it back in December, the reason being, now this is a bit complicated but...

I gave him the 'ULTIMATUM' for marriage in June, he felt pressured, i shouldn't have done it, but i did, and we broke up, i said marry me or i am out, so i left. Well, he wasted no time in dating someone else, as niether did I, but it was a girl who works out at our gym...three weeks go by, him and i work things out, get back together, all is fine. But in the meantime, i see this girl at the gym daily, and we just ignore one another, and she and him ignore eachother too. Few months pass, and on some days, its just her and I working out, i hated the tension, so i went up to her, made peace, no hard feelings, on either part...she turned out to be a very sweet nice girl, and she told me everything they did, went, etc in thier three week relationship... she said they started out as "email" friends and progressed from there...well, then i decided to check his email situation out, against my better judgement, but had to know if he was emailing with her before our breakup, or what kind of communication they had, without me having to have her tell me. No big deal, a regular email buddy, nothing shady, BUT, big BUT, he had old pictures of past girlfriends posing in the WORST way, some really raunchy stuff, including nude photos of himself with some of these girls. (they were old) So, being furious and psycho, i went and erased EVERYTHING he had in there. (why the need to look at an ex-girlfriends spread open legs?) I know i shouldnt have, but i did it. Now, apparently he figured that out real fast cuz all his personal "girlie" stuff was gone, it actually was a folder... and he never said ANYTHING. That was December. Sooooo, Friday afternoon, his ex, ex, ex, who lives 3,000 miles from here, calls out of the blue, leaves him a message, i will be back in NJ, maybe we could do lunch, if its ok with Louise. He said no, he wouldn't be able to, blah, blah, but of corse i got very angry, almost like, i accused him of leading her on(that is stupid i know, she lives far away now, with a two year old with no daddy in the picture, etc) so after my small jealousy stint, he asked me point blank, seeing your psycho ways coming out, i have to know something, did you ever go in my personal folders on my comp. and of corse i came clean, DUH, KNOWING i was caught, and that is when he flipped out, said, I cant believe you, have to let you go, etc.... soooooo

I hope all stays good, i do trust him 100% and he does me too. That is the ONLY problem we have in our relationship, but, who knows. Thank you all for your support, I will be on supporting any of you that need it, and all I can say is, DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO! LOL.... drunk dial, emails, phone messages, ugh, bad, bad, bad!
Love to you miss West Coast!

Take care all,
Louise

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 6:52pm
I'm so happy for you, Louise!!! I'm in here reading different posts because I'm missing my honey. :( I won't call him but I'm just kind of down. Your story reminds me that everything will work itself out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 11:09am

Thank you Millie!!! Just to let you all know, I definately did the wrong thing by contacting him too soon... although things were like back to normal Sunday, and Monday, BUT... some little things have changed, I guess I am still getting punished a bit... He calls me on his way to work, 3-5 times a week, or at least before his lunch break. He DIDNT yesterday, nor today. We go to the same gym daily, I work out with my GF, and he works out with his coworkers on his lunchbreak. Seen him yesterday, he seemed down, but somewhat social, I brought him a "care package" water bottle, apple, protien bar, and soy chips, so he had something to nibble on at work. Normally I make him a big sandwich in the am, but I havent slept there since getting back, so no lunch for him, no iced coffee for the morning, etc... well, that is not me, i always nurture him, duh,

anyway, i get home from the gym and i have an email, thanks for the snacks. I just wrote back, your welcome. So, I work at 4pm, i usually call him, or text him on my way, and we get together after work around 9ish... i didn't call, i went to work, had a miserable night, kept checking my phone to see if he called, he didn't...then around 10pm he calls, i didn't answer, i ran in a store for a few minutes, then i get a text, WHERE ARE U?
so i call back, tell him duh, you forget? I was at work (i have been taking tues nites off the last few weeks so we can watch Idol and House together) So he is like, are you coming over, i was like no, i have to pick my sister up at the airport at midnight, so i really only have like 45 minutes to spare, so i am going to go home, get a snack, and change into something comfy for my hour trip. So he was like, pfft, fine, I am going to bed then, i said ok, talk to you tomorrow, bye.

Well here we are, its Wednesday, we have had a standing date, nothing else comes between us, we call it Weezie Wednesday, for like the last 2 1/2 years. So now what? He is playing games with me I guess... lets see who calls first, etc... And I think I am going to skip the gym today too... make him wonder why I am not there... Or should I go and act naturally, which would be fake, I will be nice and cute to him and his friends, but I definately dont feel like acting that way toward him. What do all you ladies think? UGH, the drama continues!

Louise :)