HELP! SHOULD I MOVE ON OR WAIT?
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HELP! SHOULD I MOVE ON OR WAIT?
| Thu, 01-06-2005 - 3:11pm |
I posted this same thing on another board because I want to hear people's feedback....Ok here is my situation, I was with my boyfriend for 3 years and I asked him to change. He started to change for the worse so I was hoping he would change for the better. But then our same problems kept resurfacing and right now we are "taking a break" which means we are broken up, and after lots of talking he finally realized what he wanted to change for himself...it will help our relationship because he has never before recognized that he needed to change. I too am working on the things that are not working for us and for myself. Neither of us are doing it for the other person but we are changing for ourselves and it will only affect each other in a more positive way. But my question is...I have less to work on then him....see my other posts for more input on that one...and I have done my growing and I am ready to try again in our relationship...however, does a person need to be alone to change>? Its very hard because we have been together for so long and to just loose that over what we both need to work on doesn't seem right...he wants to change and I am willing to be more understanding about not forcing it but will he ever change>? Plus he thinks that he might not be able to change if our same problems keep coming up. He also said as of right now, do to all the issues that are not in order in his life he needs this time with no commitments to find himself and although I may have changed he cant be in a relationship right now. What do I do next...I am trying to carry on in my normal life but its so hard to loose someone who was basically your whole life. We are talking again as friends he keeps stressing to me but do I wait and just hope it works out or is he just being around to pass the time and is never going to change? I also don't know if it would be better if we had less contact that way he would realize that he misses me. He is the one to initiate the calls as I am not trying to pressure or push him away by forcing us to be back together when he is not ready. How can I show him that I have worked on my issues? Let me know guys thanks!

manda0016...
You have invested 3 years of your life in a man who basically ISN'T ONE! He's a boy and will remain so.
Now if you want to "raise this boy" as your own...expect more of the same treatment. But if you want to eventually link up with a man who will treat you with respect, enjoy doing things together with you, and eventually plan for a realistic future together.....tell this BOY that the 3-year relationship is officially over....and MOVE ON!
Pianoguy
hey, don't know if you're still checking this thread.
What you've said sounds really similar to what I'm going through right now.
I'm just at the end of a 3 year relationship where 'change' was in the cards for my girlfriend (ex?) but it's exploded a bit. She's the one saying she needs the alone time, but I'm forcing the issue a bit.
I don't think this is what you want to hear, but it's time for splitsville.
It's the hardest thing I've ever faced in my life. There's so much that we're giving up over such trivialities. I've never met someone I've gotten along with so well, and never been this much in love, even now.
But I know that if we're this much of a question to her, then she's not 'in love' with me and that's fair to neither of us.
I'm quite a feeb in this, and it has dragged out. Who knows, I may be split and together with her nother 4 times in the next month. Love's overrides sense that way.
I know the reality is that moving on is what 'I' need to do. No matter how I feel about it. But that won't mean that a big part of me won't be waiting for a while yet. But the mind needs to face reality.
I do feel like dying though, so don't think that it will be easy.
but I'm young and foolish so what do I know.
=$
I can't say that I'm going the best route though.
So I hope things work for you whatever you choose.
good luck
I just needed to reach out to someone today.