Help! We spoke today...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2008
Help! We spoke today...
5
Sat, 03-01-2008 - 5:05pm
Oh gosh. I didn't do too well today. It is my birthday and I think part of the reason I was so worked up was because I was wondering if he would get in contact with me. Well, he did. He texted me. I called a friend because I didn't know what to do and then impulsively called him.

It was BAD. I mean, really bad. I was crying; I was trying to get him to say he missed me and that he was going through a rough time of it. We basically were just fighting and he kept apologizing, saying that he only wanted to wish me happy birthday. I told him that I didn't think that was totally true because he knows how much I am hurting and that any message from him was going to hurt me more.

I left a message about half an hour later that was more calm. I apologized for my behavior and I told him that I did not want any more communication with him. If I need to call him, I will. I told him that I felt bad that I had been crying and that I tried to get him to talk about "us" again. And then I said bye.

I fear that I am going to be that crazy ex-girlfriend. I was doing so well- 9 days NC. Now gone. Eh..this hurts. Has anybody else gone through this? How do you live knowing you made a fool out of yourself when you wanted to be strong? I feel so so dumb right now. Any thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Sat, 03-01-2008 - 5:27pm
Well if it makes you feel any better I'll tell you a little about how the day of my breakup went. New year's eve my ex and I drank and watched the usual new year's eve stuff on tv. I had a little too much to drink and basically let it all out on him. I told him that he's an immature mama's boy who needs to appreciate me more. All of this was true, I just never said anything to him. So the next morning I woke up and didnt remember what happened. Yes, apparently I drank that much. So he was pissed at me and left for about 6 hrs. He came back and decided that it was time for us to break up and him leave. We lived together for 3 years. The whole time he was getting all his stuff together I was crying and begging him not to leave. I stole his keys from his pocket and he said that he was going to call the cops if I didn't give them back. After he got all his stuff together and he hugged me, I didnt want to let go of him. Then I blocked the front door begging him to just stay and talk about it with me. Again, he threatened to call the police if I didnt let him out. I couldnt believe that someone I spent so long with and who shared so much love with was now threatening to call the police. I look back at that think how horrible it is that that was the last memory he had of me... acting like a child, weeping and begging. I just hope that that isnt the way he'll think of me the rest of his life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Sun, 03-02-2008 - 7:55pm

hi there. i wanted to write a post and tell you , this incident in a year won't even be a big deal. think about other embarrassing moments you've had... you have to think pretty hard dont ya?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Sun, 03-02-2008 - 9:13pm

yes. i've felt the way that you have. The night my ex broke up with me i wouldn't let him leave. I was blocking the door and begging him to stay so we could at least talk for a little while. He was like "I gotta go to church! Let me go!!" and i was saying "no you just broke up with me you,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Mon, 03-03-2008 - 1:14am
I hear ya on that one. When my ex was getting all his stuff from our house and breaking up with me I felt like I was possessed or something. I didn't act like myself at all. I just felt so desperate at the time. I hate to think back of myself acting like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2008
Mon, 03-03-2008 - 8:31am

Marcie, Surfergirl and Greekgirl-

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me. I'm still not feeling 100% about all of this. I had a good time with my friends on Saturday night and then I had to come home on Sunday. I live with my parents right now because I am in school. Well, they were gone all day Sunday. It was the first time that I was literally all alone and it was horrible. I probably broke down and cried each and every hour! I called six people who didn't answer and then they all called me within half an hour later that night. So at least I talked to people.

I had two horrible dreams last night about my ex. The first was that 5 members of his family were invited to talk to Oprah. All I remember is that his brother was talking about money and then his brother's girlfriend was talking about what a horrible person I am. Then I had a dream my ex and I had bought a huge house together (we hadn't). A girl from one of my classes was his "roommate". Apparently I approached her and told her I knew they weren't just roommates and she agreed they weren't and told me they had been sleeping together for a long long time. Augh!! Why does my mind do this to me?

I woke up around 4 and had to journal for 10 minutes. I know my ex did not cheat on me during our relationship so I think these dreams were about how I feel guilty about the conversation we had over the weekend. I have basically decided to continue NC until the end of April when I have to talk to him about our dog. He's been out of town for the past 4 months so I have been looking after our dog. He asked for the dog back and though its going to be really hard giving the puppy up, I think it is the right thing to do. I also feel that not talking to him about the conversation is the best course of action right now. Like, not adding fuel to the fire. What do you guys think?

I am going to see my counselor today so hopefully she'll give me some advice too! I am so sick of not sleeping and this has been the 4th night since we broke up that I have had these nightmares.

Hope to hear from you soon,
swallens