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Help! We spoke today...
| Sat, 03-01-2008 - 5:05pm |
Oh gosh. I didn't do too well today. It is my birthday and I think part of the reason I was so worked up was because I was wondering if he would get in contact with me. Well, he did. He texted me. I called a friend because I didn't know what to do and then impulsively called him.
It was BAD. I mean, really bad. I was crying; I was trying to get him to say he missed me and that he was going through a rough time of it. We basically were just fighting and he kept apologizing, saying that he only wanted to wish me happy birthday. I told him that I didn't think that was totally true because he knows how much I am hurting and that any message from him was going to hurt me more.
I left a message about half an hour later that was more calm. I apologized for my behavior and I told him that I did not want any more communication with him. If I need to call him, I will. I told him that I felt bad that I had been crying and that I tried to get him to talk about "us" again. And then I said bye.
I fear that I am going to be that crazy ex-girlfriend. I was doing so well- 9 days NC. Now gone. Eh..this hurts. Has anybody else gone through this? How do you live knowing you made a fool out of yourself when you wanted to be strong? I feel so so dumb right now. Any thoughts?
It was BAD. I mean, really bad. I was crying; I was trying to get him to say he missed me and that he was going through a rough time of it. We basically were just fighting and he kept apologizing, saying that he only wanted to wish me happy birthday. I told him that I didn't think that was totally true because he knows how much I am hurting and that any message from him was going to hurt me more.
I left a message about half an hour later that was more calm. I apologized for my behavior and I told him that I did not want any more communication with him. If I need to call him, I will. I told him that I felt bad that I had been crying and that I tried to get him to talk about "us" again. And then I said bye.
I fear that I am going to be that crazy ex-girlfriend. I was doing so well- 9 days NC. Now gone. Eh..this hurts. Has anybody else gone through this? How do you live knowing you made a fool out of yourself when you wanted to be strong? I feel so so dumb right now. Any thoughts?

hi there. i wanted to write a post and tell you , this incident in a year won't even be a big deal. think about other embarrassing moments you've had... you have to think pretty hard dont ya?
yes. i've felt the way that you have. The night my ex broke up with me i wouldn't let him leave. I was blocking the door and begging him to stay so we could at least talk for a little while. He was like "I gotta go to church! Let me go!!" and i was saying "no you just broke up with me you,
Marcie, Surfergirl and Greekgirl-
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me. I'm still not feeling 100% about all of this. I had a good time with my friends on Saturday night and then I had to come home on Sunday. I live with my parents right now because I am in school. Well, they were gone all day Sunday. It was the first time that I was literally all alone and it was horrible. I probably broke down and cried each and every hour! I called six people who didn't answer and then they all called me within half an hour later that night. So at least I talked to people.
I had two horrible dreams last night about my ex. The first was that 5 members of his family were invited to talk to Oprah. All I remember is that his brother was talking about money and then his brother's girlfriend was talking about what a horrible person I am. Then I had a dream my ex and I had bought a huge house together (we hadn't). A girl from one of my classes was his "roommate". Apparently I approached her and told her I knew they weren't just roommates and she agreed they weren't and told me they had been sleeping together for a long long time. Augh!! Why does my mind do this to me?
I woke up around 4 and had to journal for 10 minutes. I know my ex did not cheat on me during our relationship so I think these dreams were about how I feel guilty about the conversation we had over the weekend. I have basically decided to continue NC until the end of April when I have to talk to him about our dog. He's been out of town for the past 4 months so I have been looking after our dog. He asked for the dog back and though its going to be really hard giving the puppy up, I think it is the right thing to do. I also feel that not talking to him about the conversation is the best course of action right now. Like, not adding fuel to the fire. What do you guys think?
I am going to see my counselor today so hopefully she'll give me some advice too! I am so sick of not sleeping and this has been the 4th night since we broke up that I have had these nightmares.
Hope to hear from you soon,
swallens