help would be GREATLY appriciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
help would be GREATLY appriciated!
2
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 9:27pm

hi! it's been awhile. abobut 6 and a half months ago my first and only love broke up with me. we'd been dating for a year (i'm in college, and it was my first erlationship so that is long for me). the split was SO messy and we couldn't even talk (much less look at eachother) for about 5 months. we finally started talking, and now we talk a lot. recently though i have been getting texts from him late at night inviting me over (i obviously dissmiss them as drunken mistakes and just btext him back that im already in bed) i really enjoy being friends with him, but it's getting tough to remain just friends when he is my first love and he is making it rather apparent that he wants to "hook up" again. today i gave him a ride home from class...and we just ended up talking for hours. when we were sitting in the car he was touching me a lot, and he even kissed me on the cheek. i kept telling him to stop, but i guess it was in a joking way because it was hard for me to sound serious when i didn't actually want him to stop. it took me FOREVER to get over him, and i still even sometimes miss him. but he broke up with me months ago...why NOW is he showing so much interest in me...? he hooks up with people a lot now'a days, but they are never serious. he texted me after i left his house,and i texted him back, but he never responded. part of me thinks that he just wants a random hookup, in which case i should SERIOUSLY consider never talking to him again. but part of me wants what we used to have (even though i know its really unlikely) so it's getting really hard to tell him no.

is it weird that he was touching me a lot and doing really inappropriate things? do you think he just didn't know better? or maybe he was trying to test whether i would LET him touch me...i did. it makes me feel sort of easy in way that...even after what he did to me (even though it was months ago) that i would jsut let him be all over me and not stop him. it was just impossible...he was the first person i ever felt anything for...and it just is not fair of him to lead me on like this!! waah, words of advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 11:15pm

Welcome back to the board,


You are going to have to know your boundaries and enforce them. It's easy to slip back into a sexual relationship espeically when he's giving you the signals that he's interested, likes talking to you, touching you and flirting with you - but he's not saying 'Let's get back together.'

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 8:45am

IMO you are too available to him, it does sound like he wants a hook up and not to get back together. And if he's hooking up with other girls, you don't want to get yourself tangled up in an emotional mess.

My advice would be to stop seeing him, driving him places, etc.. and move on. Even if you feel you can't move on, let him think you have. In time if he really wants you back, he will pursue you- and stop hooking up. If he's hooking up with girls, he is just enjoying life right now and not interested in a committed relationship. You deserve better than that.

Remember to put yourself first and don't let him know you wish to have back what you lost...that is all normal feelings from a breakup. You will get over him and you will look back and be glad at how far you have come. If he is serious about you, he will get his act together and show you his intentions

good luck :)