help...how should i act

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
help...how should i act
6
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 3:22pm

after 5yrs my boyfriend and i decided it was best to split up...when i said we agreed, it was his decision as he has commitment issues but it didn't end in an arguement or how i imagined a break up to be.

i'm still in love with him and it has broken my heart so i am trying to not keep in contact but he rings, texts, and emails saying sorry. he doesn't want me to hate him and i am fully aware that he wants my forgivness and friendship so he feels less guilty.

...to cut a potentially very long story shorter my problem is that he is flying 2 hours to come and visit me and i don't know how to act.(i moved after we split up) i didn't ask him, he just told me that he had bought a ticket. any suggestions how i should deal with a weekend with him? i have no idea. thank you.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 4:09pm

Wow, I can't believe he invited himself to come visit you, and you are letting him! I hope you're not letting him STAY with you at least!

I would see him as little as possible if I were you...he's being totally selfish to expect you to be friends with him so soon after the breakup of a 5 year relationship.

You need to stand up for yourself and set better boundaries if you want to get over him. I'm sorry this is happening to you!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 6:25pm
Well, this will be the test..how to resist him and not end up in bed..wow...this is tough. Well, you can ONLY meet him in a public place and NOT invite him over..do not worry how to act..it's over so avoid anything physical or you will send the wrong message..create boundaries..and GOOD luck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2006
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 1:55am
Careful, it will only lead to alot of what ifs, and matbe both of you convincing yourselves that you should be together. If that is what you want, go for it, but I am sure you have already cried too much. Good lucl!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 9:44pm

I agree with the other posters; try to see him as little as possible and only in public. He really has some nerve to think you will be friends with him so soon after a breakup! Please don't let him push you into anything you aren't comfortable with.

Let us know how things turn out and remember we're always here for support!

-Nikki
co-cl of Breaking Up is Hard to Do!

Nikki
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 11:02am

its the advice i would have given ME and i agree but i needed to be told!!

thank you everyone. i'm dreading it, i would love it to be wonderful and for us get back together and live happily ever after but i know that is not going to happen so i wish he wasn't coming.

my mind changes everyday. one day i think it'll be alright cos i'm feeling strong and the next day i know i'll not be able to handle it. i'll just have to wake up in a "strong" mood!!
thanks again. it really helps coming on here to read that i'm not the only one!!

m x

Avatar for lisa19722001
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 5:37am

I hope one of things you said to him was "What Hotel are you staying at". I wouldnt let him stay in the same house as you. He has a lot of "balls" calling you up and just inviting himself. You should have told him you were busy or something...this is going to get bad and I have a feeling you will do something you are going to regret.

I think you need to tell him to cancel his trip. You have moved on with your life and it is time he did the same. You may still love him but there was a reason why you broke up.

I think you are asking for trouble.

~L