HERE I go again

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
HERE I go again
5
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 3:05am

My ex dumped me out of the blue about 3 months ago. We had only dated 3 months but after we broke up I found out he had been cheating on me with an ex girlfriend...

He called and emailed me on and off for about 2 months....and each time I would regress and get all sad again.

So each time I would go back to no contact and that really helped....

Well last weekend I was with my girlfriend who is dating his best friend...she wanted to go meet her guy at a club and wanted me to go along. I was afraid ex would be there but I did look fabulous and felt that I needed to face my fear and just see him....I had not seen him since Sept 25....
He was very very drunk and we did talk for a while .... it was akward for me but I think he was too drunk to feel anything...but he did follow me around a bit.

I left after about an hour and felt really good....thinking what have i been so upset about .... he is just a guy.....and not a great guy at that....I was so proud of myself..

Then two nights later I had this horrible dream about him ....you know one of those dreams that stays with you all day..........and that day at work i was all upset almost like he had just dumped me again.........

i hate this whole process and i feel so dumb that i am still thinking about this guy i only dated for 3 months.....3 months later

i am trying to date but every bad date makes me miss him more............

oh well...just wanted to vent a bit and see if anyone has any advice....
thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 7:56am
Hi LL, YOU'RE NOT DUMB 'cause it's normal to keep thinkin about a guy you were 'in love' with - TILL YOU REPLACE HIM. It sounds like you had strong feelings for your X and you should respect that, and realize that you may like the next guy more than this one (I went thru this) A lot of it is our own feelings and coping methods - and learning what NOT to do in the next relationship. take care, Val
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 11:23am

Yep...you're feeling the after-effects of having contact with him. It's common, and should pass within a few days.

I would focus on the reasons the two of you are not right for each other, such as him being a liar and a cheater! Did you make a set of index cards? It's really a good exercise, and very helpful to pull them out at a time like this.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 5:54pm
thanks sheri...and you are right ... i am feeling better.
i was just so disappointed in myself that i backslid like that. i cant make any index cards because there are no bad memories except the end....we had a great time...got along great and seemed perfect for each other...there was nothing about him that bothered me....so i just thought we were going to move to the next level and get to know each other better....he seemed so kind and loving and the one thing is that i always felt safe with him....guess i was really wrong about that one!
he was the pursuer in the relationship and i followed his lead......we had a great night together and the next day he says he does not want a relationship....no reason given....it was a few weeks later i found out about the other girl...thru mutual friends....it all just sucks but thats life and i know i am better off without a liar and cheater...
just upset with myself cause i was fooled..rejected and made to feel stupid....
and why doesnt it bother the guys when they run into us...........they seem to move on so much easier.....
i need to quit beating a dead horse...but i still cant believe he dumped me for a girl who lives 2000 miles away.............
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 6:10pm

Well, that's two index cards, at a minimum: "he's a liar" and "he's a cheater".

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 6:18pm

I know what you mean loveslife2003. I dated a guy for about three months in the fall and knew right away he was the one for me. I still think he is the one for me but I have to let go because he moved an hour away and was scared of a long distance relationship so he just stoppped calling, e-mailing me etc.

I thought to myself how could I "know" and be so sure about someone in such a short amount of time. Well I realized that this is me! I have always been a person that knows what she wants and even though I fell in love with this person (I have a dated quite a few guys and this is the first time I fell head over heels in love)it stung when he started ignoring me. To the point where I e-mailed him and told him I moved on and asked him not to contact me. This was my way of hurting him for hurting me ( I am not sure of it was the right thing to do because he is a wonderful guy just a little immature).

But you are doing the right thing by moving on. It is hard dating other people. I have a date tonight and I know that I will be thinking about my ex. But it will get easier and you will feel stronger that you made it through this tough time. And one day you will stop thinking about your ex and meet a great guy that would never even consider or think about cheating on you.

Stay strong and whatever you do don't contact him. It has been two weeks for me since I e-mailed him and a month without talking to him and even though I think about him all the time it gets a little better everyday!