Here's my list, wanna share yours?

Avatar for daisychain2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2003
Here's my list, wanna share yours?
46
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 11:41am

Okay, so I feel the need to write out all the reasons that I don't want to get back with my ex. I've maintained NC for about 4 days now. I almost slipped up yesterday because I had a really great interview and it was automatic to start dialing his number. But I stopped myself. Anyhoo, here's my list. Feel free to share yours too :)

1. He wanted to move to the east coast, I wanted to live in Seattle where my family and friends are
2. he and my family NEVER got along, and he refused to go to holidays/family functions
3. he blamed his problems with school (ie dropping classes, faling courses) on me and my daughter
4. in the last 12 months he's worked MAYBE 2 months. Though he's had about 15 jobs in the last 2 years. They typically last from 2 days to a month.
5. thought it was COMPLETELY fair for me to be the one working, even though I am also in school full time
6. tried to convence ME to drop down to part time school, so he could finish sooner, when he didn't even know what he wanted to major in, and I'm in a nursing program and already know my day of graduation
7. Even though I made all the money, he wanted TOTAL control of the finances, and got upset when I didn't want to just hand over my paychecks/tax returs/school financial aid checks
8. when we got engaged, he bought me a $5k ring on credit, and I paid over half of it off. Somehow he still thinks that when he sells it he should get to keep all of the money he makes form it
9. He would explain things ad nauseum, seriously, I would understand what he was talking about within the first five minurtes, but he would go on to explain himself for another 30.
10. He was NEVER a soft place for me to fall. It was always about his problems, his issues, his needs, and he always needed ME to be strong.

I'm so irritated that he owes me money! I hope he's able to pay it back soon so that I can fully take him out of my life. He's SO toxic.

This made me feel so much better! Sometimes I forget why I left in the first place.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 1:11pm

why I should not get back with my ex here goes.

1. He has another women been with her the whole time he was with me
2. He thinks this is fine because he claims to love me not her
3. He always lies about simple stuff
4. He will have major events in his life and not tell me about it

lydia Barefood
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 8:26pm

Here's my list:

1. Because 'I don't know', 'I can't remember' and 'I don't want to talk about this' are not acceptable replies to any question I ask

2. Because the only time a man should make me cry is with tears of joy, not tears of hurt, confusion and exhaustion

3. Because my needs are just as important as anyone elses, and should never be made out to be unmportant or secondary considerations to those of others

4. Because if what I get is no where near as good as what I give, I am only cheating myself

5. And, most importantly, the reason why I could never go back to my ex is because we broke up for reasons which I would not hesitate to break up over again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 11:39am
I think your list was a great idea!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 6:47pm

Yes - I will share my list so I dont' forget or have any doubts that it was for the best of us mostly the best for me...

Oh, man, my list is going to be HUGE!... That's my homework for night!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:54am

that guy should come with a warning sign

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 12:32pm

Here my list: I am going to pretend that I got the chance to tell him this. But here are the reasons why I should no longer want to be with my ex...

1. For being so distant and aloof
2. His unwillingness to open up and let me in
3. His lack of affections
4. For never amking me feel comfortable enough to show you affections
5. His emotional unavailability
6. For never calling when he said he would
7. For wanting me when I was slowly getting over him
8. For pushing me away when I fell for him
9. For sending me mixed signals
10. For keeping me at arms length
11. For always being busy and not wanting to spend time with me
12. For the way he broke my heart into a million pieces
13. For the ocean of tears I cried for him
14. For making me doubt myself
15. For making me feel used
16. For walking out of my life without a word again
17. For leaving me in limbo....

Thanks, this was helpful.

J

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 2:27pm

I made out a list of things I can do now that I'm single, but after reading your list - on why you shouldn't be w/ him....I had to write one to remind myself that I do deserve better...

I shouldn't get back together w/ my ex b/c...

1. For telling me that I'm not as pretty as his friends' girlfriends.
2. Not understanding my desire to maintain a career.
3. Not appreciating that I helped raise his son
4. He didn't value what I contributed to the relationship until after 3 years passed.
5. Always assuming I'd pay - for dinner, movies, clothes, etc...
6. He belittled me for being a Democrat and always brought up politics to start a fight.
7. He made fun of me when we went dancing
8. He made me doubt my own self-worth
9. For wanting me only after he dumped me
10. And then changing his mind after I confessed I wanted him back too.
11. For not believing in ME and my VALUE.
12. For quitting when things got tough
13. For expecting me to jump through his hoops, but refusing to support me when I needed some affirmation.
14. B/c he made me question why I wasn't a good enough girlfriend
15. He told me that in 2 weeks he no longer loved me (after 3.5 years together)
16. Being smart, generous, genuine, loyal, kind, forgiving and pretty (dammit I am!) wasn't enough.
17. His career and needs had to come first.

Wow - Thanks everyone. I really needed to do that.
7.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2005
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 2:10am
1. For making me feel second best to his obsession/career
2. For sucking up all of my time and energy in the beginning...now I feel like I NEED him & I hate that.
3. For always belittling women and other races.
4. For telling me I "can't" be a cop .
5. For not helping me cook.
6. Not helping me clean the mess that was 1/2 his.
7. Not rubbing me although I rubbed him.
8. Showing off his knowledge in a narcissistic way that makes me feel inferior.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 10:32am
Man, good thing that relationship ended. He sounds like a real jerk. I feel sorry for his next one. The only kind of woman who would stay with a man like that is a very insecure woman who feels she deserves no better. Believing you don't need him will go a long way in feeling you don't need him. Life is too short to settle for that crap. Be a queen and be single until you find a man who knows how to treat a woman right- he's bad news.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 10:16pm

Ok here goes, heres my list:

1. For continuing to mess around with drugs even though I asked him to stop, because I loved him and cared about what happened to him.
2. ALWAYS putting everyone and everything else ahead of me.
3. For bad mouthing me to his friends when we wernt together, lieing or embelishing the truth in these bad mouthing sessions might I add.
4. Constantly riding me about money while I worked 2 jobs trying to help with his new car payment that he couldng live without.
5. Never getting a massage in return for the 1.2 billion I gave him, almost everynight after he got off of work.
6. For not caring about how I felt about anything, or if he did care for not trying to do anything about the things I was unhappy with.
7. Not making me feel like I was a priority.
8. Making me feel like I was trying to stop him from being "him"
9. Bad mouthing me to his family.
10. Being a completly diffrent person around all of his friends, treating me like crap in the process.
11. Making me feel like what I said didnt mean anything.
12. Having to fit in wtih every single person he met.
13. Being 2 faced and phony.
14. Treating a person that loved him completly and would have been there though whatever happened good or bad, like dirt.

This really made me feel a lot better, ive been kind of having a rough couple of days dealing with breaking up last month with my ex. We were together 4 and a half years. Im glad I got to vent all of this it takes a huge weight off. Thanks :-)

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