Here's my list, wanna share yours?
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| Fri, 06-17-2005 - 11:41am |
Okay, so I feel the need to write out all the reasons that I don't want to get back with my ex. I've maintained NC for about 4 days now. I almost slipped up yesterday because I had a really great interview and it was automatic to start dialing his number. But I stopped myself. Anyhoo, here's my list. Feel free to share yours too :)
1. He wanted to move to the east coast, I wanted to live in Seattle where my family and friends are
2. he and my family NEVER got along, and he refused to go to holidays/family functions
3. he blamed his problems with school (ie dropping classes, faling courses) on me and my daughter
4. in the last 12 months he's worked MAYBE 2 months. Though he's had about 15 jobs in the last 2 years. They typically last from 2 days to a month.
5. thought it was COMPLETELY fair for me to be the one working, even though I am also in school full time
6. tried to convence ME to drop down to part time school, so he could finish sooner, when he didn't even know what he wanted to major in, and I'm in a nursing program and already know my day of graduation
7. Even though I made all the money, he wanted TOTAL control of the finances, and got upset when I didn't want to just hand over my paychecks/tax returs/school financial aid checks
8. when we got engaged, he bought me a $5k ring on credit, and I paid over half of it off. Somehow he still thinks that when he sells it he should get to keep all of the money he makes form it
9. He would explain things ad nauseum, seriously, I would understand what he was talking about within the first five minurtes, but he would go on to explain himself for another 30.
10. He was NEVER a soft place for me to fall. It was always about his problems, his issues, his needs, and he always needed ME to be strong.
I'm so irritated that he owes me money! I hope he's able to pay it back soon so that I can fully take him out of my life. He's SO toxic.
This made me feel so much better! Sometimes I forget why I left in the first place.

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Here's mine:
1) For always putting his needs first.
2) For staying out late without calling, for occasionally not coming home at all.
3) For blaming me for everything when it ended.
4) For allowing me to become a doormat, then using it as a reason to break-up with me.
5) For letting me support him emotionally and financially when he was out of work for 4 months.
6) For making me put my own wants aside to satify his.
7) Plain and Simple : For not growing up.
-adc
-almostdoesntcount
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DaisyChain
I am proud of you...I know that is therapuetic for you and put things in perspective. Ladies if you see what she just did, please do that too. I have one myself on my ex...when you read it, you really have to sit there and understand why you were hurting in the first place.. Daisychain, pray that God will send you the man that lifts you up and keeps on lifting you up..that puts you on a pedastel, and encourages you...
Once again, I like what you did, continue to put things in perspective to heal your emotions..
blessed12005
Ok, here goes...
1. for drinking to excess every night
2. for blaming me for his drinking
3. for telling me he did everything right and NOTHING wrong
4. for not including me in any of his financial decisions
5. for taking my money and THEN refusing to put my name on the house, not even a survivorship deed.
6. for not communicating
7. for lack of affection
8. for lack of sex
9. because my son is happier and MUCH more relaxed without him and said so
10. for not including himself in my family functions
11. for not acknowledging my friends
12. for loving me cuz I'm "hot", and not because I'm funny, artistic, creative, sensitive, caring, intelligent and articulate...the list goes on
13. for his anger that lasts for days until he "gets over it"
14. for his lack of respect of me and my opinions
15. for his lack of respect of my parenting skills (16 yo ds is a GREAT kid, btw! thank you very much!)
16. and the beat goes on...
Edited 7/20/2005 9:20 am ET ET by blondie0506
Oh gosh... Here it goes:
1) for constantly require approval from people from outside, trying impressing them and ignoring me
2) for constantly flirting with girls while I am around
3) for getting angry when he had to go out of his way to do something for me
4) for not communicating his feelings
5) for taking me for granted
6) for lying to me
7) for not being eager to take me with him to his hobby trips over the weekend
8) for making plans with me the last minute and never plan anything in advance
9) for never telling me his needs and slowly build anger inside
10)for being so impatient
Wow great topic! I needed to do this as well. Couldn't be a better timing because I'm going to meet up with him tonight to say good-bye in person. This list is going to be a good reassurance why we are not together anymore!
1. For being so selfish/self centered
2. For yelling at me when things didn't go his way
3. For not taking me to a restaurant I like on my birthday
4. For not giving me flowers on Valentine's day
5. For saying "no" to most of my suggestions when we made plans
6. For calling me stupid
7. For not helping me move
8. For not helping me paint
9. For making me feel unimportant
10. For not being there when I needed his help/support
11. For not treating me with respects
12. For not treating our relationship with respects
13. For taking me for a granted
14. For not letting us things I enjoy
15. For being selfish even after we brokeup
Oh my, he sounds evil!
byandmm
I really like this thread, so I'm bumping it and adding my list of my exbf's cons (the pros list is short and irrelevant) :)
1. He yelled at me, said mean things to me, and swore at me
2. He is arrogant, always has to be right, and anything but his way is “stupid”
3. He stormed out when things didn’t go his way
4. He wouldn’t let me be myself
5. He smoked in my apt
6. He was usually angry
7. He wasn’t interested in sex if I initiated it
8. He always bad-mouthed women (even those he didn’t know – in his mind, women = bad guys)
9. He wanted me to be the political trophy wife
10. He was sketchy (read: lied to me) about his ex
11. He was broke: so now, I am too
12. He made me cry all the time and was completely unaffected by it
13. He invalidated my needs and concerns
14. Any acceptance of fault by him was followed by a “but you…” statement
15. He was arrogant about his knowledge in way that made me feel inferior; then he would say that inferiority was MY issue
16. He would make me wait for hours and get ticked when I wasn’t happy about it
17. He doesn't know how to communicate (especially about conflict) in a healthy, mature manner
18. He is disgustingly sarcastic, especially when mad
19. He managed to turn everything into my fault
20. He told me I’d never find anyone better than him
We've been breaking up for the last month, but I finally cut ties Friday. The thing is that I could have made this list a LONG time ago. I think the pros/cons list is a good idea even when you're in the throes of a thrilling courtship. Had I done that honestly, I would have known he was a jerk a lot sooner.
Feels good to write it down and get it out there. :)
I mean almost verbatim....
I feel your pain!
A few days after breaking up with my ex I made my own list that I pull out of my purse whenever I start to feel bad about the breakup. Here's mine:
1. Self-centered. He never wanted to come to family functions, only came to things when he could get something out of it for himself like tacking on a side-trip to visit a store he wants to go to.
2. Wastes all of his money on stereos, computers, other equipment he can't afford even though he has thousands of dollars in debt.
3. He gets snide when I disagree with him over political issues.
4. Doesn't think about marriage at all and clammed up every time we discussed the status of the relationship.
5. Would keep me waiting for him all the time-- waiting for him to arrive at the movies, waiting for him to get off the phone when we had plans to go somewhere, waiting for hiim to finish projects he could do another day, waiting for him to join me over a meal I made for him until the food started getting cold.
6. Didn't want to travel anywhere with me. Taking vacations with a significant other is important to me and he never saw the need to do that and booked trips to visit friends in other states on his own without inviting me.
7. Always left me feeling like I'd never ever be as important to him as his family. He'd move mountains for them but put in little effort to do things to make me happy, always did what was easiest for him and what would benefit him.
1. for putting softball before me, even after we'd been together for 3 years
2. smoking "because work stresses him out" even though I desperately wanted him to quit because the smell of it makes me sick
3. for not calling when he said he would
4. for being too busy to pick up the phone to even send me a text when he was going to be late
5. for not making time to spend time with me
6. He changed his mind about us too much. He would go from ready to buy a ring to wanting a break and back again.
7. he just stopped calling me all of a sudden, out of the blue, even when he told me in our last phone conversation "I'll call you back later"
8. he told me to "leave him alone" in a text 2 weeks later, rather hatefully, when all I was doing was trying to talk to him as a friend.
9. he led me on for 3 months telling me he still loved me and wanted to get back together
10. he told me I couldn't get rid of him, that he cared too much about me to not be in my life at all. that we would be friends... then tells me the above..
11. he already has a new girlfriend, with a 5 year old kid
12. since he moved out of his parents' house and in with an older friend that he works with, he's changed drastically. example) he's never been a heavy drinker. in all the time we were together, he never got drunk. now he parties and drinks just about every night of the week
13. he blamed me when we fought, even though I tried to keep things to myself until I cooled off and he would badger me until I told him what was wrong
14. he always got super defensive and yelled at me about the stupidest stuff, even when I was remaining completely calm
15. right before our 2 year anniversary he totaled his blazer and had younger girls with him. he had good explanations and people to back up his explanations (which made perfect since) but everybody at school said things about the situation and a lot went left unexplained... why I didn't leave him then is still beyond me....
16. there were a few of his friends that I didn't like, they were bad influences, and wanted him to go out and pick up girls with them (while we were still together) and go to strip clubs
17. he changed completely in what he wanted. he's a PK and a virgin, always said he wanted to wait until marriage, but then pressured me later
18. He would lie about simple stuff (like what time he got off work or what time he got home)
19. after we started our "break" he had girls over that liked him and cuddled up next to him in a recliner, but lied about things when I asked him about it
20. back to the whole sex thing, when we didn't have sex he completely backed off from even kissing me most of the time (to "not pressure me" supposedly... yeah right)
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