Here's my list, wanna share yours?
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| Fri, 06-17-2005 - 11:41am |
Okay, so I feel the need to write out all the reasons that I don't want to get back with my ex. I've maintained NC for about 4 days now. I almost slipped up yesterday because I had a really great interview and it was automatic to start dialing his number. But I stopped myself. Anyhoo, here's my list. Feel free to share yours too :)
1. He wanted to move to the east coast, I wanted to live in Seattle where my family and friends are
2. he and my family NEVER got along, and he refused to go to holidays/family functions
3. he blamed his problems with school (ie dropping classes, faling courses) on me and my daughter
4. in the last 12 months he's worked MAYBE 2 months. Though he's had about 15 jobs in the last 2 years. They typically last from 2 days to a month.
5. thought it was COMPLETELY fair for me to be the one working, even though I am also in school full time
6. tried to convence ME to drop down to part time school, so he could finish sooner, when he didn't even know what he wanted to major in, and I'm in a nursing program and already know my day of graduation
7. Even though I made all the money, he wanted TOTAL control of the finances, and got upset when I didn't want to just hand over my paychecks/tax returs/school financial aid checks
8. when we got engaged, he bought me a $5k ring on credit, and I paid over half of it off. Somehow he still thinks that when he sells it he should get to keep all of the money he makes form it
9. He would explain things ad nauseum, seriously, I would understand what he was talking about within the first five minurtes, but he would go on to explain himself for another 30.
10. He was NEVER a soft place for me to fall. It was always about his problems, his issues, his needs, and he always needed ME to be strong.
I'm so irritated that he owes me money! I hope he's able to pay it back soon so that I can fully take him out of my life. He's SO toxic.
This made me feel so much better! Sometimes I forget why I left in the first place.

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Ok, this is really therapeutic:
1. for going behind my back emailing women he met
2. for always being mad at me
3. for being moody
4. not paying for anything
5. breaking up when he met a woman and then starting a thing with her right away claiming they were only friends
On and on...
2. for saying he loved me for the first time -- AFTER he broke up w. me
3. for all the nice things I did for him, and how I loved him, not being enough for him to stay
4. for his torturing me with his indecisiveness
5. for giving me roses the day before Valentine's Day -- 2 weeks after he dumped me
6. for being so sweet and loving but still not wanting me back
7. for letting me re-sign the lease for my apt. for another year (we are neighbors) the day before he dumped me
8. for not telling me how he felt
9. for telling me how wonderful I am after I can no longer see him
10. for giving me hope when it may all be hopeless
Alrighty then...
I am leaving my live in boyfriend today, he already knows it and hung up on me while I was mid-sentence.
1.)For being 29 and acting 21
2.)For not being stable with any part of his life
3.)Drinking WAY too much so that he turns into the devil himself and starts calling ME
psycho and trying to kick me out of the house at 3am.
4.)For being upset with me when I finished my degree because he hasn't yet
5.)For being completely self centered
6.)For giving my guilt trips for not trusting him. I found him naked in our bed with a girl
7.)For not being honest with me. When I found the in bed he said "nothing happened!!" and swears to this day that hes innocent
8.)For lying to me and believing in his own lies so much himself that when hes caught in them and I have facts, he looks like a fool because he still denys it
9.)For calling all his co-workers "Baby, Kitten, Honey" etc, in front of me and never calling me by a pet name
10.)Giving me grief for never having much spending money- which is because I do not make much but ALL my bills are paid on time, and his stuff is always late or gets shut off
11.)For blaming me for ruining his birthday because I found out that he had cheated on me from the girl he cheated on me with. I guess I should have kept it to myself until the night was over so he could enjoy his birthday..Lol Whatever. Again refer to #7- his best friend even confirmed it and he STILL denies he cheated on me!!!
12.)For hanging out with 20 year old girls at their apartment drinkin beer, then telling me that he wasn't over there to sleep with him and that he doesn't discriminate people because of their age...Give me a break, he 29!!! They are 20!!!
And theres SO much more, see why I am leaving him?!?!
1. For choosing to break up with me instead of finding a way to juggle life, grad school, and me.
this is all I can come up with.
Was this original post really from June????
Anyway, I like everyone's lists, it helps me sort out my own and vent. Here I go...
1.for not having the decency of giving me a goodbye, even after I gave him several chances and dated for almost 2 yrs
2. for lying to me about another girl, when I knew for a fact he was talking to her (and was at a wedding with her)
3. for asking me for pictures of myself (we're long distance) and never receiving any from him, even after he "promised"
4. for not saying Merry Xmas this year
5. for postponing a work trip where we could meet and not asking his boss about it
6. for being able to find a weekend away with his friends in a location I could've met him at just as easy
7. for not inviting me to his sister's wedding but telling me "I'll send you your invitation"
8. for calling me his "girl" 2 weeks ago when another girl is calling him "sweetheart" and "love"
9. for never calling me- only emailing M-F
10. for calling the other girl the other night (and see #9)
11. for never coming back to my hometown to meet my friends, family
12. for getting jealous and mad at me for even so much as having a guy in my pictures that I had no interest in, yet he was emailing girls behind my back
13. for saying to me "don't be like this, we can talk" and then ignoring my texts, phone calls and emails
whew....
Reasons I don't regret leaving his ass:
1. Lied to me and said he didn't want a girlfriend because he was afraid that I didn't want him anymore. Continued to kick to me the curb every time he felt his ego was threatened and that I may break up with him.
2. Picked me up in the middle of a snow storm, told me I was everything he ever wanted in a girl, told me I was never allowed to hurt him or hang out with men better looking than him. Denied everything the following morning after we hooked up.
3. Never hung out with me again since that night yet called constantly to lead me on.
4. Told all the guys he worked with about our hook up and described every single detail including what I looked like, what I did to him, what I did to myself, and even put me in categories such as moaner, groaner, or breather.
5. For telling me that he had every right to talk that way about me to his friends.
6. Told me he wanted to be friends and then three days later said he had to see me that day because he realized something. I waited for over an hour and a half, he never showed up. He fell asleep because he was out all night drinking and playing poker.
7. Called to apologize about not showing up, convinced me that the relationship was worth saving, made plans to see me three days later when he got off work, never showed up and never called.
8. For walking away without ever uttering an apology when I told him I was done and that I wanted him to never talk to me, see me, or touch me again.
Needless to say, this guy was a pain in my ass! Thank god it only lasted half a year.
I like this idea...I already wrote a list of all the good things that we had but I haven't done the bad yet, so here it goes...
1. Because he is not taking care of his health he has become impotent and we did not have sex or any real intimacy the last 4 months of our relationship.
2. He has become a work-a-holic, worring about money and spends less and less time with me and his own daughter(she is not mine but his from a previous realtionship).
3. We have spent more time watching TV or going out drinking than actually going out on a real romantic date.
4. He stoped by for 10 mins on my birthday before going to work and gave me two cards and one flower ...goes back to #2. DOn't even get me started on my Christmas gifts!
5. He stopped wanting to do the fun things we use to do.
6. He took 20 mins (once again before he had to work) to tell me that he needed a break from our relationship and told me he would call me in the next few weeks, but has yet to call me or make any contact.
7. He refuses to fess up to anyone what happened with us leaving me to have to explain our break up.
9. He is not the same man I fell in loved with over 15 months ago.
10. He broke my heart and for awhile my soul/spirit....but I have been able to mend both.
That makes me feel better! Thank you!
Beware! My list is huge! Some of them are copied and pasted/modified from some of the previous posts because it fit me perfectly! Okay...here goes :)
1. For totally blindsiding me with the breakup. And during Christmas break, too!
2. For not letting me vent because he was tired of hearing me talk, even when I needed emotional support. And he was supposed to be my best friend??
3. For not being romantic with me. I told him I wasn’t a romantic person, but this was my first relationship. I didn’t know what I wanted. He didn’t even bother trying to bring some romance in our lives.
4. For being an emotionally weak man. He avoided every tough subject, while I had to face and deal them. How can I respect and be with someone who is weaker than I am?
5. For never telling me his needs and slowly building anger inside, even though he claimed he told me numerous times during our relationship. The one time we had a serious conversation about our needs was when I brought it up, and that was only because I was concerned about HIS needs!
6. He would sulk when I told him I wasn’t in the mood for sex. He made me feel terrible about it. He was like a child pouting over something he couldn’t get.
7. For avoiding talking about major issues, like my sexual abuse, because he “didn’t want to think about it.” He was insensitive to fact that I wasn’t always up for sex, even though he knew that part of that was because of my abuse.
8. For making fun of my friends and never making an effort to get to know them.
9. For believing he was above physical labor. He believed in hiring people to do the “dirty work” like mowing the lawn. He wouldn’t even help my girl friend move a heavy entertainment center into our apartment, and instead let her and her 50-something year-old father move it!
10. For not taking the time to understand and appreciate me. Yet, he accused ME of not appreciating him.
11. For saying that I took him for granted/didn’t appreciate him. But how many times have I thanked him for everything? How many times have I compromised to make him happy? I woke up early with him every workday just to help him pick out his clothes and make him coffee and prepare his lunch!!!
12. For being so completely arrogant and smug, believing he was always right. Anyway but his way was “stupid.” He had absolutely no humility!
13. For showing off his knowledge in a narcissistic way that made me feel inferior.
14. For taking pleasure in deceiving people. He would constantly tell me, his parents and anyone else false information, and when we believed him, he would laugh in our faces. I thought this was part of his quirky sense of humor, but this should have been a warning sign of his deceitful nature.
15. For feeling like he was entitled to everything. I don’t believe he was grateful for all that he had going on in his life. I grew up poor in a single-mother household. He grew up with both parents who made tons of money to pay for his education, rent, car, etc. Yet, he felt he deserved even more!
16. For making me feel bad for telling him to go to a dentist because I was concerned about his dental health. When I found out I had periodontal disease I was devastated, and I didn’t want him to have to go through what I went through emotionally and physically. Instead of consoling me about my condition and thanking me for my concern for his health, he took offense to my suggestion to go to a dentist and, as usual, didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
17. For treating me like dirt when he was ready to move on and break up with me. I treated him with nothing but respect and I only wanted to be treated the same.
18. For telling me after the breakup all the reasons why he didn’t want to be with me, yet he never told me that one of those reasons was because he met someone else and cheated on me! I had to find out the hard way by checking his email account after he broke up with me and gave me lame excuses. I’m ashamed that I had to resort to that for the first time in my life, but I’m glad that I found out because now I know his true character!
19. For falsely accusing me of cheating on him and telling me that if I ever cheated on him, he would dump me instantly. But, when he cheated on me, it was okay?? I wasn’t happy all the time, either, but I NEVER even thought about cheating. I believed in something called “loyalty” and “commitment.”
20. For believing that he was clever, more intelligent everybody else, and having a high moral/ethical code. Yet cheating was somehow okay! Anyone who cheats loses my respect, no matter how intelligent or how well educated they are!
21. For only looking out for his best interests and disregarding my feelings and having no respect for me when he cheated on me with some skank(s)!
22. For putting my sexual health at risk when he slept with me and some other girl(s) at the same time. I don’t want to have to pay the price for his selfishness.
23. For losing 50 lbs, changing his wardrobe to look more “mature”, for moving to a new city for grad school (and I was supportive of all of these changes, by the way)…and for choosing to dump me for some girl he met in that new city because she “gets him.” It’s as if I’m some “thing” to be discarded for the final step towards making him happy. This made me feel totally worthless!!
24. For giving me false hope. He told me that maybe we could get back together 5 years or so from now when we are both done with school and settled in our careers and happy with our independent lives. If he was so unhappy with me, why in the world would he return?? Complete and utter crap!
25. For all the nice things I did for him, and how I loved him, not being enough for him to stay. I pretty much begged him to give me a second chance! I even sent him a song that expressed how I felt. Yet, he was unmoved by my emotions.
26. Because 'I don't know', 'I can't remember' and 'I don't want to talk about this' are not acceptable replies to any question I ask.
27. He just stopped calling me all of a sudden even when he told me in our last phone conversation "I'll call you back later."
28. For knowing how I feel about remaining friends after a breakup, yet he stops all contact. Now that I think about it, I don’t want to be friends with a guy like him!
29. For making me doubt myself! It’s been about a year since the breakup, and I’m STILL thinking about what I did wrong and trying to overcome feelings of rejection and abandonment. He always made me feel like he was always right, so this makes me doubt myself and my self-worth.
30. Because the only time a man should make me cry is with tears of joy, not tears of hurt, confusion and exhaustion.
Wow! It felt good to get all of this stuff out! There's probably more, but this is all I can think of at the moment :)
Edited 2/26/2006 12:39 am ET by quietwhisper
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