Here's my list, wanna share yours?
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 06-17-2005 - 11:41am |
Okay, so I feel the need to write out all the reasons that I don't want to get back with my ex. I've maintained NC for about 4 days now. I almost slipped up yesterday because I had a really great interview and it was automatic to start dialing his number. But I stopped myself. Anyhoo, here's my list. Feel free to share yours too :)
1. He wanted to move to the east coast, I wanted to live in Seattle where my family and friends are
2. he and my family NEVER got along, and he refused to go to holidays/family functions
3. he blamed his problems with school (ie dropping classes, faling courses) on me and my daughter
4. in the last 12 months he's worked MAYBE 2 months. Though he's had about 15 jobs in the last 2 years. They typically last from 2 days to a month.
5. thought it was COMPLETELY fair for me to be the one working, even though I am also in school full time
6. tried to convence ME to drop down to part time school, so he could finish sooner, when he didn't even know what he wanted to major in, and I'm in a nursing program and already know my day of graduation
7. Even though I made all the money, he wanted TOTAL control of the finances, and got upset when I didn't want to just hand over my paychecks/tax returs/school financial aid checks
8. when we got engaged, he bought me a $5k ring on credit, and I paid over half of it off. Somehow he still thinks that when he sells it he should get to keep all of the money he makes form it
9. He would explain things ad nauseum, seriously, I would understand what he was talking about within the first five minurtes, but he would go on to explain himself for another 30.
10. He was NEVER a soft place for me to fall. It was always about his problems, his issues, his needs, and he always needed ME to be strong.
I'm so irritated that he owes me money! I hope he's able to pay it back soon so that I can fully take him out of my life. He's SO toxic.
This made me feel so much better! Sometimes I forget why I left in the first place.

Pages
Why would you want to list the good things you had, jen? That only makes the emotional separation process harder. Here's my list, abbreviated from the two-page list I made a couple of nights ago! I also included a list of what my ideal man would have (that this man didn't). He was only my boyfriend briefly, before he went back to his girlfriend, but I was interested in him for over a year, so I still consider this a break-up:
1. He had a girlfriend.
2. He never talked about his girlfriend at work, leading other people (including me) to believe he was available. He'd do the same to me.
3. His girlfriend made six times as much as he did and supported him while he got his associates degree, watched his child on weekends, and was always there for him, yet STILL it wasn't enough for him.
4. He kissed me while he still was living with his girlfriend.
5. He's a department store security guard and doesn't even do very well at that.
6. Doesn't brush his teeth before going to bed.
7. Had a problem with the fact that I went out with my friends a lot and wouldn't have been home with him.
8. Is a homebody, content to sit on the sofa watching TV.
9. Made me feel insecure about my body and myself.
10. I deserve to be happy...and crying myself to sleep every night is NOT "happy."
My ideal man will:
1. Never let a day go by without at least calling me to check in.
2. Always let me know he can't wait to see me.
3. Not be commitment-phobic.
4. Be available in every way.
5. Be selfless in every way.
6. Be respectful of my need to have outside interests.
7. Not be afraid to go after what he wants.
8. Not be content to sit on the sofa, watching life pass him by.
9. Make me feel like the most beautiful, luckiest woman in the world.
10. Not be able to live without me, no excuses.
Hey Stephie.....I guess my reason at the time for making the good list was just a process in my healing...it was at the very begining of the break up and I was thinking of showing the list to my ex at the time to show him how much more good we had than bad. I never did show him the list, but if we ever do decide to work things out I have something good to show him. Good luck with everything.
jenkacz78
2. For me paying for eveything.
3.Being the only shoulder he cried on.
4. Refer to number 1 no job for two years.
5. Losing my friend because they hated him.
6. For breaking my heart and I'm still upset.
I love the idea of making a list. I just had my first social encounter with my ex (we have a lot of mutual friends) and while I did manage to be cool on the outside I wanted to scream on the inside and after three hours of putting up appearences, I definately need to vent. So, here are the reasons I don't want to get back together with him:
1. I won't have to watch any more crappy movies and pretend I find them interesting
2. No more ignoring the chicken legs
3. No more sleeping on a mattress covered in plastic (who does that if your not a small child or a senior with bladder control problems?)
4. No more wasting my time on someone who is emotionally unavailable
5. He's in fantasy land most of the time
6. He thinks he is a whole lot cooler than he really is
7. I don't want to be around when the receding hair turns into male pattern baldness
And many more... including the fact that I will not get back together with someone who broke up with me. I'm pretty sure we all deserve someone who will love us back and until that person comes along, the less time I can waste on the ones who don't the better!
Well, I recently have discussed with my boyfriend that we should take a break, today is the second day. I did this because i simply cannot connect with him, everything about us is different. He seems to be taking it a lot harder than I am, he sarted drinking once i left him after the conversation, and is still messed up. He has called me, saying how much he loves me, but he's never really showed his love. Now I feel terreble, but once i start the list you'll find out why I don't want to be with him any longer.
1. He is an alcoholic. A bad tempered one. I always said i'd leave if a guy hit me, and well, i'm just now getting around to doing that.
2. He does drugs. Hard drugs. And spends my money on them, since he doesn't work and I do.
3. He tells his parents bad things about me, and my secrets, while I am sitting right there.
4. He's more into his career path than he is me, I mean, who talks about the law 24/7 and then wonders why i look bored?
5. He seems to show more affection towards his dog than me. I don't get any affection. He hasn't touched me in a loving way in more than a year, but he'll cuddle/kiss/hug/ and be happy when he sees her.
6. I want kids and a marrage, he doesn't.
7. Need I really say more? He's a crackhead with a law degree, imagine that.
He doesn't see us together until i told him how i feel, and let him go. Now, all the sudden, it seems that i am the very fabric of his life, and that he needs me, he loves me, he'll stop doing drugs, like he had promised 3 years ago. I used to smoke cigarettes, but i quit, for him. He didn't like it, so i stopped. I was one of the hardest things to do, too. I changed over and over, on so many different levels, for him. He's still partying, drinking, staying out every night and not calling, I'm sick of it. This list, by the way, was a brilliant idea. It has helped me realize how bad it was when i typed it out. Thanks.
1. for never making me a priority, as a friend or as a girlfriend
2. for leading me on, and after a 3 month relationship confessing he never really liked me as more than a friend
3. for cheating
4. for dumping me for a girl he knew for a day and cheated on me with because she's skinnier
5. for telling me he wasnt sexually attracted to me when he initiated everything in the beginning
6. for telling me how much he cared about me but not being willing to prove it
7. for not understanding why im angry with him after dumping me
8. for chosing a girl he knew for a day over me who he's known for a year
9. for never really caring about me
10. for making sure that when the relationship ended he had something else to move on to so that he wouldnt have to feel any pain while i had to deal with it all
11. for ever saying he cared or felt anything for me when his actions say otherwise
12. for lying
13. for pretending we can still be friends and not understanding why i cant handle that
14. for telling me i would never lose him and dumping me a week later
15. for being everything to her he never was to me
16. for taking away any self esteem i had in me
i could go on forever..
Pages