He's Back - Not Sure What to Do

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2009
He's Back - Not Sure What to Do
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 8:24pm

It has been several months since I posted and the last time I did, I had just been dumped by (up until then) the most wonderful man I had ever dated.

After months of trying to figure out what I did wrong, about 10 pounds, and many shed tears, I was able to pick up the pieces and put my life back together.

I have tried going out with other men, but haven't had very much luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:08am

Hi there,

I don't know the details of your time with him, but if you felt like things were going well and don't know why you two broke up, then I'm just going to guess that he is probably the type that likes to be with a woman temporarily to have sex, while not having to put in the effort it takes to be in a long term relationship.

To me, that's very inconsiderate and intrusive to text you after he was the one who dumped you. If he was a mature man who wanted to get back together with you, he would call you and say he made a mistake, and now is in a place to be serious about you. When a man texts like this, I think he wants to get you at a weak point to have sex with you without the commitment. You are right not to text back. If he texts you again, I would text

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 3:41pm

Hi, Blueorchid61 gave some great advice my Ex would do the same one min he broke up with me and the next he was txting how am i doin which lead into he loved me again and I would give him a second chance and then I was dumped again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 10-06-2010 - 12:28am
Listen to your head. He really hasn't said or done anything that tells you he actually wants to be together again. All you have to go on is that you still feel hurt. Maybe you're afraid you won't find someone else who's as wonderful as this was. Here's something for you to think about: I PROMISE you you will Not find anyone else who will 've wonderful to you while you're still holding onto the memory of this man. How's that for a reality check?

Remember, your goal is to find someone who is truly a great match for you, that means someone who is wonderful to you and will NOT leave you. Love yourself enough to see that.

Good luck!

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 10-07-2010 - 11:44am

tinyblu, please take a moment to recognize that right now, you have all the power and control in this situation and The Heartbreaker has absolutely none. I can understand that you have been thinking about this situation a lot, and that you really want to respond, but realize that once you do respond, you give him all the power back. Also, if he really wanted you back, he would directly say so - He wouldn't just BS you with "how ya doin". He is testing the waters - DONT LET HIM. Make him jump in and really make himself vulnerable to you if he really wants you. Require more effort than stupid text messages.

I don't know why this guy dumped you, but don't forget that reason. You put your life back together on your own.

I guess if it were me and I really wanted to hear what he had to say (if there IS anything), I would tell myself not to get emotionally attached to him, create that distance for myself, and then respond to his text with: "If you have something significant to say, call"

It's ok to still miss him.