He's confusing me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
He's confusing me!
5
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 10:55am
This is my story: we broke up at the beginning month, we've been together for 2 years. We used to get into little fights and agruements all the time, we were finally just really tired of it, so i told him i think we need a break, we'll he took it a step further and said that we needed to breakup! Which means it was "fair game" in his terms. But he told me that it's not his intentions to be out there chasing girls, he needs to focus on himself and make himself a better man! Then he came to me and said that he thinks that we should not talk for a month, no contact what so ever. well he had called me on mothers day, he asked me to tell my mom happy mothers day, then he proceeded to tell me how much he loves me and how he misses me, misses my lips, the way i smell etc...he then asked me if i had met anyone? i told no i'm not out there looking, when i asked him he said he's hung out with a few girls, gotten some numbers and given his out, but he hasn't kissed anyone or had sex with anyone! That really upset me only after two weeks and he's already hung out with other girls! Well we didn't talk again still the 21st, i had "drunk" called him the night before, it was out anniversary! he never picked up but called me back the next morning. He told me that we were breaking the rules and that we'll talk on the first. i just asked him why is that it's so easy for him, (well you see his dad had committed suicide when he was 10 and this month is the 10 year anniversary) he told me it was because i wasn't dead that he could always pick up the phone and call me! i kinda just let that go cause i know that he's going through a tough time right now. i told him that i wanted some closure, he told me we have closure we're broken up, i told him that, that was not closure, he then told me that if i wanted closure then stop calling him! all i could say was ok i was so shocked at how mean he was being to me!He told me that we weren't going to get back together on june 1st, we have so much growing up to do, and maybe in the future when we more mature. He said then if we get back together than great if not then we don't. he then just said he had to go and hung up the phone. But he called me right back, he said that he loves me so much and that he misses me and thinks about me everday! But we both just weren't happy and we both need lots of growing up to do. He said that he hasn't had sex with anyone, he hasn't even kissed another girls, and i need to trust him. That i'm the only woman that he cares about for out here. That this isn't the end and we'll always be friends,he wasn't going to go anywhere. I already know that we weren't getting back together on the first, but why does he have to be so mean just to call me back and tell me nice things? Does he still care about me, love me, in love with me? Please help, i think i'm going crazy thinking!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 12:00pm

He told you exactly what you needed (but didn't want) to hear: if you want closure, stop calling him.

You're not going to "get" closure from any phone conversation with him. You get it from having no contact and letting time pass, until you get to the point where you accept that he's not the right guy for you (because he wouldn't have ended it if he were). THAT is closure.

He called you back because he felt guilty, but that doesn't mean that he wasn't right the first time around. You need to move on!!! He's now made it clear that June 1st is an illusion, so you need to let go of that if you haven't already.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 12:20pm

Sweety, you're NOT going to like this.


Stop torturing yourself.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 3:26pm
I know i need to let go, i've been trying real hard don't get me wrong! Sometimes i get in these moods where i feel so crappy, and confused. If you're saying he's trying to let me down easy then why does he keep telling me that this is not the end of us? and i've asked him too if that was his intentions and that he really didn't want to hurt my feelings to please just let me have it, i'd rather know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 4:01pm

Then I will let you have it, you seem to find a way back in each time----- it's over, let it go.

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anonymous user
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 1:22pm
Wow! I don't want to hurt your feelings, but what a jerk! Talk about stringing you along! Dump him. Delete his phone number from your address book. It's possible to be friends with someone, but friends don't play those kind of games with you. There are so many more people out there that won't play with your emotions like that. Unfortunately, sometimes you don't get to have closure. Sometimes you don't get answers to your questions or get to ask the questions. Leave him in the dust! There's someone out there looking just for you.