He's in denial--or maybe its just me??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
He's in denial--or maybe its just me??
6
Wed, 07-20-2011 - 10:10am

Hi All,

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 07-20-2011 - 11:38am

"He thought he couldnt afford to pay child support so I have stayed."

You allowed yourself to be manipulated to stay in this relationship really, really easily.

You told him you were done, you're sick of his repeated cheating, and now you follow through with it, because the alternative is to stay and CONTINUE TO BE CHEATED ON.

It sucks that things are now so shaken that you have to make a huge decision and split up the family, but it's HE who put you in this position, and things aren't going to be ideal either way. At least by leaving you will be able to respect yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Wed, 07-20-2011 - 12:05pm
Guys usually don't "get it" until the divoce papers are signed. BTDT. His reaction is quite normal. For a guy in this situation. You are entitled to half of everything if not more, so you do have options. Consult with a lawyer and fnd out what your options are in your state. They usually do not charge for the initial consultation. The picture is not as difficult as you are making it out to be because you do have a right to divorce if you don't want to be married to him anymore. He will kick and scream through the process, but you can control that once you are living separately.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Wed, 07-20-2011 - 6:55pm

I realized long ago that he does manipulate me....My problem is...I DONT WANT TO FIGHT! I hate it and try to avoid it even if its not right. I need to be more assertive and stand up.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Sat, 07-23-2011 - 1:34am
I'm so sorry you feel so stuck, but I'm a little confused. You are officially divorced, but you found he was cheating in March? Were the two of you reconciling and he cheated? I would set up a plan and start paying down as much as you can while trying to save as well. If you have people who will help you pay legal fees I would go for it if I were you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 07-23-2011 - 9:22am

Hi;

Well? if you are divorced then you can sell everything and split the assets and then move on. That is what happens in divorce right.

I am assuming if that doesnt happen one of you has to leave the house. If its him then he is obligated to pay child support and maybe spousal support.

I know how this goes. I am divorced from my husband and he stayed in the marital property. I got a divorce settlement and moved out for a few years.

Lo and behold I lost my job and the economy tanked and so I moved in with my family.. Its not pleasant and I find myself from time to time going back to my old home and staying there on and off with ex husband but only as room mates. I truly thinks its nuts but I have no choice at times as my sis moves in her abusive alcoholic bfriend here and

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Sat, 07-23-2011 - 12:53pm
Wow, freeatlast. I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. You must feel like you are living in limbo and it must be very confusing. Question, why doesn't his gf know that you stay there? Is that the way you want it? Tough situaton for sure. Are you secretly hoping for reconciliation? Or maybe he is and that's why his relationship is on and off?