he's gay
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he's gay
| Sun, 05-13-2007 - 2:19pm |
my boyfriend and i have been really close for a year and a half now. i could never give up on him and we finally started officially dating about six months ago. over the past month he has been getting a little distant i've been questioning whether things were going to last but i still had hope for the most part. out of no surprise (to me atleast) last night he confessed to me that he's gay. and has been for his whole life. he said that he thought he was just bisexual. but he realized recently that his love for me was only as a friend. for the past year and a half, i have truly thought that he was the one for me. and he's the first boy i ever felt comfortable enough to get that close to. i have so many emotions right now and don't know what to do with all of them. i am so happy for him that he's finally showing his true self. and i want to be by his side while he does this. i'm the first one that he's told. and we have all of the same friends so i can't even talk to any of them about it. i keep thinking that the only way to really get over him is through distance but i don't want to do that at all. i want us to continue on as best friends. i just don't know how well this is going to work. i don't know what i need. i guess maybe some support.

Hi clh05e and welcome to the board,
I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
Hi,
I completely understand the shame you feel as well as the desire to remain close to him. There is a saying for women involved with gay men called "the other side of the closet" (I think there is a book by the same title too). The shame is not wanting to tell others YOUR story, your diffuculties, your ANGER at him for deceiving you. The strange feeling that there is something wrong with you as a woman. I have been there - really. You want that closeness and hang on to being his greatest confidant, but you need to take care of yourself. This is damaging to you. You were in a relationship with someone who does not have the ability to be in love with you. You have to accept that. You have ery right to be angry, sad, and hurt. Take care of yourself. Get away from him and build your own life. Your role is not to be his greatest supporter while he goes through the process of coming out. You need to get over this realtionship and move on to a man who can fall in love with you. If you hang around it will only take longer for you to heal. Yeah, great...he "realizes" he is gay, but what about you? What about the lies he told you or the deception of beleiving that he was straight. I'm sure being gay is difficult, but it is no excuse to lie to others or to hurt others. He may be hurt by society, but his actions and choices have hurt you. I say get away from his and heal yourself. You'll be better off in the end. Yes, I have been there. I know EXACTLY what you are going through and I am speaking from personal experience.
Take care!