He's gone... I can't stop crying
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| Mon, 08-09-2004 - 12:29pm |
He never packed correctly and didn't get anyone to help him so I ended up helping. The split was more or less amicable, I guess... no fighting or anything like that... just a sense of disillusionment and the realization that it was over. So, anyway, the move was long... he didn't leave until 12:40 this morning. He still has to come back on Wednesday to get the computer, a few last things and our German Shepherd and the cat...
This morning I got up and the house was just so empty. Pretty much how I feel too. I am so afraid now... afraid of being alone again, afraid of dating, afraid about how long it's going to hurt, afraid I won't find anyone else who compares (which I KNOW is pathetic because he wasn't always great to me anyway)... I know this is all normal and I've heard every cliche about how it's for the best and there are better things out there for me, about how strong I am and how I'll be just fine. But dammit this hurts so bad. I have been convincing myself that all those cliches are true and I suppose they are. I know I have to choose my fate now, choose to be happy again and set my own destiny. But I gotta stop crying somehow first. I have to stop thinking about what could've been, because it will never be. And I HAVE to stop imagining him happy with other women... it's just eating me up... if only I could imagine me happy with another man maybe it would help...
Thanks for me listening to my pity party. I can't even ask for advice because I don't know what I need to hear... I'm running out of tissue too...

I know you are probably a bit shell-shocked right now, and you will find yourself going through the stages of grief. You do sound like you have a good head on your shoulders which will serve you well in the coming months. Once again, I am sorry you have to go through this. ((hugs))
Lois
There's a great article about breaking up at MarsVenus.com where they compare the stages that you go through to the 5 stages of dying (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance). When you think about it, a break up is like dealing with a death--or at least a loss.
I know it sounds like a cliche, but a year from now you will be different, better and moving forward with your life. Take it one day at a time and give yourself a chance to grieve and heal.
Take care!
I'm so glad to see that you were able to make your way back here. I know you mentioned in an earlier post that your x-DH was taking the computer with him when he moved out. All I can say about that is - perhaps you can use your local library computer to post. I know that's inconvenient, but at least you can check in w/ us (and vice-versa) and gets you out of the house. Just a thought...
(sniffle... passing the tissue). I don't even know what to say after reading your latest post. I'm so sad to hear about what you're going thru, esp after yesterday's episode. Just wanted to let you know that you've got friends here who care about you and are pulling for you. Post whenever you want, however many times you need to.
Take care of you,
~Claire
Claire... fortunately I can post from work and check the boards there... I will be in contact for sure...
bless you all for your support and understanding... hugs
Edited 8/10/2004 9:58 am ET ET by cabikerchick
ok, you've made it thru another 1/2 day w/o your x-dh. you've shown yourself that -yes, you are heartbroken & disappointed, but you still get up every morning, come to work, do your normal routine... basically live life. It may be a lonely life for now - but this won't be forever. like you said, baby steps to recovery. we'll be here w/ ya....
take care,
~Claire
You are smart and strong; you KNOW you'll be fine. Good luck to you & I'm thinking about you!
I know I will make it thru this... and I know that there will be crappy days in between... it's all part of the process...
btw, I'm 36 yrs old... met the X when I was 27, married at 30 and now divorcing... my wedding anniversary is Sept 19... thinking about going to Vegas for the weekend... play the nickel slots... used to be quarters but I'm a single homeowner now...
thanks to you all again for listening... it really does help to know that there is someone out there who understands where I'm at... hugs...