He's inconsiderate and unreliable...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2007
He's inconsiderate and unreliable...
6
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 1:21pm

But I still have strong feelings for him... my heart feels so heavy and weak. I haven't broken up with him yet but I've decided to end our unhealthy relationship because I've finally realized it's negatively affecting my relationship with friends and even affecting my health. We lived 25 minutes apart and we only saw each other once every three months. He doesn't cancel dates or gives me a call to tell me, he just doesn't show up and he ignores me when I try to confirm our dates. We hardly talk, perhaps a few texts a night. I do my best to make him feel happy and special.. but I don't believe he ever tried his best. I don't mind paying for dates, but paying for them every single time gets tiring and doesn't make me feel feminine. I don't know why I have strong feelings for someone who doesn't act responsible, reliable, or considerate. His pride prevents him from apologizing for all those times he's stood me up. He knows how it feels to be disappointed so I don't understand why he does this to me..If I were one of his friends he'd certainly be considerate.

How do I keep myself from thinking about him after we break up?? I've made a list of things I didn't like about him and our relationship to prevent me from having "dumper's remorse". Whenever I miss him I just read the list and remind myself why I'm breaking up with him in the first place. I need to move on but I've never been so attached to someone before so handling a situation like this is foreign to me..

I'm scared of saying "I love you" again and I'm scared that I won't be able to meet someone who respects and lives by the same morals as I do. I know I deserve better and my friends are relieved that I'm finally moving on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 1:56pm

To get him out of your system, it's simply goign to take effort on your part to replace each thought you have of him with a different one each time one comes up.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2007
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 2:15pm
WOW... I can't even begin to express how you hit the nail on everyone one of those issues. I needed someone to open my eyes and you've really done that. Thank you so much and I appreciate the time you've taken to write that awakening call to me. It actually boosted my confidence and I think a change is in order. I won't be lowering myself anymore and settling for someone less of what I'm really worth. You're right, his actions weren't acceptable and I've tolerated it long enough. I suppose I was frightened of becoming one of those annoying and nagging girlfriends that cry when they can't see their boyfriend for one day out of the whole year. Throughout our relationship I did voice my concerns to him and how things needed to be improved. I had told him earlier how his actions hurt me... he improved for a few months but then gradually reverted back to his old ways. He knows he's wrong because he's constantly telling me, "I don't want to risk losing you." So he's aware of his actions and how it affects me, but he doesn't do anything to improve the situation. He's always saying how he needs to "prove" to me and my family that he really does love me and that he's the one for me... but every time he says that, those words get less and less meaningful because as my friends say, "he's all talk".
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 2:15pm

Welcome to the board anona07,


In addition to the excellent advice you got from Sandra, I wanted to add a few things.


One, this 'relationship' (and I use the term loosely) doesn't even sound like a real relationship to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2007
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 2:28pm

My mother always told me how our relationship wasn't real and that he wasn't a boyfriend because we never see each other or do anything.. I never understood her when she said that but I realize that she's right. Although there are long distance relationships... mine really wasn't. If he really wanted to see me, then he would have.

"My opinion — and you won't like it — is that in fact, you do not love him. You are addicted to him, obsessed with him, sure, but love is a mutual state of adoration that is grounded in deep admiration and abiding friendship and respect for each other. And you two do not have that. You speak about him the way an addict speaks about their substance, as though it is impossible to do without it. You say you can't do no contact, but you can do it. You just don't want to." —Grrl Genius Cathryn Michon

I think that's possibly the best description someone's ever given me about my relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 8:17pm
First off , I truly think we might have been dating the same person.
I agree with Carrie's receommendations for you needing a boost to your Self Esteem.
I am sorry to say my therapist told me the same thing yesterday and recommended
Why am I Afraid To Tell You Who I am? by John Powell.
I just started it, its making sense so far.
Good Luck to you~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2007
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 9:24pm
haha what was your ex boyfriend's name??