He's Just Not that Into You

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
He's Just Not that Into You
9
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 7:34pm

Did anyone catch Oprah today? She had the author of He's Just Not That Into You on..... his second appearance bringing up some topics for couples who had been together for awhile.

Check it out..... It helped me through my healing process :)

http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200504/tows_past_20050427.jhtml

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:02am

I saw it...good show! I posted what I got from it on Guy Talk:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlguytalk&msg=23489.1&ctx=0

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:33am
That book is awesome. It reads so easily, too. It's crazy how blind some women can be when it comes to men. That doesn't really mean that they're stupid, though. I know as well as anyone how crazy and irrational certain guys can make us. I'm still struggling with my urge to contact my ex, and I'm even engaged to another man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 10:46am

Hi all!

There is another book that's good too! It's called..."Be honest You're Not That Into Him Either"! the author is Ian Kerner.

Take care everyone!

Michele

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 9:00pm

I posted the below a few days ago on the iVillage Codependents and Love Addicts forum...

As you can probably tell by my username I'm a guy. In my opinion HJTNIY is for woman only. I didn't know this before I bought it after my ex-fiance called our wedding off. I tried changing the he's to she's and visa versa, but it didnt work with that book.

Overall there's very few books for men regarding relationships. The saleslady at Barnes and Noble said that's because men don't buy those kinds of books. Out of three fully stocked standing book racks there were three books that could be interpreted as being written for a man.

A book I did buy, read, and recommend is called "Letting Go" by Dr. Zev Wanderer & Tracy Cabot. It's a 12 week action program to overcome a broken heart. It was good reading, had some good advice, and is suitable for both males and females.

Good luck all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 10:00pm

Hi eddie202,

I'm not sure of the reasons why you're relationship broke up but there's also a booked called "He's Scared, She's Scared".It's about people afraid to commit. You might want to check it out! Good Luck to you!

Michele

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 10:32pm
hey malena78, I saw that Oprah show. I also read his book. Yeh, he tells it like it is although I'm still trying to figure out if the guy I'm involved with is into me? I can't read him at all-he's all over the map! Cheers to you, I'm glad it helped.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 3:11am

"hes just not that into you" has obviously received a lot of hype lately - ...

and although i enjoy the book/concept greatly, at the same time - i dont believe that it is applicable to EVERY individual and EVERY relationship... people and emotions are not always so black and white, and cant be generalized so easily...so maybe he doesnt call you when you want - but perhaps its just because he doesnt like to be on the phone and its not in any ways an indication of how he feels?? isnt that a possibility as well?

personally, i think the most important concept to take in from the book - is simply that, "if THIS is NOT what you WANT, then he is NOT right for YOU." and basically, thats all it comes down to... theres no point (even though we cant help it) to analyze inside out why he behaves that way, what this and that means, what he really feels, make excuses for him, try so hard to read into our breakups, etc etc... because at the end of the day, the situation REMAINS and and we gotta deal with what IS...and really, it doesnt matter how much he is, or isnt into us, because it doesnt change a single thing...

if we're handed a bad egg, its not necessarily important to know if it came before or after the chicken... all we gotta realize is that we've got this bad egg at hand, and we must then deal with it accordingly to our best selves...

anyways - i dont know if ive made any sense tonight...im wayy too tired to be writing right now, lol.

just my 2 cents,
eeksj

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 11:42am

That IS the message of the book...the catch phrase is just a catchy short hand way of saying that. Yes, it's possible that he doesn't like the phone...but a guy who is really "into you" (which I translate as a guy who's RIGHT for you) will make his interest clear in OTHER ways. You just won't have any doubts of his interest, whether he's making phone calls or sending smoke signals ;-)!

Basically, if you're not happy with how you're being treated, and you're making excuses for his behavior, it's time to move on.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 8:11am
Michele, that's exactly why she called it off. As time got closer to the wedding she decided she was afraid to commit. Everything was absolutely great and then it was like her anxiety kicked into overdrive and she freaked out. I'll check out that book. I'm interested in what it has to say about commitment, thanks!