HE'S A LIAR!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
HE'S A LIAR!!!!
5
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 1:49pm
I broke up w/my bf on Sat. We were at the supermarket and these teenage twins go up to my bf and say what's up and they both look at me strangely then they ask him where my mother's at? My bf looked shocked and act like if he didn't hear what they were asking him, they repeated then he said how would I know. The twins were smerking at him and gave me a second look and walked away. I asked my boyfriend what was that about and he just said I don't know then he started to ask me what else do we need to buy and I was pist. I told him if he didn't fess up I would go looking for the twins. He stayed shut and so I went looking through the supermarket to ask the twins why they were asking my bf where their mother's at. I figured if I ask them they will tell me the truth, they don't know me. Of course, I could not locate them and when I went to check if my bf was where I left him with the cart, I caught him looking for the kids and then when I appeared in front of him he looked nervous. This is suspicious. I told him that he was doing something to let me know or I'm leaving. (we live together for 4 yrs). He told me I was overreacting. Then when I asked him if he knew their mother, he said yes, and that he used to date her years before we were dating. Then he said that she worked where he was previously working. I asked him when was the last time he saw her he said 3 wks ago with the kids and I said where were you with them, at their apt., park, etc. He said he didn't remember. He's a liar. I left his butt. He could've just told me the truth. I told him if he did something to just let me know and then he says, why should I if I've already was packing my stuff. I hate all these stupid games guys like to play. I'm tired of this crap. If he wants to be w/someone else then fine, let me know and I'll be on my way. This really sucks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 5:08pm

He probably could have just told you the truth, but since you

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 6:18pm

You go girl! Go with your gut. Not only what you saw, but if a guy won't fess up, that in itself is all you need to know. When I confronted my ex about sexy messages from some chick on his IM he got mad at ME and that was all I needed to know. I later pretty much confirmed they have had phone sex, so he had something to hide. (He cheated on me with other people than her.)

He'd been lying to me from the beginning, little stuff. I didn't think it was THAT big a deal.

My new motto is: can't lie, can't cheat. If he lies, he can cheat.

I wish I had your guts and let my guy go when I suspected something but I denied it and then went through hell afterward.

Let us know what happens...




Edited 11/6/2006 6:21 pm ET by devuchka

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 11:21pm

I agree, no liars, no cheats.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 10:37am
Thanks. I'm so hurt. I'm staying at my mother's apt. Do you know how humiliating that is. I mean thank God I have a place to stay because of my financial situation. On Sunday, he calls to tell me I had his set of keys. I told him to stop by my mom's home and he did not want to. I told him, "Why do you feel guilty?" Then I asked again, "You sure that you don't have anything to say to me?" He said no. I said, "Alright, it's not like I'm not giving you the opportunity to be honest with me. Your choice." A part of me is so heart broken and a part of me wants to punch his face. I don't like drama in my life. I've been through my share of break ups and I'm just tired of these men thinking that it's ok to be mysterious. Lately, he was locking his phone with a code and had it on vibrate all the time. I'm like what's up with that. I don't keep my phone on vibrate or lock it up with a code. It pist me off but I left it alone. I would respect a man if he admits that he did something that was inappropriate. Maybe he had this little fling or something. I don't know. But I told him just tell me the truth and if you did something let's talk about why you did it and so on...maybe I would not have left. I don't know. I just don't like to be lied to about things like this. I know that when you are in a relationship for awhile things happen. It could've happened to me. Woman are more prone to telling their guys the truth when they get caught and they explain why they did what they did. What's sad is that he hasn't called, nothing. Makes me feel that he has someone on the side. I told him now you can boink all the women you want, carmen, maria, nelly, etc....He just looked at me like I was a nut. I said have fun.....I'm out. I'm so hurt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 3:45pm

Ouch, that hurts. At least you have a place to stay. And -- NO need to be embarrassed! You are not the one who is dishonest here. I think it's amazing that you're getting out. So many women (including me for a bit) tend to live in denial and pretend nothing is happening when everyone else can see it.

Ok, I said no need to be embarrassed, but I so get it. I am very embarrassed that I dated such an a**hole, and figure everyone must have known about his cheating but me. However, I did my best with the information I had and my lack of experience of being cheated on. That's all anyone can do.

Phone being off is a big red flag. Your guy definitely is hiding something and if he is, it's something you don't want to know about. Or someone. I will never date anyone again who has his phone off EVER. My guy did it from the beginning and I was an idiot and didn't question it.

I'm so proud of you that you were able to move on this. Hope you can stick with your decision and not go back.

If you can, don't questions your decision. Why would you want to put up with a fling? And why would you want to forgive him if he told you the truth? I firmly believe, and have seen, once a cheater, always a cheater. You can be sure if there's someone new she is not going to get a better deal than you did.

Hugs. Stay strong. I know it hurts, but better a little ouch when the band-aid comes off now than a bigger wound later...at least that's what everyone says. I haven't gotten to the later either, but I'm banking on them being right.

My ex hasn't called either but then, I wouldn't answer anyway since I will never speak to him again, being a cheater. He didn't like rules he said, well, let him feel the consequences. If the loss of me doesn't mean anything to him, I will make sure he thinks he meant nothing to me.




Edited 11/7/2006 3:49 pm ET by devuchka