HE'S TRYING SO HARD TO CONTACT ME

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
HE'S TRYING SO HARD TO CONTACT ME
7
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 12:03pm
Ok my boyfriend and I of 4 years broke up, on September 9,2004, and so basically I have been crying gallons and gallons of tears since the event happened. It happened because he wanted to see other people he was giving me suddle hints in his actions that he wanted space.. He was talking of being attracted to others girls and thinking of going out with them,his phone was ringing off the hook with girls numbers he claimed not to know etc. So I asked him what he wanted to do he wanted to see others so thats where at now. Ok well basically I have severed contact although hard and painfull I needed to do this for my own sanity. So he's writes me an email yesterday telling me that i am the one for him and that he loves me and doesn't want to be with out me. Well my heart felt a little better but just as the note ended he say's pretty soon. Meaning not now but again after he is done having his fun. So it felt bad again so basically he is still not right. Other details in the letter he talks about this and that being wrong with him and that he needed me to talk to him about it because of my nursing and medical background. So he asked me Could I please get back to him. Well my problem is that I am scared to open up the window to allow him to talk to me even for this because it is just going to hurt me but I want to help him if he has a medical problem.. However before when we have had problems and contact had been limited he has done things to reel me into to talking to him and then he would go in for the kill to win me back. So my question is should i talk to him and answer his questions about his medical problems and hurt myself alittle doing this or should i just continue to ignore him ? Any input would be apperciated..


THanks

Lynn

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 12:22pm
Hi lyn2unique, I don't think you should contact him. He says he needs space and see other people, 3 days later he needs you again...how immature. You're afraid to get hurt again, you feel you can't trust him at this point, well, i think that right now YOU are the one that needs space to sort out your feelings, reevaluate the relationship, etc. So, wait for the next time he calls or e-mails you and tell him so. Tell him you agree in having some space and space means no contact, that you'll contact him when you feel ready.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 12:38pm
Yes, I'm with the other poster - how convenient for him, to have you still in his life, still willing to help out with his questions, offer support, and be available to getting back together "some day soon," but he has to give you nothing in return. You know you deserve better. I'm sometimes just amazed at how incredibly selfish some people can be, and your guy is no exception - just thinking about himself and his needs. Well, time for you to try a little dose of his medicine - you think about you, put you first, and let him handle his own life for a while on his own. Don't be his safety net, there to help him and support him and pick him up if this "seeing other people" venture doesn't work out for him, you deserve better.
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 3:22pm
Do not talk to him. He made it clear that he wants to see other people. This behavior is disrespectful to your longstanding relationship. I know it may be hard to do but if I were you I would just ignore him. If you absolutely must have contact send him a short email saying that your relationship is now over and that he should seek medical help from paid professionals. You have a right to be not just angry but hurt at the way you have been treated.

Don't feel sorry for him. Stand your ground. Life is too short to be lived in pain and misery. You deserve a man who wants to be with you and is willing to work on a relationship.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 5:09pm
I agree with the other posters, and I would block him from emailing you. What a jerk to say that you *might* get back together when he's done dating others...ugh!!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 6:11pm
Ignore him. I allowed an ex to contact me. We were just going "to be friends." It started with him telling me about his job search or his training or something like that, but each contact pivoted on him and his pain over our breaking up. Then it turned into "You're the only friend I have." Then it turned into threats and anger. I'm not saying your ex will do the same, but I had flashbacks reading your post. He looked for any reason to call or email me. "Hey I found such and such and thought you might like it." Even me responding with "What part of leave me alone do you not get," turned into a reason for him to send me another email telling me how mean I was. A restraining order didn't even stop the emails. Finally, I stopped even telling him to leave me alone and after three unacknowledged emails, I haven't heard a peep from him in over a year.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 6:50pm
::So he's writes me an email yesterday telling me that i am the one for him and that he loves me and doesn't want to be with out me. Well my heart felt a little better but just as the note ended he say's pretty soon. Meaning not now but again after he is done having his fun

So he's stringing you along, keeping you waiting in the wings with false hope, on the back burner so to speak and that is so unfair to you.....because if you were the one for him, he wouldn't have sent you and email, he would have showed up at your door with a ring and proposed.


Carrie

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 7:29pm
I agree with everyone. Don't stay in touch with him. He wanted his space...he can't have his cake and eat it too. If he needs medical advice, tell him to go and see a doctor. That's why they are there. That's is NOT your job.

He needs to figure out what he wants....seems to me he wants to play, but keep you on the back burner for when he finally realizes that YOU are such a great thing...and he's ready for an actual commitment. That is not fair to you hun. Run far far away. I know it's hard. But he's using you. Keep that in mind. He's messing with you right now, and you don't deserve that kind of treatment. No one does!!! Take care of you right now.

hugs,

karen