hindsight is 20/20
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hindsight is 20/20
| Fri, 01-26-2007 - 10:14pm |
Well girls here am i again,spilling my guts...The last 2 weeks & 5 days have been a blur.I don't know who I am anymore.This sucks,BIG time.back story,I chose to be with a man in the midst of a divorce,& custody battle.As far as i know in my heart of hearts ,I was there for him,24/7.For everything.Finacially,spirtually,mind ,body & soul.What i haven't shared is ,he is on a lot of medication.A Lot. The last 6 months were like living with a robot.He has been on 7 different anti depressants since July '06.Finally the last anti depressant he was on made him change.Period.He even "smelled" different.His whole demeanor changed.How could i have subjected myself to someone like that.It's the old classic cliche, i could help him.I could be the one there for him,for everything.Well ,there is no helping him.He is just a very messed up human.I purposley did not date or go out with anyone for 8 years,previous to this "realtionship"if you could even call it that ,I think i was just someone to have sex with & give money to.Believe it or not i think i am moving forward.I finally have come to the realization,it was never about me or us,it was ALWAYS about him.He from day one was always talking about his divorce,His trying to get his daughter away from his "wife",he never referred to her as his "ex",ever.Hello! Wake up! Why didn't i realize that?That the "wife" was crazy,did all these bad things.Now that I have had sometime to reflect on all of this ,I came to the realization,it was Him,that was "crazy" this whole time,not the soon to be ex wife.We Were together for 2 years,talked about marriage,Our babies' names.He thought his divorce was going to be final in Feb.'06 & guess what? ,it has been now set for July '06.I guess he thought i had done my "duty" of being his faithful companion for 2 years,he was now about to be divorced,so he could let me go.I just don't get it I really don't.As much as i look back & think about all of my last 2 years of wasted time & energy,I am glad i don't have to endure any more of all of HIS probelms.I really don't have to ,that chain has left me.Really. I have to keep tellingmyself that.All of my friends & family say I should be grateful to be done with this.& part of me is,Part of me still worries about him,Why?I question,just b/c i'm human & a caring person.He is too messed up on Prescription medication to know what he has lost.I know he posted on Yahoo Personals,the day after we broke up & I want to send a post to tell the next,poor un subsecting (sp?)girl that might go out with him,what he's really all about. The other thing is i bonded with his little girl,for 2 of her 4 years; was there all the time,How did he tell her? I just went away never; to return? That's all on him ,I can't go there. Anyways ,if you read this far,Thanks,This message board is a life saver,Really.

Hi crushedheart,
I hope you are feeling better since you posted....I hope so anyway.
Sometimes we have to save ourselves before we drown with the person we think we can save.
My best to you.