His birthday
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His birthday
| Thu, 05-24-2007 - 7:47pm |
Well, it has been about a week since we broke up and his birthday is tommorrow. I talked to him on Wednesday and when I asked him how he was he said he is "fine", that he made the choice and it'll be hard but he's fine. I am having such a hard time tonight. My feelings are ranging from sadness to anger to feeling ok. Three years of my life and now after another year where I thought we had finally realized we just wanted to be together and he stuns me.......again. This is the third time I've felt these emotions, this horrible pain over him. The third time he's done this to me. This time the reasons are almost exactly what he used the first two times except for now he's added in that his feelings aren't progressing, he's not ready to get married and he doesn't know if he'll ever want to get married. The thing is, things were progressing. He had asked if I wanted to buy a house with him this year. Why would you buy a home with someone if things weren't progressing? I can't even explain how hard it is to date someone who's feelings change like this. Just a few weeks ago we spent the day together for my birthday and had an awesome time. Just a few days before he was telling me how in love with me he is. How can someone shut everything off like that? After three years, how can he find it so easy to walk away? Last year, I planned a surprise party for his 30th birhday. This year, he'll be partying with his friends, minus me. Will he be sad tommorrow? Will he feel like something is missing? Or will he be "fine"? Thank god my friends will be there for me. Thank god I have people in my life to help me through this.

Aww hunny. I wish I could give you a BIG HUG right now. I can relate. My ex and I discussed to the future as well. Actually, HE brought up engagement, etc. Then he dropped a bomb on me and let me go. It really hurts, especially when you envision your life with someone. When it's over, it's hard to picture your future without that person by your side.
My friends have helped me so much, as well as this board. people really DO care here, and if you ever need to vent, post here. As for tomorrow, make plans...hang out with friends. You need a distraction right now. Try not to think about him and what he's doing. I'm sure it'll feel weird to him to not have you there with him, but try not to think about it. Now's the time to put the most important person FIRST - YOU.
Good luck to you!!
XOXO.
Yes I can relate...I know what that is like.
My ex broke up with me in 2004, saying she didn't feel anything...then we got back together a month later and lasted about a year. Then around the same time in 2005, she did it again, and I took her back two months later. Then, from there, we lasted about 2 years, during that time, my daughter and I moved into her house, and we added an addition to the house, another bathroom, bedroom, and family room. I thought we were all set and looking forward to our wedding day on 07/07/2007. Then she does it for the third time...well, my daughter and I move out and find a new place to live...that was three months ago. Now, I feel really great and try not to let it bother me.
You will get through it and thank god you have friends to help.
Have a great day and don't let things like this get to you.
Rob
Well, in my case, now that I am able to look back, she didn't change so much, just like that. There were suttle signs that she wasn't entirely happy. Part of the problem is, we didn't talk when we should have. I would just say, we will talk later, but later never came. Hind site is always 20/20.
Listen to what they are telling you. Make peace that it wasn't what you thought it was and let it go.
The first month and 1/2 with me, I was always crying, always upset, always hopeful that we would be back together someday. My therapist suggested I go take a seminar called the Landmark Forum. I was hesitant and the night before, pretty much not going. The morning of, a wave hit me and I forced myself to go. I AM SO GLAD I WENT. I think I would still be feeling sorry for myself if I did not go. It was the best money I ever spent.
I'm shy and don't like to talk to people but, the first day, the instructor asked if anyone in the audience of 125 people, wanted to come up to the stage and tell their story, somehow, my hand was the only hand up. I don't even know how my hand went up, intervention with god is all I can say.
I spent the next 20 minutes or so, explaining my entire life history to all those people. I just kept going and going, letting it all out. When I was done, the instructor asked the people in the forum, who was touched in some way by Rob's story. When practically every single hand in the place went up, it was like a massive wave hit me. I was like, oh my god, these people are just like me! My enthusiasm just snowballed from there. The next two days, person afer person came up to me during the breaks and congratuated me for going up on stage, and they told me their stories and how it was all connected.
I met at least 20 or more people on that weekend, all extremely nice people and some gave me their phone #'s and said call anytime if you need me.
From that day, I live every day like it's my final day of life. Negativity, I turn around into a positive. I treat everyone I come in contact with, like they are my best friend, even if they are somewhat less than favourable to me.
So far, it has been working so incredibly positive. When you treat someone nice that really doesn't like you, they don't know what to do! It's funny and I get a chuckle out of it, and sometimes it turns around and they then start to like you. It's really great.
I have no hard feelings at all for my ex and I try to get her to like me again. Maybe someday, it will work but, for now, I am enjoying life.
Put your heart into you, and try to be happy all the time, even if, inside, you are not. People only see what's on the outside, if you can fake it good enough...that positive energy outside, will seep into your skin and, before you know it, you will feel good on the inside as well. It really works when you work at it. I know it did for me.
Take care!
Rob