his confusion is confusing me!
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 11-17-2005 - 6:06pm |
I usuallly post in the "relationship saver" section.. but i think this topic is appropriate here...
Here it goes...
Weve been together 8 months...during that time he has broken up with me twice during huge arguments. He says he doesnt want this relationship anymore BUT wants to remain friends, which is a strict NO NO for me...Come on! You arent going to break my heart and expect me to be your friend afterwards...Hell No!
When he insists that we stay friends, I tell him NO, that when he leaves, its for good.. no calls, no emails, nothing. I want no contact. I do this for my own sanity...it hurts way too much to see a guy that I love happy with someone else, getting on with his life without me when I gave him soo much. I need to have complete closure to heal myself.
When it comes time for us to go our seperate ways, he backs down from his decision..says that we can try this one more time, that he was just angry and wants things to change. Because I want things to work, Im happy when it seems that he wants it to work as well.
NOW.... my question here is: Does he back down because he really wants to work things out OR because he is scared to lose me completely?? Because this is the second time this happened and I am confused now. I want to have hope that he wants to work this out, but I dont want to be a fool either...I really love this guy and feel like Im hoping for something that may never happen...
Please advise!!!!!

I'm not sure I understand his reason for breaking up with you. When he lets you go does he sit down and outline the reasons? Or is it just the vague: "Its-not-working-out" "its- not-you-its-me" stuff. In which case let him go. You don't want someone who is 75% interested in you.
On the other hand if there were legitimate reasons like: Our communication is bad, there's no trust etc. then maybe you could talk things out and find strategies to improve your differences.
hi there, i'm not sure why your bf backs down...i'm not sure if anyone can really tell you the "why" on that. the thing you should question, i think is if you're willing to deal with/put up with someone who wants to break up everytime you get into an argument. it seems as though it's a pattern and your relationship is still pretty fresh. i don't think him wanting to break up everytime he's angry is an indication that he doesn't love you or he's not committed, but that he has issues(like we all do)dealing with anger...and i believe people can change if they really want to and take appropriate steps/measures to do so. if this continues, it's not a very good foundation for a healthy relationship. being in a relationship like that is very emotionally draining...i've been there. in my last relationship, it was like that. we were together for 4 years (live for 2) and overall it was a very good relationship, but like many couples you have arguments sometimes over petty things...the problem was that the way i dealt with anger was also to break up, like your bf. no matter how petty the argument was, i always wanted to end things in the moment, and it wasn't because i didn't love my ex, but i realize now that it was my pattern...i learned that from childhood, from my parents' relationship, so i did the same.
i hope things do work out for you..but just make sure that he's not just saying that he wants to work things out, but seriously look into the relationship and see where the problem areas are, and really work on them..sometimes couples say the want to work things out, but that's sometimes where it stays.
good luck.
Carrie
He wants to have his cake and eat it.
It is always a win-win situation for him. At least he is honest about it. My ex faked being my boyfriend for a few months because he knew that once we break up I would disappear from his life and he didn't want that. So, when he felt ready to let me go, he dumped me. That was selfish and horrendous. I felt used. Well I was used to be more specific.
Your boyfriend is going to dump you anyway, so why don't you do it first?, and at least give yourself the satisfaction of not letting him get away with it?. If you notice this message board is full with women who were dumped and not with women who dumped their boyfriends. I think that the reason is that when you are dumped it hurts more. It is an ego thing and it might help you to heal sooner.
iliana