His Ex
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| Sun, 11-06-2005 - 8:46pm |
Hello,
I have been dating a man for five months and everything was going very fine. We got along very well and shared very good times. He is divorced with 3 kids and we have even talked about marriage. I never had a problem with his ex and was never jealous when she calls the children etc. because I understand she will be part of his life due to the fact that she has kids with him. However, he is very honest with me and I was devastated to find out that he councils his ex and gives her advice when she calls up crying about things in her personal life not concerning the kids. I was shocked. I told him that I feel that when a couple breaks up, they should only discuss the kids and nothing personal. He got very defensive and said "This is the mother of my kids and if she has problems I will give her advice and help her". This hurt me very much. I am not an insecure woman. But how would you all feel if you were in my shoes. She calls him crying about things in her personal life and he comforts and gives her advice. We fought about this and because he would not bend and I love him, I accepted that he will comfort her when she is upset.
I was hurt even more when I learned tonight that he has tons and tons of pictures of his ex wife. I told him that I understand him keeping them for the children and he said he is not keeping them for the children, he is keeping them for himself. I was shocked! I told him I didn't feel comfortable with that and he said "Too bad. she is the mother of my kids and has helped me through hard times and if you have a problem with that, leave us alone." I am so hurt right now I'm crying as I type this. I am not a jealous woman at all. He even tells me I'm one of the most patient understanding women he has met.
Please tell me, am I being insecure? If he is discussing marrying me or being in a long term relationship with me, should he be comforting his ex-wife and keeping so many pictures of her. what hurts me most is the fact that he gets very angry at me when I say anything about his ex. He gets VERY defensive and quickly lets me know if I have a problem with her then I can leave.
I very well understand and I am ok knowing that he has to have contact with her because of the kids. But is his actions too much? If I am wrong in my feelings please let me know and I will be happy to correct myself. I love him very much but I feel like I'm competing with his ex-wife. I'm so crushed that I don't know what to do. He says he is over her and that he only loves me but do you think that he still loves her and is not over her? They have been divorced 3 years.
Please advise me.
Thanks in advance
