His heart split in two?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2006
His heart split in two?
1
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 4:41am

I felt happy and safe in our relationship even if we went through hard times during our last year together. We were almost together for three years. He really assured me how much he loved me that he wanted me to be his wife and the mother of his kids. He swore he couldnt live without me. Well during december of 2005 He decided we should try to be friends to see how that would help us fix our arguing problems during that last few months. I agreed thinking oh we would get back together. Our love is too strong. We kept seeing each other as friends, and had sex a couple of times in January. During this time he had met someone else: which turned into his girlfriend around february he said he would give her a chance. And so until recently: i expressed my true feelings to him telling him my love forh im was still there and that I cried everynight thinking about him and it hurt me to see him with her after all he promised me when we were together. When I told him I loved him on the phone he weeped and said i love u too. That its not me thats its him. That he doesnt know wat to do. He then came over: and told me that he had moved on with this girl that they had gotten close, that they even opened up an account together with plans for the future. That he felt he loved her the same way he loved me? How is this possible? Could this be true. Well I did cry like I never cried in my life that day but it didnt really seem to matter to him. I prayed hed let us try to work things out again. He first said that he would stay with her because he couldnt just walk out on her like that. but then he decided to break up with her because he simply didnt know wat to do. And so hes now alone and says he needs time to think..

I really love him but should i keep stressing over this?
I mean he says if we got back togehter now he would be too stressed and he wouldnt be the same man he used to be with me. That he wouldnt be happy.
Ive been really stressed, havent eating, or left the bed for long. Im so lost.
I need him in my life. He says there might be a chance for us in the future but that its just not promised. That he would work things out on his own.

The day after he left me with his decision: I did show up to his house lol. I was miserable it was wrong but I was lost and I needed somewhere to go. He didnt show any affection which hurts me but he says he couldnt lead me on by doing this.

He has called me everyday since this happened which shows me he still cares for me.
He disconnected his cell phone and just today called me from a pay phone to see how i was doing. He said look i havent called her but I needed to see how u were doing. That she had called his cell 29 times after he left her house with the big news of the breakup. Ofcourse she blamed things on me But i can care less.

Question is should I move on which i know i should cuz I cant sit around and wait for something that is not promised or should I keep fighting for his love when hes still telling me he has love for me but expect nothing from him right now. Im confused. Right now im with open arms for him whenever he decides to work things out with me. But Im confused how can he love us both. Could this be possible.

ps. im 20 years old hes 26.. could a guy this age really be confused about who he really loves?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 10:52am

Well I think you know in your heart of hearts what you should do, just based on this line: "Question is should I move on which i know i should cuz I cant sit around and wait for something that is not promised"

In my opinion, I don't think you should sit around and wait on his wishy washy feelings. Because you know what can happen? You 2 can get back together and things will be fine, and then he decides one day he also misses the other girl and gets back with her. If he's that confused, it's liable to happen. (not saying it's a guarantee, but...)

If you've been on this board at all for a while, you'll see the only way you can really deal with this is by having no contact (NC). Keeping in contact with him- taking his calls- is just going to reopen the wound. It's very hard because the only thing you want is to hear from him or talk to him, but it'll just stall your progress.

You say you have "open arms for him" right now, but what you should really do is take care of yourself. If he has issues and is confused then let him deal with them on his own. Don't let him dictate your day with his on again/off again feelings for you. You're going to have to start taking care of yourself- read books (many are suggested on here), surround yourself with good friends, keep yourself busy.

I had the same question you did - how can he love 2 women? with my ex. And yes, a guy at 26 can really be that confused (my ex is 26, I'm 31). I think guys at 46 can be that confused. I really don't understand how they can feel that kind of love for 2 women; maybe it's just the attention they enjoy. A bit of the male ego at work... look, I can get 2 women to fall all over me.

Take care of yourself and know that we are here for you!