His Mom wants to stay in touch

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
His Mom wants to stay in touch
5
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 3:24pm

My ex broke up with me a little over 4 months ago. I am still having a lot of trouble getting over it. We were together for 2 years and were supposed to move across country together in Jan. But then he said he had a knot in his stomach when thinking about committing to me. He lives upstairs from me, which makes things all the more difficult (I trying desperately to move, but right now, I can't- it is out of my control at this point). Two weeks ago I asked him to stop contacting me for a few moths. No more calls or emails or check-ins. He told me that he understands, that he still loves me(which just makes me sick) and that his mother wants to keep in touch with me, which is what I guess I am asking advice about now. She has not contacted me at all, and all of a sudden she wants to "maintain a friendship" with her son's broken hearted ex? We get along really well, she is an incredible person, but do you think that agreeing to this will hold me back from moving on?

Thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 4:26pm

Welcome to the board bridge73,


::but do you think that agreeing to this will hold me back from moving on?


I think it depends on how much effort is really made in maintaining the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 4:39pm

Hugs to you. I know how this feels, very much the same. I too at am month 4 after a two-year relationship with a man I loved more than anything. He broke up with me because he didn't know what he wanted and was afraid we'd gone as far as we were to go. He too cried and told me he loved me. We have not been in contact throughout. The day after we broke up I emailed his mom because I had to cancel plans I'd made with her. She and I were close and I really enjoyed her and her family, being with them at holidays and birthdays, especially since my family lives out of state. She was shocked and surprised by the breakup (as was I and everyone else around us) and emailed back that she thought I was wonderful and wished me the best and wanted to stay in touch if I did. That she was so sorry and that their family was very saddened, that I knew her son well enough to know he was being tightlipped about everything, and she was sorry about all of it. I wrote back that I would want to be in touch and had valued her friendship and kindness and would miss her and their family, but that I understood if she was not comfortable with being in touch right now.

We have not emailed since then. I kind of just left it up to her. She has my email address and phone number and my mailing address. I haven't heard from her, but her son and I aren't in touch. I know she has kept in touch with a couple ex girlfriends before me, but they had stayed in touch with her son. Now that he and I aren't in contact she probably does not feel right about being in contact with me. Which I understand.

This is hard, losing more and more people because of the breakup. I have lost a lot of people and it is especially hard when it is family uo may have pictured being a part of one day.

I would either let her make a first step or send her an email or note saying you appreciate her friendship and want to be in touch if she'd like to and leave it at that. It may be harder for you to deal with in the beginning. It may be something where you may need a few more months before you are ready.

Hang in there. I know how hard it is to be "broken up" with the family of the ex, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 6:20pm

Hmmm. Or you always have the right to ask for a few months alone to sort out your feelings. She might remind you of your ex too much at the moment. But do tell her that you'd be more than happy to keep corresponding with her down the road when you feel farther along the healing process. I"m sure she'd understand.

cheers,

Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 1:14am
ok so my ex and i broke up almost 6 months ago after 2 years. his fam and i were extremely close. his sister told me she still wanted to stay in touch and i told her i needed some time. she still to this day does a lot of calling, texting, emails etc. she has 100% proven to me how much she really does care and has worked very hard to maintain a friendship outside of her brother and i. I say leave it in her hands. ur the one broken hearted and if she knows u then she def. will understand that. its hard when it comes to moms and ex girlfriends. theres a loyalty to there sons that cant be broken but if she means it then she will show u.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 9:06am
I think I can make a rule about not talking about that with her. And you are right, she may not even go through with it. I guess there is no use getting worked up about it if she hasn't been in touch yet. Thanks so much for all of you responses. It is good to know I am not the only one going through this.