His Stuff

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
His Stuff
3
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 6:09pm
I need more advice. My ex left a few things at my apartment, nothing really major. A couple of days after we broke up I thought of returning them to him. I was going to let myself into his building with the keys he gave me and then just leave everything, along with the keys, hanging on his front door. I decided against that because letting myself into his building seemed creepy. Then I thought of contacting his mother and asking her if I could leave his stuff with her. I was also thinking of returning all the gifts he gave me. There weren't many and I don't want to just throw them out. What should I do?

Should I just throw everything in a bag and throw it out? If he hasn't asked for it back he obviously doesn't care about it. (I left a couple of things at his place, a pair of pants I really like and a sweater. I asked him to leave them on my door during the week but he never did. I'm not going to ask for them.) Should I just put everything in a bag and put it somewhere out of sight in case he ever asks for it back? Should I donate it to a charity?

Or should I go the mother route? I really liked his mom, and I miss her. I'm curious what if anything he has told her about me, and I would sort of like to contact her. So I'm really asking two questions here: one is about his mom and the other is about his stuff. What do you all think?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: iamdelightful
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 6:14pm
I would put his stuff in a bag and put it in the back of your closet or otherwise out of sight. If he hasn't asked for it back in, say, six months, then throw it out or give it away.

Returning gifts is not a cool thing to do; it's unnecessary and hurtful (I've been on the receiving end of that and it really stung). Either get rid of the stuff or put it away for the time being.

As for his mom, if you want to establish a separate relationship with her, fine, but I wouldn't contact her for a while...until you're well on your way to being over him. I am friends with one of my ex's mom's now but I had to have no contact with her for a while, because she would talk about him every time we got together and it was impeding my progress.

Sheri

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: iamdelightful
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 6:26pm
Thanks for the advice, Sheri. I did return gifts once, a couple of really beautiful and expensive gifts. The person had really hurt me and I wanted to hurt him too. My ex didn't really give me anything valuable or expensive so there's no reason I can't just get rid of it or throw it in the back of my closet. Thanks for your advice.

The mother thing is harder because I really have the inclination to tell her that we broke up. I'm not sure he has told her yet. And I'd really like her to know. But I guess that wouldn't really be good either because it would probably make him resentful. I guess I just have to walk away, right? If he wants to contact me, if he wants to be with me, he'll find his way back. Nothing I say or do (or don't say or do) will keep him away if he decides he must be with me, right?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: iamdelightful
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 6:30pm
You know the answer to that.

Sheri