Holding on-deep down inside

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Holding on-deep down inside
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 3:05pm

I don't know, I thought I was doing so well. I was being strong and confident. I was acting like our break up didn't bother me (mostly just to make myself feel better I think). Well he called me a few times last week and I didn't return the calls. I drove 7 hrs to my parents house this past weekend and he did call me 2x Friday to tell me to be careful. Of course, even though I try not to b/c I know better, deep down I was hoping that he'd call me over the weekend too. NOPE he didn't. He called me 2x yesterday and i didn't answer nor did I return the call. He called me 2x today and after the 2nd time, I did call him back. Now I'm asking myself WHY? That was soooo stupid b/c he didn't really want to talk to me, and I knew that before I even called but I guess I was still hoping.
so what did he want you ask? (keep in mind that we have an apt togehter but he's been staying at his friends house to be away from me)
He said that he wants me to clean the refrigerator b/c it looks like someone died in it. He wants me to rent a carpet shampooer and clean the carpet (he'll pay for 1/2).
Now granted I am the one staying there right now but he still technically lives there and so does his lazy mooch of a brother who's in the spare room living rent free for 7 mths now unemployed and not trying to get employed either. he sleeps all day... basically he's a loser and noone seems to care but me. Sooo why can't his brother help out.
He also said he called to see how I was and what was going on b/c he hadn't hard from me. HELLOOOOO, YOU BROKE UP WITH ME IDOT!! Granted I would love to talk to him but why inthe world would I call him.

Gosh I can't stand him (but yet I love him, or better yet I love the thought of him and what he was 4 yrs ago when we just met)
I wish i could stop hoping that he'll change his mind and come crawling back wanting to be a better person/boyfriend.

so, now I'm real sad again.