holding on to what hurts

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
holding on to what hurts
3
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 9:19am
Gosh, I keep wondering why it was so hard for me to break of with my bf of 10 months , 2 months ago........he was a jerk. But why did I want to stay with him? Its confusing. parts of me still want to hold on to him..which is more confusing. sometimes I wonder if he thinks about me or mises me.....he has a new gf , he has been with her since we were together..yeah, he cheated. He has obvioduly moved on.........but he called me. Why? i try to figure out why. I secretly hope that his new relationship is in trouble.......or that he might want me back. I have so many twisted thoughts. I was strong....to end things. It hurt so much , it still does. I keep thinking about him all this week..even though he hurt me so much. even though I broke up with him 2 months ago. Why do I keep thinking about him..I have tried to start loving myself again by doing the things that make me happy.shopping, exercising, being eith people I care about and vice versa......I am in my 3rd year of college and i am doing well.....I made some new friends........but he still lingers in my thoughts. i want to stop thinking about him. i hate that I think about him, like what he is doing or something...i feel like he still has a grip in me....I am afraid that i will think about him so much that I will be distracted from my life....I am trying to heal but its...hard. Does anyone feel this way? How do you deal with this?
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 12:44pm
I understand the way you feel, and yes, it is hard, but we do heal. It just takes everyone a different amount of time. What you're going through is perfectly normal. It takes some people more time to heal than others. Two months doesn't really seem like a long time to me. Ten months is a rather long relationship, and you can build up a lot of hopes and memories in that time ...

It sounds like you're doing all the right things to help you get over him though. The fact that you're doing well in school is good. The fact that you've made new friend is good too.

I think it's normal for you to continue thinking of him. One day you'll find the thoughts are gone and shortly after you may find love again.

I think breakups are particularly hurtful when betrayal is involved. You loved and trusted this man, and he cheated on you, he betrayed your trust. That can be a hard thing to get over. But be thankful that you had the courage to end it and move on. Be proud of yourself for that. And resist temptation to go back. If he calls you, don't answer his call. Or tell him it's over and hang up. Do you think you could do that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 1:47pm
I totally understand how you feel...yet I still don't know how to answer your question(s) :( My ex and I ended things over 4 months ago, yet I still think of him daily and wonder how he's doing, what he's up to, etc. We still haven't fully established the "no-contact" rule...I regret to say that I've tried to contact him several times after the breakup and vice versa (usually when he's drunk/bored). I know that the best, most healthy thing for me to do is to let him go completely...but I can't stand the thought of never talking to him again...or worse, him forgetting me. He has a new girlfriend (and yes, he cheated on me), but I still want him to be a part of my life, even if it's just as a friend. For some reason, the few good things about him seem to outweigh all the bad. I am always wondering if he's going to txt/IM/call, etc...or if he's thinking of and missing me as much as I do him. However, I'm slowly starting to realize that no matter how much I hate to admit it, or how much false hope he gives me...he doesn't truly care and is only holding me back. Over time, you will realize that too...until then, good luck! You deserve so much better. Remember...there was a reason you two didn't work out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 7:07pm
I am coming from the other side, I cheated in the beginning! It was a year ago that it happened and the demise of our relationship! It is so hard to deal with, not only did I lose him, but I have myself to blame. I tried to earn his trust back for an entire year, but he just can't forgive me. If it weren't for that I truly believe we would have been together forever : ( It hurts the most that I hurt someone I love and care about the most... needless to say I am in therapy.