Holiday Blues? Or what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2006
Holiday Blues? Or what?
3
Thu, 11-23-2006 - 11:00am

I have known my boyfriend for about 6 years - I went to college during that time and dated other people. My last year (I graduated this June) we dated. Our relationship was a little over a year. It was basically a long distance relationship for more than half of it. I am 22 and he is 31. I have moved home and am living with my parents to get myself situated and start my life. Life is Fresh right now... I recently was having some doubts and weird feelings about the relationship. We talked about marriage and living together etc. But when we finally committed to moving in together - i freaked out - and I noticed a major change in how i was feeling. I thought I was falling out of love with him.

We haven't been broken up for long, more like a week, and last night he cried to me and told me that he just realized that I wasn't in love with him, but I wanted to lay there with him and hug him - I even kissed him on the cheek a few times (WHAT?!) it felt so natural. I feel terrible. I occassionally cry and get that sick stomach thing. He planned a weekend get-away this weekend and he is still going to go -- the weird thing is that it feels so normal and natural to want to go with him.

The other thing is that I don't know if I am still in love with him, or I miss the idea of him, or if it's just the holiday spirit that has me. I miss him, i know that, but the idea of going out and living my life first before living it with someone is also of interest to me.

I've never really posted before. But he's my best friend and I care for him. Any advice/stories/suggestions = would be so welcome.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Thu, 11-23-2006 - 11:48am

Sorry to hear you're sad. :(

Nearly 10 years difference in age is a lot of time between you. My recent x was 10 years younger than I and it just made a lot of difference in our outlook on life. He, and you, are young and have a whole lot of experiences ahead of you. Personally, I'm glad I didn't settle down with my first boyfriend (I was 21). I loved him a lot, but I've come such a long ways since then, that I'm not even the same person. I would have felt held back if I had stayed.

Regardless of whether you were close or had a long-distance relationship, a lot of feelings develop and it's very natural to have second thoughts and sadness no matter what the situation is. You feeling sad doesn't mean you made the wrong decision, it just means you care for him and the relationship.

Just hang in there and in time you'll know if you made the right decision or not. In the meantime, it's better to let him know and let him move on so he doesn't get hurt unnecessarily. Honesty is always the best policy, I believe.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-23-2006 - 1:58pm

amerella23...

Pianoguy is willing to bet that you're feeling 'emotional letdown' from the holiday season...coupled with the fact you're going through a few personal "life changes" right now?

Maybe you can indicate to your EX that A GOOD CLOSE FRIENDSHIP is the one element the 2 of you will ALWAYS have in common? This way...if he expects something more from you...he'll have to try and make a relationship-attitude adjustment!

YOU apparently have made that type of adjustment already?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 10:28am

Is it possible to take a step back from the relationship and maybe date each other casually and see where things go from there?

Myspace Codes