Honest? or........??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2007
Honest? or........??
8
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 11:25pm
Hi... i've been talking to this wonderful guy for 3 months via the internet and we've had a couple very intimate weekends together the most recent 2 weeks ago. We live a few hours apart and he has his kids every other weekend, so do I.
Everything was going great, and we were talking about seeing each other again.. then Valentines day came. He e-mailed me that he'd had a crazy night. I knew he was going to visit his kids, but he ended up visiting his ex live in girlfriend. they talked for a few hours and decided to see if they still had feelings for each other. He wrote me a couple of long detailed e-mails and explained that he wants to make sure this relationship is over.. my question is... Is this the new line of the day? I mean, i don't honestly think he would have to come up with something so elaborate. And i never made him feel that we were exclusive. So.. i'm just curious and confused. He's a very sweet guy, one i'd love to spend more time with if the opportunity arose. Help.. i'm floundering......


Edited 2/16/2007 11:29 pm ET by new2datingagain
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 12:45am

Hi new2datingagain and welcome to the board.


Ah, meeting someone on the internet is not necessarily a bad thing, but it's very easy to share deep, intimate, emotional information and start a 'bond'.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2007
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 1:48am

Thank you for answering me... so what would be your thoughts? He seems very genuine, and caring... and of course i would want him to make sure he's done with her before starting something long term with me.

I really could use help here....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2007
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 2:52am
I guess i should explain a bit more. He's 48 and i'm 47. She was the woman that he lived with after his divorce 2 years ago. I"m not sure on all those details as we really talked more about the most recent girlfriend, break up 8 months ago. Which he assured me was over. I wanted to make sure of that. I didnt' dream that something that long ago would come and bite me on the tush.
So... we were planning another weekend, and he was going to spend time with his kids on Valentines Day evening. I guess.. what he told me was, something just came over him and he decided to get in touch with her. Which.. the next day he explained to me in great length. I guess im wondering.. if he didnt' have feelings for me, why bother with explaining? I live 2 hours away, it's not like i'm a huge problem. We havent' even known each other that long.. so why go to all this trouble? I believe he was being honest with me...
But what is there to gain? Oh.. and she IS moving out of state in a few months. He said he wants to make sure that the relationship has gone it's course, either they are together, or not. I'm searching... i tend to be too trusting and too understanding, i just need some outside advice.. I really like him a lot. I know that sounds dumb at our age.. but, it's true.
Thanks for your imput!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 12:56pm

I think all you can do is say to him, well I hope things work out as you want them to, of course I'm disappointed as I enjoyed the time we spent together, but if things don't work out with her, I hope you'll give me a call. And then move on because there's obviously no guarantee he'll call again (and of course it could just be an excuse).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2007
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 1:16pm
Thanks Shari,
That's pretty much what i've done. I left the door open, but wished him well. I guess we'll see...??? So hard, it's the first time i've cried so hard that i couldn't breathe. He's just an amazing guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 1:20pm

Hi new2datingagain,


I have to say I agree with Sheri.


One thing you said: "and of course i would want him to make sure he's done with her before starting something long term with me"


"break up 8 months ago. Which he assured me was over."


So he really hooked up with you via the internet

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2007
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 1:41pm

Wow, thanks so much, i hadn't really looked at it that way at all.

Yes we met via the internet, but... we actually met in person within 3 weeks. So since the Beginning of Dec. we've been getting closer. We talked about many things and it seemed right after New Years he really had a slump. Wasn't sure what it was, but now i know. He said he'd been struggling with this for a while,but was trying to rationalize it and move on.

I woke up in the middle of the night with some clarity myself. I realized that even if she wasn't part of this equasion until Valentines she was there emotionally. Which, cleared up many questions i had. Some things like when he'd seem to pull back made more sense to me.

I can see how that would effect him if that's the case. It's great to see things through someone elses eyes, especially when it's constructive.

Thanks again :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 1:47pm

You are welcome.