Hoping he comes back!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2006
Hoping he comes back!
4
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 12:53pm
I feel like I really want to call my ex, I dont even think of him as my ex, i still think of him as my bf. We were together for 3 years, he broke up with me b/c he wasnt sure about marriage, he said it had to click and if it hadnt clicked now it wouldnt click. We had alot of discussions over me trying to get him to say i was the one and he never could. We wwould talk about marriage and he would make comments about our future, but finally 6 days ago he said he needed to spend time with himself and his family. His brother had a medical problem and I guess he felt i was an outsider. Finally he said he didnt want to lose me but it wasnt fair to me that he should know by now. I did so many things wrong and I feel like I just want his back. I was so immature in the beginning of our relationship, so needy and clingy, that this probably made it hard for him to realize I was the one. I did so many things wrong and I just want him back
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 3:36pm

hi lamago

i do understand your situation right now...its very hard esp if you really love the guy right and get used that his around and one thing you know his gone.

but stop blamming yourself. like in the beginning of your relationship like you mention theres already conflict. i mean its very natural esp if you have bad experience in your previews relationship right. those days are very top. both of you trying to develop trust feelings and everything.

about his problem with his family. i know most of the guys are like that they cannot deal TWO THING at the same time. not like us girl IN REALITY CHECK we could deal with different staff at same time COMPARE WITH MANS.

SO RIGHT NOW JUST RESPECT HIS DECISION LET HIM REALIZE YOUR VALUE. COZ YOU GUYS BEEN DATING FOR 3YRS SO I DONT THINK HE WONT MISS YOU AT ALL.

COZ LOOK IF YOU STILL BE AROUND HIM NOW AND HIS CONFUSED. YOU MIGHT MAKE YOUR SITUATION WORST.

SO IF YOU GIVE HIM SPACE AND THINK....I BET YOU HE WILL CALL YOU BACK...TRUST ME!!!

SO JUST RELAX AND MAKE YOUR DAY BUSY. I KNOW IS EASY TO SAY BUT ITS HARD TO DO IT. JUST REMEMBER...IN EACH SITUATION, WE DO WHAT WE CAN AND LEAVE THE REST UP TO GOD. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2006
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 5:01pm
Its so hard, because I know his family situation is something that drove him to make the decision. But we had talked about seperating many times before because he just wasnt sure, he thought he should know and he just wasnt sure. All my friends say what you do, to give him time to think. I have managed not to call him for 6 days, but everyday is the same I go up and down and down.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 5:40pm
Hi Lamago. Sending hugs your way. I know exactly how you feel! My ex broke up with me almost 2 months ago for the same reasons. He wasn't sure if I was the one for him, he wanted to be fair to me and not be with me if he wasn't sure. Basically he said he was really confused about what he wanted. For the past two months we would talk maybe once or twice a week, even see each other. I know a lot of people would disagree with me doing that, but I did it anyway. It was hard not to see and be with him! We would always have fun but the conversation always ended up with me asking why (even though I already knew) and wanting him back. And he would always go back to his speech about being confused and not knowing if I'm the one for him, etc, etc. He said that even though we weren't officially together, it was hard for him to think because we kept seeing each other. It was kind of like things never changed. he wanted his space but I admit, i was afraid to give it to him because i didn't want him to forget about me or get over me (pathetic I know). I even blamed myself like you did saying that I need to change things about me. He said that there was nothing I need to change. It wasn't all those little annoying things that broke us up. I do know that I want to change things about myself but looking back, I know I want to change them for ME, not him. Seeing and talking to him, as much as I loved it, was really messing with my head. I've done a lot of soul searching and decided not to talk to him for a while. I know that I lost myself in the relationship. Every free time I had I wanted to spend with him. I hardly went out with my friends anymore. Didn't have too many hobbies, all I did was work and see him! Yeah, not good I know! And I always promised myself that I wouldn't turn into "that" girl. But there I was. I depended on him too much. And him breaking up with me I thought that something must be wrong with me!! I still love my ex with all my heart. I know he still loves me. I still want him back. But last night we had a really good conversation. I told him that just as much as he wants time to figure things out and work on himself, I need to do the same thing. Because seeing him only hurt more and I wasn't healing. We agreed to have no contact for one month. In one month, if and only if he is ready, we are going to meet at a specific spot at a certain time. I told him if he wasn't ready, not to show up. If he doesn't show up then I'll know that we weren't meant to be and I know in a month I'll have started to move toward a place where I'm happy concentrating on myself and getting my life back and not living it for some guy. I want to be happy. If he does show up, who knows? Maybe at that point I won't even want to be with him!! I just figure we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Even though it's only been one day, I feel good about my decision. The last things we said to each other was that we loved each other and "until then..."
I'm sorry I rambled on and on. My advice is that if you love him, give him his space. Give him time to think and be with his family. I promise you he won't forget you. And take this space and do something good for you! Not giving him his space will only prolong the hurt and maybe even make him really not want to be with you! Not to sound rude or anything! I sound all optimistic now, and I'm sure that'll change.I feel like a big weight has been lifted because I was so busy thinking about him, spending time with him and analyzing everything that he said/did, wanting to get back together. But now I can concentrate on just me. Love myself again.Build up that self confidence because I know I was lacking in that! I can keep busy with work, be with my friends, do things and surround myself with people that make me feel good about who I am! I'll have my good days and bad days but I know that I have a place to turn to for all the support I need. Keep posting and keep us updated! If you want I'll give you my e mail address so we can talk some more. Hang in there girl! I know it's hard and we're here for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2006
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 6:25pm

lilij5,

Thanks for telling me your story, I keep thinking I want to call him, that i dont want to lose my best friend. Now I see how it can be hard either way, I wish you the best. I would like to keep in contact, the worst part is that we would email almost every day and now nothing. We were really doing great before this happened, if only I had been more patient not brought it up. After he broke it off, it was hard for me not to call and he did call me once. Ive gone over every word we said a thousand times, my friends are tired of hearing it im sure. I only feel better when I think he's coming back, but isnt this setting myself up for more trouble? Anyhow, he did make a comment about it being hard to think with us still talking, but I kept calling. Then he said we both tried and it just didnt work. That we shouldnt try to be friends because it was unrealistic, that we couldnt plan to meet or talk someday because we would both just be waiting for that day to come.