Hoping for some advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Hoping for some advice...
2
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 9:16am

Here is my question:

What do you do when you have met the one for you, but due to circumstances beyond either of your control you have to break up. How do you deal with it? How and when do you decide to move on? Is it bad to still have hope?

Here's my situation: have been with a loving, affectionate, respectful, faithful, incredible man for the past couple of years. It has been a great relationship. But his job forces him to move away for the next 2 years; I'd see him maybe once or twice a month for at least half of those two years, and our phone calls would be late at night, brief, and probably not every day. (PS- I have NO DOUBT he is faithful). That's not enough contact for me, and I know we both feel a lot of pressure in our relationship because of this. We have thought of every possible way around this, including him leaving his job (which I would never, NEVER want him to do--he worked his whole life for this job and I love him too much to ask him to give up something so important to him). So we decided to break up. Neither of us doubt our love for each other, and I think we see it as breaking up now to save any relationship we might have in the future (instead of breaking up in 6 months when we are bitter and resentful).

Of course we both still want to get married, and are in love with each other. We speak a lot, mostly just about daily life, but like we were best friends. I'm not sure what is healthy to do: give each other space? (i think neither of us wants that), keep talking as friends? i'm not ready to date yet as it's only been a couple of weeks but i also dont want to find myself waiting for him. I know we made the right decision in breaking up because we both feel much more peaceful, although we are very sad. He is my ideal man in every way, and I don't want to lose an opportunity to be with him in the future. Especially because I know we both made the decision to end our relationship for the most selfless of reasons: because we did not want to hurt the other person more down the road.

I know this was long, but any advice about this would be helpful--I've been in a few relationships before but I'm only in my mid-20's and this was certainly the most serious, the most healthy, and the most loving and selfless. I want to do the right thing for him, myself, and our relationship with each other (be it romantic, friendship, or nothing).

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 9:29am
Hey, sweetgirlaj, as a mom of grown boys, I think it's cool and SO MATURE of you to break up for awhile. If you are each happy with yourselves, then maybe your relationship will move on to the next level after the two years. If it doesn't, you will have grown as a person and be fine no matter what the outcome. Don't stop being friends with him....keep him in your life as long as he wants to be....but only if each of you feel comfortable doing so. I've been through some hard times, and as long as I felt good about myself, I was okay, even though it took a long time for the hurt to heal. But life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured, so hang out with friends, work hard, put some money away, and you'll be prepared for whatever comes along, K?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 7:32am
Thank you so much for the input and the good advice...I know everything will be ok but it's a day-by-day thing and your words were very helpful so thanks :)