Horrible weekend - "broke up" Sunday

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Horrible weekend - "broke up" Sunday
2
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 9:59am

Well, my story is a long one. I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now. He's 33 and i'm 28. I know that doesn't seem that long, but we kind of had one of those whirlwind-things where everything went so fast and we just fell really in love really quick. Anyway, a couple of months ago, we had 2 major things happen in our relationship at the same exact time. I have a seizure disorder that keeps me on medicine that is known to make you gain weight. I've been on it since i'm about 12. I haven't had a seizure since 2000. Anyway, back right around when I met scott, I had a problem with my medicine and they had to increase my dose. This made me gain a little weight. I'm only 5ft to begin with, so every pound lost or gained is seen. That's when our sex life started to become little to nothing... Anyways, he then confided in me that he was addicted to vicodin and that I was the only person who knew, he'd never told anyone, not even his best friend, and he was on it for about 2 years. He was now going for help because he said he saw a future with me, and because I was going to the doctor to change my medicine because you can't have kids on it, and he said he wanted to be honest with me, etc etc etc... So he detoxed under a dr's supervision by taking suboxone. He's now tapering off of that, he's on 1/2 pill and almost completely clean. I was blaming his meds for the "no sex drive", but now he's on 1/2 pill and over the weekend he told me "the spark is just gone"... He's very contradictory though, because he keeps saying "I keep falling more and more in love with you every day, that's not the issue. I love you very much jacki"... I know it's not somebody else, because that's just not how scott is. Not to mention i'm with him alot of the time. He had pictures of us all over the house and pictures of me in his office. He says the title of "boyfriend/girlfriend" is causing him too much pressure and why can't we just keep doing things the way we're doing them, without the title and just see what happens... I dont know what to do. I love him very much and dont want to lose him. He says he doesn't want to lose me either, but this hurts. He says he needs time and space (the old space thing)... It's weird because right after this happened he took me to see a movie. Then yesterday we hung out and watched fireworks. I dont know. Very confusing... How do you go from being madly passionate with someone to having no interest physically in them in less than 6 months??? Unless it really is the meds.... Any input would be appreciated, as i'm feeling really bad right now... thanks, and sorry for the long post...

Jacki

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 10:41am

Hi Jacki,

I'm sorry you're going through this. Men can be so selfish and insensitive sometimes. The guy is probably going through a rough time getting off the meds however it doesn't give him the right to string you along. That's exactly what he is doing when he confesses his love for you one day and the next day he wants his space. The only true way to know if he is in love with you is to let him go. Give him the space he needs and don't continue to see him or sleep with him. I know it's hard to do and you're afraid that if you step out of the picture some other woman will scoop him up, but what's the alternative?. If you decide to keep on seeing him on his terms right now, he will be using you and end up losing all respect for you. Trust me I was willing to stay with my child's father even though he couldn't commit to me and my guy ended up cheating on me. Don't let this happen to you.

By the way, to answer your question about going from being madly passionate about someone to feeling nothing is six months is called lust. The first few months after you meet someone is great. It's new and exciting. Once the lust part ends, the real tell/tale signs of whether or not you are compatible start to come out.

Alison

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 7:10pm
I'm sorry you had such a crappy weekend!!
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