How to accept the situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2006
How to accept the situation?
2
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 8:26am
I have recently just been going through a break-up after a four year long distance relationship. It's been two months and I have tried to be so strong. I wanted a commitment from him and basically he went the other way the more I pushed. So I let me go and figured if it was real it would come back. I've been so patient and only wanted something done about the long distance situation. I don't believe he wanted things to end but he is the most stubborn person I know. He also doesn't like to be told what to do.
He says he can not give me what I want right now. Work comes first for him now and he is not ready to leave it yet. I feel if he loves me then he should want to make me happy and should want to do something about the distance. He is constantly moving and doesn't want me to have to move around with him. We still talk as friends but I feel like I am still waiting for him. He is not asking me to wait. Every time we talk we keep it as friends. I try not to call but we usually end up talking once a week. I want to talk to him because he's been my best friend for four years now. However, at the same time I want him to realize what he is loosing. I don't know what to do or how to understand the situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 10:20am

Sorry to hear your pain. :(

Sadly, one of the most difficult things is to really absorb things from other people's point of view. It sucks, but sometimes people don't want to be with us for certain reasons, and we just have to accept that. Timing is sometimes off, people lose their feelings, whatever it is.

Here's one way of looking at the situation: you will be more attractive to this guy and have a better chance, if he is ever going to change his mind, if you AGREE with him and move on. He's been pretty clear about what he wants, now give it to him and let him see if it's REALLY what he wants. If it is, you will be ok, no matter how much it hurts. In fact, you will be better off finding someone who wants you now, as you are. If he realizes he made a mistake, it will only come from him missing you, and he can't do that while you are there.

So just try accepting it, and not contacting him anymore, and admitting this is a break-up. That's your best chance for everything: getting yourself back, moving on, and him seeing if he really made the right decision.

Most of all, don't let him think you are waiting. You know that ex you've had that always was willing to wait for you? You let him wait forever right? Don't let this guy think you'll wait, it's just painful for you and doubtful will make him miss you since he's got you forever.




Edited 11/3/2006 11:22 am ET by devuchka

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2006
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 12:22pm
Thank-you so much for taking the time to help me understand. I am trying my hardest to let go of what I am holding on so tight to. I know I can live without him.. it's just that I don't want too. However, I also know that hard to get can be a necessary part of getting him back. I guess taking a break now could be good for us in the long run. If he's willing to let me go.. then why would I want to stick around.