How to be friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
How to be friends
5
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 6:36pm
Some of you may have read my earlier posts - I was dating a guy for about two months when he decided he wanted to go back to his ex-fiance to try and work things out. I was and still am upset because there was nothing really wrong with our relationship up to that point. He just realized he wasn't over her and wanted to get back with her. Since then we've exchanged a few emails and have decided that we'll try and be friends, somehow.

I read alot of posts in here from women about how they broke up with their exs because they were mean or not treating them right. Being friends with these exs is always out of the question or "easier" because these exs were never good to them to begin with.

My question is this: if there was nothign really wrong with the relationship, how does one remain friends? I'm finding it so difficult to keep in touch with him. It's like having a friend you have feelings for and you can't express any of these emotions. It's so difficult. Any kind of support or advice would really help.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jaded74
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 7:11pm
Take some time apart with no contact to get over your romantic feelings for him, then reconnect as platonic friends. When the thought of him gushing to you on the phone about his ex turned girlfriend doesn't upset you, you'll know you're ready to be friends.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: jaded74
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 2:11am
I would have no contact with him at all...you dated for two months....you had feelings for him and he want back to his ex....if you were his ex would you want your fiance to be friends with an old girlfriend of 2 months? I dont think so. If you run in the same circle of friends then be pleasant when you see him but I would tell him that you have plenty of friends and you dont need one more...

take care of yourself...if he decides to break up again with this fiance he will know where to find you...but keep dating and do not wait for him...

good luck....

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jaded74
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 12:58pm
It's simple: don't do it. The fact that you had a great relationship should make it harder to be friends. You loved the man for heaven's sake. He dumped you for someone else. You're better than that. Don't be friends. You can find better friends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
In reply to: jaded74
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 3:21pm
In my personal experience, being friends with your ex never quite worked for me. And I've been on both ends of the spectrum. There seems to be this myth that you're supposed to be friends with the ex when you break up if it was a good relationship. It's all a bunch of BS if you ask me. Just someone's lame attempt to exit a relationship without looking like a total worm! The more intense my feelings for the person, the less I wanted to be friends...It just hurt too much! Don't punish yourself this way. Let him go and help yourself heal. I know it's bad right now, but it does eventually get better. And if he's a good guy, he'll understand and respect your decision. If he's a good guy, he'll want you to not hurt any more. Good luck! We're all here for ya.

P

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: jaded74
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 10:50pm
I was in a simillar situation with my last ex....the relationship was great...we never fought and we got along great.....but he just ended it one day out of the blue....he said it was because he was so busy with work etc etc that he didn't have time to give me the attention I deserve *cough lame excuse cough* anyway we didn't have any hard feelings toward the other and we wanted to be friends. It was akward at first and we knew it would be....we decided to take awhile with no contact until we both were over each other and could be more accepting of a friendship because then we wouldn't be constantly longing for each other and holding out hope of a reconciliation. So we took about a month or so and then we became best friends and I couldn't imagine life without him!! Later on he admitted the real reason of the break-up and even admitted he made a huge mistake!! Anyway, I think taking some time of no contact would do you both some good and can help you start over...as friends. Good luck and keep us posted!!









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